The school theatre was packed. Parents, staff, and lots of guests were crammed in. A catwalk had been constructed to run from the stage and straight down the centre of the main theatre. I was backstage shaking with nerves. Jenny and Caroline had agreed to help me, and everything was in chaos. There were six categories, formal evening wear, evening wear, day wear, casual, sports, and swimwear. I had one in each of the first two, two in the day wear, and a swim suit.

The Head had invited some judges to come from the big London fashion houses, and the fashion editor from Harpers.

The Sports section was first, and I just watched as the girls went and showed them off. We had been practising our walks for ages, a lady from a local modelling agency came and gave us some basic instructions, and had helped iron out a few bad habits.

My first one was the swimsuit. I had to be very careful as I had super-glued what was left of my empty scrotum over the top of my little worm, which I had tucked back out the way. It looked pretty convincing, and I was not anticipating close scrutiny.

I had had my hair done, and it was sort of up, with golden ringlets hanging down at the back. I was pleased with it, and as I had gone all out with the make up, I knew I looked hot. My finger and toenails were varnished in aquamarine blue, with a small pseudo-diamond stuck on each of my fingernails. My legs looked fabulous as I had bought some black stiletto shoes, and I wore a set of genuine diamond drop earrings in my ears. I had some really pretty stockings, and was about as ready as I ever would be. I couldn't wear the stockings with the swimsuit, but my legs were pretty good without.

I smiled as I wondered what the reaction would be like if they discovered I was a boy. Best not to think about it, really.

I had the number '15' on my wrist, and at last it was my turn. There were eight swimsuits in this show, and I was the third to go.

I took my time, and walked out, placing each foot in front of the other, with the toe pointing out. Shoulders back, and with a slight swing of the hips, I focussed on the distance, with a sultry smile fixed on my face, and went for it.

I almost lost it.

As I stepped through the curtain, the first person I saw was my father. He was standing at the back, and was smiling at me. My smile changed from sultry to real joy, and a gasp could be heard from the crowd.

I suddenly worried that I was exposing myself. But then realised that this was their reaction to my appearance.

Mrs Hibbert, my teacher, was commentating.

"Sandi is modelling a one piece swimsuit of her own design. Note the intricate and attractive criss-cross design down the front and centre, this is to allow freedom of movement, and for ladies of a fuller figure, a device for appearing slightly slimmer."

I reached the end, stopped, and turned, then walked back. I then saw Dave, who took a photograph of me, and grinned. Flash bulbs were popping, and I returned behind the curtain to safety once more to the sound of enthusiastic applause.

I changed into my mini skirt. I had the trousers as well, and was on twice in this section. I wore my tights, and knee length black boots with high heels. I was about six foot with the heels on.

Once again, I walked out, and was met with almost instant applause this time. I walked up, stopped, turned and walked back; my smile was pure pleasure this time. This was fun. The commentary went on, but I didn't pay any attention to it.

I quickly slipped the trousers on, and was back out. The applause seemed ever louder, or perhaps that was my imagination. I watched as the other girls did their bit, and for the first time I actually wondered if there was any chance that I would get anything from this. I had not really thought about it, but it dawned on me that if I won, then there was a possibility I could look to this as a real career. I felt quite excited about it, and began to take more of an interest in my competition.

I changed into my evening dress, and glided out along the catwalk. This time the applause really was the loudest I had heard so far. And my grin said it all.

My Dad was almost in tears, and I blew him a kiss.

On the way back, I did the same to Dave, and there was a cheer from his mates. Most of the blokes from the leaving upper sixths had come in for an ogle. I quickly changed, and slipped on my sexy little black number. I wore stockings and a suspender belt, and my stiletto shoes again. I began to notice that the other girls were looking at me differently, and it hit me. I did look the most like a real model.

I went out for my last walk, and put as much sex into my walk as I could. Flash bulbs and applause threatened to raise the roof, and I was grinning from ear to ear. Dad waved at me, and I saw him slide out. I was just ever so pleased he had come. I hoped he would hang about, but I knew that he was probably wanted for the killings on the road.

