“Huh?” it's not bad enough I've been dragged to Jess's room where I'm stood here in my undies but now she's talking gibberish.
“You're wearing a pad.”
On? Oh right, “Just some spotting.” I allowed, which isn't a lie.
It's not like at this point I can say ‘whoa girl I'm really a boy, look I've got all the kit!' nope, I'm stood here filling my sports bra rather too well with a panty pad making more visual impact than my boy bits in my definitely girly knickers – well they're more comfortable after all.
“Here put these on, I've got some black sandals you can borrow.” She thrust what turned out to be a pair of nearly black low denier tights and a push up bra.
“Jess.” I complained.
“Get a move on, we've got to get some slap on and do your hair.”
I'm not going to get out of this am I? With a sigh I swapped boob support, Jess is the same cup but a size bigger than me, a bit of fiddling with the shoulder straps had my chest looking like I'd sprouted a pair of footballs on my chest with a cleavage to match. With consummate skill gained through years of practice my legs were soon encased in the near transparent nylon and my tormentor was starting on my face.
“I am, you poked me in the eye.”
“Cos you moved.”
I'll not win that argument.
“You're not doing anything weird?”
“Well duh, it's a dance.”
What's that supposed to mean? I try to avoid makeup if I can, a bit of massy and lip gloss cos it's expected but anything else is on a need to use basis like at the wedding. As a result my attempts can be a little heavy handed, Jess by comparison is an Olympic champion, deftly applying the assorted paints and powders to my peepers and grinning gear. Hair I'm better with but I've never mastered French plaits, Jess had my hair in a fancy chignon in mere moments.
“That'll do, let's get you in the dress.”
The dress was actually better than I'd been expecting if a little shorter than I'd like; a black lycra tube with transparent sleeves and décolletage decorated with some big flocked spots – quite classy except it doesn't reach far down my thighs!
“Spot on, we'll sort your nails on the way, come on or we'll be late!”
And whose fault would that be?
By the time we careened into reception it was closer to quarter past and everyone else was already in the minibus.
“I take it you are Jess and Gaby?” Steve enquired as I attempted to make the dress cover a bit more.
“That's us!” Jess agreed.
“Well hop to it girls, we were only waiting for you, Amanda said you didn't get to dinner until late.”
We headed out to the bus and squeezed in next to Mand as our chauffeur climbed in up front.
“Hi Gab,” Mand emphasised, “you two only just made it, Steve was gonna leave if you hadn't turned up by quarter past.”
Instead of which I'm sat in the BC minibus done up like a dog's dinner with my teamies sat around me; I am in like so much deep doo doo if they find out who I am.
“Said we'd be here,” Jess replied to Mand's greeting.
“Who're your friends?” Geth asked from behind.
“Just Gaby and Jess, she's a skater.” Mand suggested.
“Nice to meet you girls, I'm Geth, the Ging up front is Jamie and the Toon here is Josh.”
“We've already met man and stop calling me a Toon ah told you I'm from Gateshead like.”
“Whatever,” Geth sighed.
The other girls, that is to say the other BC girls just about managed a ‘ hi' - suddenly there was more competition.
“We'll have to finish these off when we get there, we're bouncing about too much.”
Painting fingernails in a moving minibus in pretty much pitch black was never going to work was it?
“Looks like we're there.” Mand noted as Steve pulled the bus into the kerb after the short drive from the centre of excellence.
We were already attracting some attention from the teens assembled across the street apparently waiting to enter the venue. Intimidating, not many! The assembled throng had a distinct female bias but no particular consensus on dress style. I guess in a place like this there's not enough Goths, EMO's or whatever for them to do their own thing so the collection of outfits make my wardrobe look ordered!
“Okay everyone, bus'll be here at eleven sharp, I don't want to be waiting for anyone.” Steve started his speech. “Remember what you were told earlier, keep out of trouble you are representing you're your sports as well as enjoying yourselves. Go and have fun.”
We piled out, three lads, five girls and er me. Josh slammed the door shut with a “Later man” before our transport pulled away.
