Jungfrau
Part 1

'"Wait here please"

I was in no position to argue! I will tell you now; I was as they say 'shitting bricks'! I am in deep doo doo; here I am a bloke dressed up as a woman, with paperwork in one name and a passport belonging to someone else, neither of which is mine, deep doo doo!

I heard our bus pulling out of the shed and wondered what was going to happen next. What had they told Den? What did the passengers think? I'm out of a job that's for sure! I waited impatiently for what seemed like hours before the woman returned with another official.

"Now then Miss Ziegler or should I say Mister Hornby, you have some explaining to do!'

BEEEEEP!

Suddenly my world slewed sideways, I opened my eyes with a start just in time to see the fast approaching rear of a truck.

"Shit!" Den exclaimed as the brakes locked on in a scream of agony, the ABS unable to cope with two feet on the brake pedal. Behind me I could hear a growing cacophony of screams as I stared ahead waiting for the impact.

It never came. Somehow Den had managed to arrest our forward motion and our bus was now rocking back and forth on the suspension. By some miracle, we hadn't hit anything and nothing had hit us, the cause of our rapid deceleration even now disappearing up the autoroute towards Calais.

"I could have done without that!" Den stated, knocking the coach into gear and steering us onto the hard shoulder.

"I'll check the passengers" I was more than a little shaken myself, luckily none of the passengers had come to harm and they were as concerned about me as I was them. I returned to the front where I found Den outside.

"You okay Den?"

"Er yeah, just a bit shaky"

"What happened? I was asleep"

"One of those maniac Irish trucks, he just pulled straight out, no signal or anything. How we didn't hit him!"

"Well we've you to thank for that. You okay to go on?"

"Give me a minute"

"I'll wait for you on board"

The few kilometers down to Calais were thankfully uneventful and we still had time for a quick beer warehouse stop. I tried to recall my broken dream, but nothing came, I guess the trauma of the near crash had done a good job of wiping that particular block of memory. As usual we were due to link up with the others dockside, the rain that had threatened for the last couple of hours finally started as we cleared check-in. No sign of the other coaches, we were plainly the first to arrive. We watched the ferry dock and disgorge its cargo of motor vehicles, come on guys where are you?

Loading started, still with no sign of the other two buses, it looks like they'll miss the boat. Den and I were actually up in the driver's lounge getting our dinner when four flushed looking Global employees spilled through the door.

"We thought you'd missed it" Den greeted them

"So did we, there was a big crash on the N1, we both got caught in the tail back" Rob advised

"By the look of you, you had a good week" I mentioned to a bronzed Mandy

"You don't look too bad yourself girl" she replied, "that uniform looks better on you than me"

In truth after another week in dresses and skirts it felt pretty natural to be sat here dressed like this.

"Looks like you lost the bet," I told Jules, "one tour complete with me in a frock and makeup"

"I bet you enjoyed yourself, Jules said you went out with a German friend, that must have been fun"

"I've had worse nights," I allowed

We disembarked and joined the queue for immigration and customs, I found Ingrid's passport and prayed that they didn't check too carefully again. While we waited I presented Den with his model bus.

"I know it's not much, but it's a small thank you for looking out for me this week"

He unwrapped the package.

"It's just like 'Betsy'," I pointed out

"Thanks, thanks Nena, that's really thoughtful"

"You deserve a lot more after this week"

"Well thanks anyway, whoa here we go" he pulled Betsy into the shed.

You ever had that feeling of Déjà vu? I seemed to know what was going to be said, what people were going to do, weird! It wasn't quite as I semi remembered, then it came back in a sudden flash as Den pulled us into the shed. I hope the next bit of the dream doesn't come true!

So far so good, it was a bloke who got on to check the passports while Den opened the side lockers for the dogs.

"All EU?" he asked

"Yes, all British except me" I replied

He walked up the bus to confirm that everyone was accounted for and returned to the front.

"Thanks miss" he passed Den in the doorway, "okay, you're clear"

Den slotted Betsy into gear and we drove through to where the feeder drivers were waiting. I do not want dreams like that ever again!