I did a twirl, aware that my stocking tops were visible, and walked back. When I retreated behind the curtain for the last time, even the other girls were clapping me.

The last few girls showed their dresses, and it was over. We relaxed backstage, and there was still a little tension in the air.

"Well done Sandi," said Rachel.

"Well done yourself, my stuff was no better than yours," I said.

"Maybe, but you have the figure of a model, so yours was shown off best," she said.

I was pleased, but also I didn't want to upset anyone.

The Head came backstage.

"Well done, everyone. That was truly excellent. I was very impressed, and I know the judges were surprised at the very high standard. They will announce the winner of each category, and then the best garment in the show. There will also be an award for the most striking model."

My swimsuit came second, and my miniskirt came third. I was thrilled when Rachel and I shared the long evening dress category, and I won with my little back slinky number.

It was that one which won me the best in the show, and then we waited with baited breath for the best model. Mrs Hibbert dangled us like fish on hooks.

"I think you will all agree that this show has been of a very high quality, and that each of the contestants have really worked very hard to produce and show their work to the best of their ability.

The judges are unanimous that the winner of the best model is a girl whose grace and charm was evident from the first moment she appeared. Her superb designs were of a high quality, yet it was her mere presence that has captivated many people's hearts and mind tonight.

It gives me great pleasure to announce: the most striking model of the show is:

Sandi Lake!"

I was almost thrown through the curtains by the other girls, and the judges had moved up onto the catwalk. I shook all their hands, and was given a small crystal bowl and an envelope. I posed for the cameras, whist shaking one of the judges' hands. She was a middle-aged lady who was very elegantly dressed, and awfully well spoken.

She came up to me after the awards were over.

"You did very well, my dear. Have you aspirations to become a model?" she asked.

"I'd love to, but I need to finish my A levels first."

She passed me a card.

"I run an agency in London and New York. Give me a call when term finishes. I am sure I can help you."

I glanced at the card.

JEMIMA OVERSON

It was for one of the most famous agencies in the business.

"Me?" I asked.

Jemima smiled.

"You have everything we look for. A gorgeous boyish figure, long limbs, charm, a twinkle and a lovely smile. Apart from that you are blessed with stunning beauty."

I was struck dumb. I almost got the giggles, if only she knew how 'boyish' I really was.

"I'd love to, but would I be good enough?"

"If today is anything to go by, you will be very much in demand."

"Oh."

She smiled again.

"But, it is not as glamorous as it appears. It is bloody hard work, and believe me, it is completely exhausting at times. I was a model in the seventies, and had to exist on Rye-vita and lettuce for ages. At least the fuller figure is more acceptable these days."

I smiled.

"So, do I call, or what?" I asked.

"Just call me, that is my direct line, believe me, I could get you work tomorrow after what I have just seen. But, you are a very gifted designer too, so there may be openings in that field if you want."

"I have a lot happening at the end of term, is it okay if I wait for a few weeks?"

"Whenever you are ready. You are over seventeen aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Then if you want, I could put you on the books, and give you a little casual work, just to see how you get on."

"I'd like that. What with school and working in the hotel."

"You work in a hotel as well?"

"I live with my friend in her dad's place. I help out."

"Please call me, my dear, you are just what I am after."

"I will," I said, and meant it.

She moved off and spoke to the other girls. I went looking for my father, but I had almost forgotten I was in my slinky black dress. I checked the car park, and the Jaguar was nowhere in sight. A pair of arms encircled me from behind, but I knew I was in no danger.

"Hi Dave."

"You were fucking gorgeous," he said.

I turned round, and he looked me up and down.

"No, you are fucking gorgeous. I was so proud of you," he said.

"Thanks. I was so pleased you came."

He looked at me.

"I haven't. Yet," he said, and I hit him.

"Don't be smutty," I said, but pleased.

"Who are you looking for?"

"My Dad, he popped in, and then left before the end."

"Oh. Is he still in the shit?"

