Whatever Next?
by Angharad ap Gwilym
(A Gaby fanfic based upon the characters created by Maddy Bell)
Part 4
Drew and Maddy got themselves dressed as quickly as they could. Drew desperately wanted to look as male as he could, but his body let him down. He wore the tee shirt he'd worn on the way down to Dorset, the fish on the bicycle one. His small breasts protruded and the vinyl picture on the front of the shirt rubbed his nipples, making them stand out and also feel uncomfortable. He grumbled and put on a bra. It made his breasts seem bigger but at least they didn't hurt.
He thought back to his dream, the one where he was discovered wearing a bra in the boy's changing room, he blushed profusely. He was wearing the plainest jeans he could find, even they were embroidered on the pockets and up one leg. “This is not gonna work,” he grumbled to himself.
His trainers were the last thing, and at least they were boy's ones, but they looked rather neutral and somehow made his feet look smaller. He looked in the mirror, despite the low ponytail as usually worn by men, he looked female. “Damn-it,” he said, and quickly put on some make-up. He reasoned that it was better to be seen as Gaby, than recognised as a feminine Drew.
Jenny wasn't entirely surprised to see her child wearing make-up and a bra, although she had wondered if he would try and tone things down. Then she remembered they were going to look at trousers, and it was more acceptable for a girl to try on boy's stuff than it was for a boy to try on girl's wear. It seemed absurd, but that was how it was.
They arrived at the store an hour later, parking in a multi-storey and almost trotted to the shops. They knew where the various departments were and set about inspecting the girl's trousers.
Drew needed a charcoal grey or black pair, and began examining the racks in earnest. Maddy got distracted by some new tops she'd seen and went off to look more closely. Jenny was the other side of the rack from Drew.
Remembering his size, Drew pulled out three pairs that looked to his eye as might be useable. He showed them to Jenny and she agreed. He took them off to the fitting rooms.
“Getting ready for school?” asked the woman on duty at the fitting room. Drew nodded a reply. “You're lucky these days, when I was your age, we ‘ad to wear us skirts, trousers weren't allowed.”
Drew shrugged his shoulders and nodded, not entirely sure which part of what he was agreeing with but she smiled at him and he went to try the garments on. They all fit, but they all emphasised his broadening hips and rounded buttocks, not to mention his small waist.
Jenny joined him in the fitting room cubicle and he showed them to her. She shook her head. They bought the least feminine looking pair and moved on to the rest of the shops.
They found a less feminine pair in Marks and Spencers, but the boy trousers Drew tried on, either wouldn't go over his hips or sagged at his waist. They tried a belt with the latter but it just bunched up the surplus waist material and drew attention to it.
By the fifth shop, they were all feeling exasperated, even Maddy, a dyed in the wool shopaholic, was feeling fed up. Finally, after a quick refreshment break, they found a pair of girl's black cargo pants that weren't too bad.
“If I speak to Mr Woods, I'm sure he'll be okay about you wearing them. I know they're not uniform pants, but at least they don't seem to be as bad as some.” Jenny said this as she ran her fingers through her hair. She felt like pulling it out in great lumps, but resisted the urge.
The boy's blazer was just as much trouble. “Why does she want a boy's one?” asked the puzzled shop assistant.
“I don't know, just humour her,” Jenny played the harassed parent role very convincingly probably because it was real, she felt very harassed. Drew was grumbling yet again, he seemed to want a bigger size than he needed, which looked like he was wearing his big brother's clothes.
“But it looks ridiculous!” snapped Jenny at him.
“I don't care, that's the one I want.” Drew was beginning to whine. He wanted something that was as shapeless as he could get to disguise his own shape. Jenny refused and made him try on a smaller one. It fit him reasonably well and didn't really show his bulging chest as much as his hypersensitivity suggested. He'd still have room for a sweater underneath it, so finally he agreed to buy it to keep the peace.
They bought a couple of loose fitting shirts and a school tie, and a school sweater. The latter was loose fitting too. Shoes were the last item and he hoped the easiest to acquire until they walked into the shoe shop and spotted Sarah, or more truthfully she saw Gaby.
“Gaby, how lovely to see you again,” she enthused all over him, following it up with a hug.