"You okay kiddo?" Den enquired as he rescued his briefcase from the overhead and prepared to disembark.

"Sure, just thinking, Chris'll be back tomorrow"

"I'll sort of miss Nena, there's never a dull moment with you is there?"

"A bit too lively at times!"

"Well thanks for a good tour Nena, tell Chris I'll see him at the depot tomorrow"

"I will, wiedersehn Den"

The drive back north was uneventful although it was nearly eleven when we got back to the depot and Julia's car.

"Mine or yours" Julia asked

"Yours, we can be exhausted together"

As I lay cradling Julia's head later on I thought over the past week, one attempted mugging, too much homemade schnapps, the evening with Mika and her friends. On balance things went pretty well. Not sure why I bought so much women's clothing though. I squirmed as I remembered how the dress I wore on Friday felt, hmmm, well sexy! I slipped into unconsciousness for a last time as Nena.

Monday morning. I woke early but not early enough to beat Julia to the bathroom! Then it struck me, I don't need to get up so early, I don't have to shave my legs or do my makeup today. Nope not today or any other! No I won the bet and the girl in the shower, my girlfriend was my sex 'slave' for the next month! Hmm maybe I should clarify that after all we'll be away on tour for two weeks of that, I'm gonna be short changed!

"Morning luvver" Julia purred from the doorway

"Hello you, give us a kiss"

We played tonsil hockey for a bit then Jules broke off.

"Aww!"

"Whoa tiger! We've got stuff to sort out remember"

"Joools!" I whined

"Come on Chris, sooner it's done the sooner we can have some more fun"

Well, when you put it like that!

The pair of us spent the morning and early afternoon sorting out our tour accounts, once again I or rather Nena had a good week, the catering account was above average and the tips, well I could get used to the extra income! We grabbed a quick lunch before heading off to the Global depot. It felt weird wearing guy stuff, no bra to itch my chest and my favourite boots that feel so restrictive after Nena's sandals and heels.

"I was half expecting Nena" Bill joked when I went to turn in my books

"I'm done with that caper now Bill, no more Nena"

"No more big tips, looks like that girl had another good trip," he noted as he glanced at my figures.

"Yeah well, the tips might be good but not good enough to keep Nena around"

"Pity, seems the customers like her too"

"Well yeah, the tips..."

"How about twelve customers ringing so far today. They don't just like Nena, they think she's the best thing since sliced bread!"

"It's still me" I managed as a flush of colour ran over me.

"Well they like you as Chris but we've never had so much feedback from the punters as we have on Nena's two appearances."

"Like I said, I'll be working as Chris again this week"

"See you on Thursday then"

"Yes sir!" I did a mock salute

"Get out of here Hornby!"

Jules dropped me back at my flat, for an exciting evening of laundry! I noted wryly that it was all Nena's clobber in the washer. Knickers, bras, tights, all stuff that had no right to be in Chris Hornby's washing machine. I smiled to myself when I looked at the various bits of clothing as I recalled the previous week again. Yeah, I guess it was mostly a good week; I chuckled as I recalled the Schnapps incident again!

Jules was going to do well out of this, several outfits with just one careful previous owner, all of them Chris magnets! Well I did pick them because I liked them. I remembered Ingrid's passport, must post it back in the morning, and I'll have to write her about last week too.

You don't want to hear about the rest of my week, even if you do I'm not going into it, what me and Jools get up to is our affair and working in a bar doesn't enthrall me that much so I won't inflict it on you! Rodg, the manager of the Oaks, still had Beth off with her wrist so once again I picked up some extra shifts. I wasn't even bothered about my hair, being blonde isn't that bad and I've got sort of used to it. Mind you it could do with a cut before the weekend.

"So what tours are due this week?" Mandy asked

The three of us were having a coffee at the Oaks before heading to the depot after my shift.