"Probably, oh hell, Dave. I don't bloody know. Why couldn't he be an accountant, or something boring and safe like that?"

He was still holding me, and I liked being in his arms.

"I'd better change for this evening," I said.

"Stay as you are, that dress sends me wild."

I smiled.

"Oh, and how the hell do I cope with a wild man?"

"Gently," he said, and kissed my fingers.

I felt that deep ache again.

"Don't do this to me, Dave," I said.

"Hark at you. What do you think you do to me, just by looking like you do?"

"I can't help how I look."

He smiled.

"You know that you can help it."

"You said you fell for me when I tried to hide."

"I lied."

"Sod."

"Seriously, I love the way you look, and what you do to me. I feel as frustrated about things as you."

"You don't have to wait," I said.

"Yes I do."

"There are plenty of..."

He kissed me to shut me up.

The kiss went on and on. I melted into his arms, and felt his hand slip round to my bum and he pulled me towards him. We were pressed tightly together, and I felt him through my very thin dress, he was aroused, again.But then, so was I.

One of his hands was gently caressing my breast, and when his fingers started stroking my nipple, I thought I was going to faint. I broke away.

"Dave. Don't," I said, very half heartedly.

He smiled, and pulled me close again.

"Why not, you like it?"

"I know, but we can't do anything about it."

He smiled.

"At least I know that I can't get my girlfriend pregnant."

I frowned and he sensed that he had said the wrong thing. Which was just as well, as I was almost too far gone to care. And I might have done something that I would regret.

"Hey, Sandi, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything."

I sighed.

"I know, babe, but we will never escape what I am, will we?"

The moment was past, and I turned and walked back to the theatre. He ran after me, and took my hand.

"I'm really sorry Sandi, I didn't think."

"Yes you did, that's the trouble. Thinking gets us into places we should never go."

He walked with me for a while, holding my hand. I stopped and turned to him.

"Look, it's no good never talking about it. I need to talk about it with someone, and you are the only person who knows, apart from Jenny. But, I need to know, where the hell are we going with this?"

He looked at me.

"I dunno. Where do you want it to go?"

"Shit Dave, how the hell do I know? A few months ago I was someone else, now I'm two people, and neither of them is really me. How the hell should I know anything?"

He started to laugh.

"What is so bloody funny?" I asked, getting angry, and I pulled my hand out of his grip.

"You are so beautiful when you are angry," he said.

I stared at him.

"Dave, stop being so fucking nice to me. Tell me the sodding truth, please."

He looked at me, and took my hand again.

"The truth? Okay, here's the truth. I met a girl who makes me go all fucking soft and stupid inside. She is pretty and funny and fun to be with, and I fall in sodding love with the silly cow. Then she tells me she is really a bloke, but hopes to be a girl soon. If that is not enough, she tells me her father is a gangster and she is in constant danger from another gangster and his men. Then, she turns into a bloody super model, with legs and looks to die for, and everyone thinks I am fucking her rotten. I fucking wish.

Sandi, the truth is so bloody twisted, I wouldn't know the truth if it bit me in the bum."

I had to laugh.

"What is so funny?" he asked.

"You, you're lovely when you are angry."

He smiled and started to laugh with me. We ended up having a hug.

"Was that it?" I asked.

"Was that what?"

"Was that our first domestic?"

We both laughed and almost couldn't stop.

"You haven't answered my question," I said.

"Which one, I got confused."

"Where do we go from here?"

"Sandi, I am happy with the way things are. But I am leaving this place, and I am going to take a few months touring the States with Mike. If you want to suspend things until I get back, then say the word?"

"Dave, I want you to feel free to make decisions, and free to choose. I don't want to tie you down. I will not seek any commitment from you."

He looked at me.

"Is that the truth?"

I couldn't look at him.

"You don't lie very well, did you know that?"

"I want you to be free," I said, trying not to cry.

"I am free, and I have chosen. Who knows what is in the future, but for now, I choose you," he said, and I looked up at him.

"Thanks," I said, and kissed him.

I turned and went back into the theatre to sort out my clothes.