“School shoes, what, black?” she enquired after trying to sell him some high heeled boots with sequins on the seams and a pointy toe.
“Yeah, I'm gonna be doing quite a lot of walking so comfort is a priority.” Drew hoped this would curb any excess she was likely to show him.
“Oh Gaby, those are like so yucky! Ugh!” she exclaimed, “They're boy's shoes for God's sake.”
“Boy's shoes are okay,” said Drew trying to assert himself, “I've worn a few pairs over the years.”
Maddy sniggered and Jenny rolled her eyes upward at his remark, but it was lost on Sarah.
“Look try these on, they're very comfortable and you'll love them.” She pulled out a pair in his size, which she had remembered. They were a black lace up with a two inch wedge heel. He tried them and they were comfy, but they were girl's shoes.
Drew tried to protest but she wouldn't hear of it, instead she insisted he have them, and as an act of faith gave him a staff discount on them, which meant they were nearly half price.
He gave up and bought them. Back in the car the three slumped in their seats. “Goodness I feel tired,” said Jenny, “It's exhausting every year, but that has to be the worst so far.”
Drew said nothing, he was worrying about how he was going to get over the problem of school uniforms. He surprised himself by saying out loud, “I'm beginning to wish I was back in Dorset, at least I could wear clothes that fit me there.”
“It's probably safer too, as that maniac appears to be up here.” Maddy offered without really thinking it through.
“You might be quite right there girls,” said Jenny smiling, “I wonder if Carol and your gran would buy it?”
“Mum, I was only ….” protested Drew.
“No, it could be a good idea. I wonder if that cottage is for rent still.”
“What about Meadows, he'd probably find out in no time and then we'd be back on his home territory.”
“We could disguise you, change your hair colour and either lengthen it or shorten it. I'm sure Sylvie could sort it.”
“Can I have a matching moustache and Maddy a false beard?” Drew thought the idea was nonsense and his comment implied this, or so he thought.
“You have got to be joking!” Dave almost choked on the words, “Go back into the fire, isn't the frying pan bad enough?”
“It was Gaby's idea. At the moment she seems more scared of school than Meadows, and on a temporary basis I think it might be a good idea.”
“So you going to stay with them then?” This was Dave's most spiteful comment for a long time, and Jenny flinched as he said it.
“You know I can't, nor can I take them to Germany. With my training schedule I just don't have time.”
“Okay, you said that before. I just can't believe you are seriously suggesting we send the kids back to Dorset.”
“Maybe we could rent a different property.”
“What about schooling?”
“We enrol them temporarily at the same school as Harry.”
“They may not let us.”
“I'll deal with that one.”
“How can you if you're in bloody Germany?”
“I believe they have telephones there too,” Jenny blushed with a mixture of anger and guilt.
“Have you asked Carol and Mum if they'd go down with the girls?”
“Not yet, I wanted to sound you out first.”
“What about John, he'll do his Crunch?”
“Not necessarily, his company have an office in Bristol.”
“That's sixty miles away!”
“He often commutes to Manchester or Sheffield or Nottingham, so he'd cope.”
“Why can't they stay here?”
“You can't look after them, you have a job and the rebuilding of the house to sort out. I, can't ,” she bowed her head in shame, “Carol and Mum could do it with you and John visiting now and again.”
“Carol and Mum could look after them here.”
“Yeah, but it's too cramped.”
“I think you're being silly, but if you want to check it out with the others… What does Dre.Gaby think of it?”
“Ask her. Gaby, can you come here a moment?”
Drew entered the room; he'd been trying on the trousers and shoes in Maddy's room. “What d'ya think?” he asked his parents.
“Yeah, they look fine kiddo,” said Dave. “Look, your mother said you would like to go back to Dorset for a bit, is that true?”
“Yeah, sorta.”
“What do you mean, ‘sorta'?” asked Dave. Jenny was staring out of the window, feeling uncomfortable.
Drew blushed and fiddled with a pocket on the trousers, “Well, I like said it, ‘cos I don't want to go to school here, and I like, know some kids down there.”
“Why don't you want to go to school here?”
“Dave,” protested Jenny.
He held up his hand to silence her, “I'd like to hear Gaby say why?”