"Dunno, I'll check my diary" Julia reached for her bag

"You don't fancy doing another week as Nena then Chris?" Mand enquired

"No way! I've had my fill of being a girl, I'll leave that to you pair"

"Here we are, lets see - Poland, French Riviera and The Black Forest. I fancy the Riviera, I could do with some sun." Jools told us

"You're welcome to it! What about you Mand, any preference?"

"Well if Jools does France I wouldn't mind Poland, I've not been over there. You okay with Germany"

"Suits me, it's usually pretty relaxed, no long days"

"it's overnight isn't it?" Mand pointed out

"whatever, that means I get Sunday off"

"Well that's settled then, unless Russell has any other plans of course," Julia stated

"Russ never has any plans, only for his precious coaches!" Mandy offered

At the depot we were chatting with Maureen on reception when Bill came through.

"Hi slaves, come to get this weeks sentences?"

"And hi to you too Bill" I replied

"Can I have a word Chris? I won't keep him long girls"

I followed him through to his office.

"Have a seat. I won't mince words Chris, I want Nena! Well not me, the punters. All week we've been getting customers ringing to find out what tours she's doing, she's better than a ten pound booking discount!" he eased back into his chair as I sat there bemused.

"Look Chris, I never thought I'd be doing this," he shook his head, "but needs must. It's not to go outside this room, but we're only just breaking even, anything that can get more business needs to be considered. I've discussed this with Russ and well, Chris; we'd like you to do the rest of the season as Nena. There I've said it"

Talk about gob smacked! I wasn't sure what to say, what to do, even what expression to use. In the end I settled on the classic goldfish!

"Obviously we don't expect you to do it for no return, we've worked out a compensation package" he passed a sheet of paper over.

I looked at the page, bonus for a full coach, clothing allowance and small increase to my basic pay. I sat there bemused but did the mental calculations, with the sort of tips I got as Nena it was worth a fair chunk of dosh, somewhere about two grand! It was tempting I have to say. On the other hand it would mean dressing as Nena, well not just dressing, being Nena for another four months!

"If I say no?"

"Well we can't force you to do it. All I can say is that everyone's jobs will be on the line if we don't start picking up a few more bookings"

"What about the others? I get this," I waved the sheet of paper, "what do they get? Not that I'm saying I'll do it"

"That's a tenner I owe Russ, he said you'd ask that. The full coach bonus will go to everyone, the girls already get the clothing allowance."

"Huh?"

"Didn't you know? I'd have thought you'd have found that out. If things get turned around, we'll give everyone a raise in September"

This was all a bit much, unexpected. Do I want to do it? Not really. Can I afford to not do it? That's a lot of money at stake and ultimately my job, and my friends. Talk about a dilemma. I looked at Bill, I already knew his position, but I also know that he wouldn't hold a negative response against me. What would Julia say? Well last week was her idea so I guess that answers that!

"Okay I'll do it"

Bill let out a breath that I didn't realise he was holding, "thanks Chris"

"Out of curiosity what have you been telling all these punters?"

"That you were doing all of the German and Austrian tours" he grinned

"If I'd said no?"

"We'd have just sent our senior tour host instead"

"Who's that?"

"A guy called Chris Hornby, maybe you've met?" he chuckled.

"Erm what about my passport and stuff? I've been using a borrowed one but I can't keep doing that"

"All in hand. If Julia brings Nena to the depot at six tomorrow morning we'll get it sorted, oh and it would be best if you can bring a passport photo of Nena and your birth certificate"

"You really have been doing your homework"

"Well Den has, it was his suggestion"

Just wait till I see him!

"Is that it then? The girls will be wondering what's going off"

"I just need you to sign this new contract"

"Fair enough"

"I've put a cross where you need to sign"

"You what?" Mand shrieked

"I said yes. He reckons Nena can get more bookings and he's paying me extra to do it. And I've got a bone to pick with you two, you never told me you get a clothing allowance"

"What's to tell, everybody gets it" Jools stated

"I don't, well didn't" I huffed

"That's not fair" Mandy mentioned

"Well anyway it looks like I'm going to be Nena every other week"

"Why every other week?" Julia asked

"Well I'll be Chris when I'm home"

"That'll never work kiddo and I don't think you could do it" Jools told me

"Yeah you'd be schizoid in no time," Mand agreed

"And besides I quite like the idea of having Nena around for a while" Jools finished.