I was in my underwear, just packing the last of the stuff away when Jenny came to me. She had brought her evening dress so we could get ready together.

"You were getting a bit heated with Dave, is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, we had a heavy session, and we both got a bit aroused, and then he said something which hurt. So we had a few words, I just wanted to know where the hell we were going."

"Which is?"

"I'm still not sure, but I will take each day as it comes. I don't want to tie him down to something that is not real."

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, you are very real."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, but how real was this afternoon?"

"Huh?"

"You were chosen as the best model because you look beautiful, and you are so gorgeous, everyone is jealous of you."

"No they aren't," I said.

"Sandi, open your eyes, look at yourself. You have a fabulous figure, a superb pair of legs, and a face and smile that make men wet themselves. Forget what you were, you are a beautiful girl, with a world out there waiting to be conquered."

I looked at her, almost waiting for her to smile, and say, 'fooled you.'. But she didn't.

"Really?"

"Really. Look, I am your friend, and I wouldn't lie to you."

I gave her a hug.

"Shit, Jenny. What do I do?"

"Just be you. Don't try to be anyone you aren't."

"Who am I Jenny? I'm not sure I know any more."

"You are my friend, my very pretty friend, whom I love dearly."

She made me cry, the cow. So we hugged for a bit. We then had to change, I wore my long dress, as I didn't want Dave overheating too early. Jenny wore a red dress that was really pretty and made her look stunning. We left the theatre together, and met the boys near the Hall.

Mike held out his hands to Jenny and gave her a big kiss, and Dave looked at me.

"Still speaking?"

"Don't be silly," I said, and he kissed me.

We followed Jenny and Mike into the transformed Hall. But paper streamers and pretty table cloths didn't alter the fact that it was still school.

Actually it was fun. I looked and felt glamorous, and Dave treated me like I was. So I behaved as if I was, and it felt really great. I made a point to talking to all the girls from the fashion show, and being as nice to them, without being smarmy or false. I was terrified of being thought of as a snooty bitch, so I tried a little humility.

The food was okay, and the fruit punch was dull, until someone emptied a bottle of vodka into it. But the disco was brilliant, and I danced for ages. I had never enjoyed dancing as Alex, but as Sandi, I just adored it. Dave gave up and sat several out, and I danced by myself, or with anyone who wanted to dance with me. I was on a high, and didn't care.

The music changed, and became slow and smoochy. Dave appeared again, and we melted together. I hung round his neck and let him hold me tight against his body. He was aroused again, and I still didn't care. I rubbed myself against him, as we kissed. He stroked my bum, and caressed my tits, and I wanted him again.

I had to break off.

"I need some air," I said, and we went outside.

We walked over to the cricket pavilion, and sat on the wooden decking.

He caressed my shoulder, and nuzzled my neck.

I placed my hand on his trousers, and felt him straining to escape.

"Sandi..."

"Shh." I said.

I unzipped his trousers, and his cock sprung out. It was huge. It was circumcised, and the large purple head looked ready to explode. I stroked it gently, and watched his face, as he closed his eyes and moaned. I smiled. This was real control.

I ran my thumb gently over the head, and he writhed beneath my touch. I felt some moisture escape from the little hole, and I immediately felt curious to know what it tasted like, so I licked the end.It was okay, if a little salty, I tried again, and he thrust towards me. I held it tightly in my right hand, and took the end into my mouth. I ran my tongue all over the knob, and he started jerking and thrusting into my mouth. I closed my lips tightly around it, and allowed him to thrust as far as I could take it without gagging.

I stroked his hairy balls with my other hand, and ran my finger round to his bum. He wasn't long. He started thrusting quicker and quicker, grunting and moaning, and suddenly I felt this hot sticky liquid fill my mouth and throat. He had come in my mouth.I swallowed and kept licking his knob, and he started to moan and squirm. I licked him clean, put him away and zipped him up again. I smiled and sat up.

"Okay, gentle enough for you, Wild Man?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Shit Sandi, you needn't have."

"I wanted to. It is the least I could do, really. Besides, I enjoyed it."