Drew blushed a deep fuschia pink and felt himself growing very hot. “I'm afraid they're gonna laugh at me or beat me up, when they….” Tears began to spill down his cheeks and Jenny pulled him into a hug.
“When they what?” asked Dave patiently although he knew the answer, he wanted to hear it from the child's mouth. He again shushed Jenny when she was going to answer for Drew.
“When…they… find out (sob)….I'm Gaby.” The sobbing gave way to uncontrolled crying and Drew held on tightly to his mother, burying his face in her chest. She looked at Dave angrily and shook her head.
“I've been afraid of this for sometime, ever since you began playing these silly dress up games.” He shook his head as he spoke, watching Drew clinging onto his mother.
“You insensitive……oaf!” Jenny spat at her husband, “The child seems to be turning into a girl before your very eyes and all you can say is about playing games. This isn't a game, this is real!”
“Me insensitive? What about you, your bloody bike seems more important than our children?”
“STOP IT!” screamed Drew, “I don't want you to fight, please don't fight.” He sobbed some more, and nuzzled back into his mother's chest.
“I'm sorry Gabs,” said Dave feeling ashamed.
“I'm sorry too,” said Jenny, hugging him tightly. “What do you want to do?”
“I want to run away and hide,” he sobbed, “Or die, or something. Why is this happening to me? I don't deserve it, I hate it, I hate everything, I wanna die.” He pulled himself from Jenny and ran out of the room.
“Now look what you've done! I hope you're happy now!” said Jenny tartly.
“ I simply wanted to know what she felt,”
“You and your need to know, couldn't you see she was becoming upset, but no, you have to push just a little bit harder or further. If anything happens to that child, I shall never forgive you Dave Bond!”
“If anything happens to our child, then just remember where you were and what you considered the priority.”
“We all agreed I could race this season, so don't try to dump your guilt on me. I'm only doing what we agreed.”
“That was before we knew someone was trying to kill our children. I think that puts things into a different category.”
“So you want me to sacrifice my career. Okay, I'll sacrifice my career, then I'll be just a saddo like you, Mr Nobody meet your match, Mrs. Nobody. Go to hell!” Jenny stormed out of the room leaving Dave shaking with anger.
He absolutely loathed scenes, and this was possibly the worst one they'd had for years. He was angry and wanted to state his case more fully, but Jenny was not about to listen, she was running on adrenalin and more likely to hit him than listen. He wasn't jealous of her, well, not that much. He only wanted her to recognise his sacrifice in allowing her to go for her cycling, after all he hadn't been able to carry on his archaeology, not that he'd have been on Time Team or anything. But he'd given up his career to earn some money so they could cope with the demands brought about by having children.
Meanwhile, Jenny had found Drew lying on the bed howling and holding onto his bunny. “It's going to be all right pet, don't worry.”
Drew ignored her attempts to pacify him, he wanted to let it all hang out, and he was going to. He felt abandoned and unrecognised. They were busy fighting their own private war and he had no part in it, nor wanted one. What they weren't doing was hearing him.
Oh they'd ask questions like Dave did a few minutes before, but they wouldn't hear the answers, at least not his answers, because they seemed to have their own all ready. He was so cross with both of them he hated them.
No he didn't, he hated himself. He must have done something awful to deserve a fate like this. If he were to die, then they could all live happily ever after. Yes, it was him who had to go and soon.
He lay there thinking, Jenny was saying something but he wasn't listening, she had nothing to say he wanted to hear. It was obvious now he thought about it, all the trouble was due to him and because of him and his stupid body, his family was at risk and so was Maddy. How could he be so stupid? If he hadn't interfered with Meadows, then Cheeseman might still be alive and none of the others would be under threat.
Maybe what he needed to do was to let Meadows kill him, then he'd leave the others alone. It would solve both their problems, he needed to die and Meadows wanted to kill him. Problem solved, obvious really.
Jenny was still prattling, but Drew was oblivious to it, he was now scheming how he could let Meadows kill him. It was simple, just go out on his bike often enough and Meadows would find him, then bang! All over. Easy really. All he had to do now was go out on his bike, but first he had to get rid of his mother.
He sat up and Jenny tried to hug him, he pushed her hands away. “Please leave me alone, I don't want to talk anymore.” Then he lay down again and a shocked and speechless Jenny walked out of the room, weeping silently as she went.