What have I agreed to? Now it's not just Nena at work but at home too. And my girlfriend wants me to be Nena too!

real Nena Friday morning found the three of us, Mand insisted on coming too, back at the depot. On the way we stopped at the railway station to get my passport photo done and despite my reservations I was ready for Bill and Den's plan.

"You girls ready?" Den asked

"As we'll be," I allowed

"Hop in then" he indicated the company staff bus.

"Where are we off to then?" Mand asked

"Liverpool, the passport office"

"Oh right, why so early then, we'll be there about eight" I queried

"You've never been I take it? If you're not there when they open you could be there all day. Oh and you'll need the stuff in the envelope there" Den advised.

Well you don't want all the gory details. I presented myself at the passport office and with surprising speed my passport was updated, at least my passport photo would look like me!

"Lets have a look then?" Jools asked as we headed towards Manchester.

I passed it over.

"So Nena has a new passport"

"Well picture at least," I agreed

"No" Mand interjected, "this says Nena."

"Lets see!" I grabbed it back. Flipping it open I scanned the info page, my new picture fine, name, my god she's right, Nena Agnetha Ziegler!

"Den!" I exclaimed, "how come this says I'm Nena?" I waved the passport at him.

"Well that's who you are"

"No I'm Chris pretending to be Nena"

"Not anymore"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're officially Nena Ziegler now"

"No I'm Chris Hornby!" I stated

"I told Bill to ask you first"

"Ask me what?"

"Well you know those papers you signed yesterday?"

"The new contract, yeah?"

"Well one of them was a declaration of name change. The company solicitors got it all processed yesterday, so you really are Nena now."

"I'll kill him!"

"Hey Nena, at least your passport matches everything else" Mand offered

"And you can change it back afterwards" Jools soothed

"I guess. I'm still pissed at him though"

"Who came up with Agnetha then?" Mandy asked Den

"Blame me for that, I thought Nena should have a middle name."

"So where are we going now?"

"Well you know Maureen does amateur theatrics?"

We nodded.

"Well Bill asked if she knew any theatrical suppliers"

"What for?"

"Well you can't go all summer stuffing socks in your bra girl, can you?"

"Why not?"

"Nena!" the girls chorused

It felt really weird. Wearing a sock filled bra was weird but the size and weight of the two lumps now stuck to my chest was well beyond that. Not just that but they were proving to be a distraction as they jiggled at every step and I kept wanting to check my reflection much to the girls amusement! It wasn't actually a costume place we went to; in fact I was rather spooked by the place.

Apparently their stock in trade was a makeover service, for men! Yep you heard me, Men! The full nine yards, walk in a bloke; walk out a well, not woman but from the pictures on the walls, a passable replica. I know I'm sort of doing it but I never would have thought there would be enough business. I really was creeped out, I wasn't sure at first if the pretty girl who sorted me out was a bloke or not. Had to be a girl, no Adams Apple.

I didn't just get the boobs. When, after some encouragement, I told Sarah, that was her name, why I needed the chest enhancement she insisted that I needed a 'Vicky'. Yeah it got me too, Bill was spending, make that investing, in Nena so why not. Apparently with the 'Vicky' on I could pass for a girl downstairs as well, I wouldn't need to 'tuck' whatever that meant. It certainly felt strange but I must admit it did look reasonably lifelike. In one day I'd become Nena in name and now in body.

We got back to the depot late afternoon and after collecting our tour packs, headed home to pack. Tomorrow I'm off to Germany again but I'm not pretending to be Nena this time, I am Nena! Nena Agnetha Ziegler! Looks like I lost my prize from Jools, I've lost albeit temporarily, my equipment so our usual last night bed session ended up with just a fair bit of heavy duty snogging. It was a bit strange cuddling up to Julia and finding my own boobs in the way!

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