"But I can't do anything for you."

"You still don't get it do you?"

"What?"

"You have let me be the person I want to be. You allow me to do this, and it is enough. For now anyway," I said, with a smile.

We sat together in silence for a while. His arm was around me, and I held him.

"Sandi?"

"Hmm?"

"What is it like for you?"

"What is what like?"

"Life. I mean, you were something different, what is it like wanting something you are not?" "Bloody hard. It is still hard, because I am always aware of what I am, and I just wait for someone to point at me and scream the truth to everyone."

"But you never really were a boy were you?"

"Physically, yes. But in every other way, not really. Society dictated that I had to do certain things, and behave in a certain way, but I never felt I fitted in with what was expected of me."

He was quiet for a while.

"Worried you might be gay?" I teased.

"No, you have always been a girl in my mind. No, I was trying to understand why society is so cruel."

I shrugged.

"Survival, I suppose. I am hardly the type that will assist with producing stronger members of the species."

"There has to be more to it than that?"

"I think people are terrified of anything which threatens their own security. I wonder how many are wavering between the genders, and people like me make them feel even more insecure. At least I have the bottle to go for what I believe I should be. One reads of all kinds of important people leading double lives.

There is the real danger to society, the real hypocrisy."

He laughed.

"This is getting rather deep."

"Sorry, but you did ask," I replied.

"Sandi, would you marry me?"

"Dave, you aren't proposing to me, are you?"

"No, I want to know if you would, not if you will."

"I would, if I thought you loved me, and that I couldn't live without you, and that we could make a life together. But I don't feel ready for any of that right now."

"Neither do I, but I helps that I know."

I looked at him.

"You are daft," I said. "Would you mind if I did ask you?"

"No, but that doesn't automatically that I'd say yes. Besides, it is not legal in this country, yet."

"What isn't?"

"Marrying a transsexual."

"Oh. I don't see you as one of them."

I smiled and hugged him.

"But there are other places that do allow it," I said.

"Then we'll get married there," he said.

"Dave, I haven't said yes, and you haven't asked me."

"You will, when I do," he said, and we both laughed.

The end of term arrived, as did my name and pictures in the local papers. Jenny and I sat at the breakfast table looking at the paper.

Budding Supermodel Wins Top Prize. Stunning leggy blonde bombshell, Sandi Lake, seen here winning the prize for most glamorous model at the Brighton High School's Annual Charity Fashion Show, amazed staff, parents and guests by sweeping the board with her original designs and wonderful presence on the catwalk last Friday. The pretty seventeen year old showed that she had what it takes, as she was judged by fashion's biggest names as a rising star in the industry. Jemima Overson, the head of one of the most prestigious modelling agencies said, "Sandi has everything that I look for in a really good model; looks, figure, charm, grace and a real twinkle. She came out smiling, and the whole place lit up, she captivated us with that smile, and whatever she wore was immediately better than the rest."

However, the local lass was not to be swayed into believing that she was any better than the others."I think everyone worked really hard, and my designs were not as good as lots of the others. I only won two of the categories, and I don't want people to forget that. I am pleased to have won the modelling award, but it was only one small part of the whole show. The fact that together we raised £2,500 for local charities is the whole point, and I would much rather we were all remembered for that."

Head teacher, Brian Goodson, said, "Sandi and the other girls all worked equally hard, and it is to their credit that so much money was raised for charity. Their work is all part of the A level syllabus, and shows exactly what a high standard they are already achieving. We are all very proud of all of them."

More pictures on Page 8

"Bugger!" I said.

"Why? It's brilliant. You look really glamorous in this one." said Jenny.

"Yeah, what happens when Frankie Holland sees this?" I said.

"Oh. He's hardly likely to, is he?"

"I don't know. But if he is looking for a Lake in the Brighton area, he doesn't have to look far."

"He is looking for an Alexander Lake, a boy. Remember?"

"Hmm," I said, not convinced.

Life went on, and still nothing happened. The police watched me, and I began to feel that nothing would happen.

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