“How come your coach didn't recognise you?” Jess asked as she started on my nails again as we queued to get in.
“Guess he's never seen me glammed up before?” I suggested.
“He barely recognised me,” Mand attempted to ‘run interference'.
“That'll be because of that dress.” Claire observed, not that her own was much less revealing.
“So you girls are skaters then?” Sal mused.
“I've been known to hit the ice.”
“I don't know anyone who hits it more than you Gabs.” Jess chuckled, however her statement sort of made it sound like I'm a skater.
It's all getting very complicated here, the only ones who actually know the truth are Josh and Manda, the rest of the bikies think I'm a skater and Jess thinks I'm really a girl that the others know – as a girl. If I live through tonight it'll be a miracle.
“Everyone got their money like?” Josh enquired as the queue edged towards the door. “If yer gis it he-ar, I can pay for everyone, save a bit of time.”
Entry is three quid a pop, not a fortune but maybe enough to put off casual trouble. Everyone was in agreement so we gathered the dosh together in readiness.
“Stick it in your bag Gaby, you's can be banker.” Josh instructed.
“A er okay I guess.”
“Nice one Josh.” Geth crowed.
“You've either got it or not,” Josh grinned.
What's that all about?
“Nine?” the young woman collecting the pennies queried.
“Aye, the two ugly ones and the girls here like.” Josh confirmed.
“That's um,” you could see her mentally counting her fingers, “twenty eight pounds then.”
“No it's not, what're you trying to pull, I do know how to count you know.”
“So nine of us at three poonds is twenty seven.”
She was clearly not going to budge and instead of speeding our entry it was now causing a hold up.
“Josh, just pay her.”
“Yeah like listen to yer girlfriend, twenty eight quid.”
“Here.” I thrust our money into her waiting paws then had to wait as she counted it.
“There's not enough, it's two pound short.”
“Oh right, silly me,” I dug into my borrowed bag, “here you go, one, two.” By my counting that made us right, she really is bad with numbers not just trying it on, I'd deliberately only given her twenty five.
“That's it.” She tore off nine cloakroom tickets and slapped them into my hand, “One ticket, one buffet .”
Josh waved the others in before pulling me to one side.
“What are you up to man? Yer Da said you were doing Drew while you're here.”
“That was the idea.” I sighed.
“So how come youse doing the Gaby bit like?”
“Most things with you are.”
“I'll explain later.”
“Well I'll say this you make a canny lass all gussied up.”
“Um thanks, look Mand knows but no one else does, can we keep it that way?”
“Best not talk too much then, you might not look too much like yourself with all the makeup and stuff but yer still sound like Drew.”
“Thanks for the tip.”
“No sweat hen.”
“What are you two plotting?” Jess enquired.
“Just saying that I wasna expecting food tonight.” Josh offered.
“Yeah, some kind of buffet, I've got everyone's tickets in my bag.” I confirmed.
“Come on you lot, let's parteee!” Claire declared.
That seemed to rouse our group, we headed into the main hall to join the er throng of other partygoers.
As these things go it wasn't too bad, a cheesy local DJ supplied the tunes, most of which everyone knew as they could be called vintage, well not exactly current top forty anyhow. The assorted social groups kept pretty much to themselves, the Dark Ones in one corner, wannabe divas up by the stage putting on their ‘moves' and of course a distinct lack of males anywhere near the dance floor!
I'd guess that there were about a hundred kids present, the majority in the fifteen / sixteen age group , although clearly the few younger kids present were of the younger sibling variety. You'd pretty much expect some adult supervision, the middle aged vicar obviously trying for a bit of street cred even if he looked more out of place than a cat in the doghouse.
My borrowed dress wasn't the best choice for any serious boogying as it kept trying to show off my underwear; despite that I enjoyed myself jigging with the other girls. Turns out Jess is better on the ice than the dance floor. I must admit to having a silent giggle when they played Kylie's Locomotion due to her stumbling moves. But then me an' the girls back home have spent time practising that one.
Have to say tho Jess, this was a brilliant suggestion.
to be continued....
© Maddy Bell 11.05.13