As soon as he was clear of her, he stripped off his clothing and pulled on his cycling gear, he wore his kit from the final bike ride, which had Gaby's name on the shirt. He smiled as he put it on, it would rid him of Gaby once and for all, he would quite literally ‘kill her off'. Sadly it meant he had to die as well, but it was worth it.
He began to feel very calm as he started to realise his plan. The worry was over, he just hoped it would be over quickly and painlessly.
More immediately, he had to get out past his parents and grandmother, not to mention Maddy and her family. That was going to be slightly tricky. He knew the house very well, and he knew it was possible to reach the apple tree in the back garden from the bathroom. It required jumping and catching hold of a branch, so some coordination was necessary, plus a bit of nerve.
He was just about to sneak into the bathroom when Maddy went in there. “Oh no, if she comes in here and sees me in this outfit, she'll stop me going out.” He slipped into his bed and pulled the bedclothes over his cycling kit. He knew that Maddy must have heard his parents rowing and possibly even his storming out of the room, so it was reasonable that he'd be exhausted and gone to bed. He pretended to be asleep.
A few minutes later, as he expected Maddy came into the room. He tried to keep his breathing deep and regular, as if he were asleep. She seemed to stand and watch him for a while. Then she sat on her own bed. He could feel her eyes burning into him but he didn't stir, it was essential that she thought he was asleep.
“Gabs,” she hissed at him, but he ignored her. She hissed again with the same result. She stayed sitting on the bed and he heard her turning the pages of a magazine or comic. His heart sank, she could be there for some time.
He eventually relaxed enough for sleep to occur, and although it wasn't his plan, he was emotionally exhausted, so it would do him good.
Maddy also fell asleep. They were both in the land of nod for nearly two hours and it was only when Carol came looking for them that Maddy woke up. She immediately spotted Drew's cycling garb and tried to keep her mother out of the room until she could cover him up. She wanted to know what he was up to but without involving the olds. Her subterfuge worked and Carol left without seeing Drew or his clothes.
“I know you're like awake, so cut the faking,” said Maddy quietly to Drew.
He turned to face her, “Thanks for keeping your mum out, I don't wanna talk to any of the ‘rents just now.”
“ ‘sokay, why are you wearing a cycling shirt in bed?”
“ I just felt like it.” Drew thought it seemed as good an answer as any.
Maddy seemed to accept it, perhaps because she had heard the row which had preceded it. “What was all that noise about earlier?”
“Dunno, my olds had a go at each other. I s'pose they're getting a bit stressed what the house ‘n' things.”
“Yeah, could be,” she agreed nodding her head, “So who upset you?”
“My dad, he's always got to nit pick, y'know scrape away each layer like he was doin' a dig somewhere.”
She accepted what he said, then looking directly at him said, “You're going out on your bike, aren't you?” She pulled away the bedclothes and confirmed her suspicion that he was fully dressed, including his shoes.
“Yeah, I need to think. I do it best on my bike.”
“You know your mum is going in about an hour?”
“No I didn't, but I don't care. They've both pissed me about enough for a while, so they can both go to Germany or hell, whichever is nearer!” His anger showed in both the tone and content of this statement.
Maddy was truly shocked and her eyes opened widely. “Crikey Gabs, I've never heard you talk like that about your ‘rents before.”
“Well that's how I feel today, tomorrow may be better,” he said visualising himself lying on a mortuary trolley.
“Anything I can do to help?” asked Maddy.
“Not tell anyone that I went out on my bike.”
“How about if I come with you?”
“NO,” he said loudly, “I need to do this alone.”
“Why Gabs, aren't you afraid that man is out there?” Maddy moved closer to him and tried to hold his hand, but he evaded her grasp.
“I've dealt with him a couple of times before and he came off worst.” The defiance in Drew's voice was clear. “Besides you keep telling me I'm a girl and cleverer than any bloke.”
“I didn't mean it like that,” Maddy shot back. Then with a look of dread she said, “You're wanting to meet him, aren't you?”
“Well, it'd be one way of ending this siege.”
“Who do you think you are, Lady Barclays?”
“Lady Bankes!” groaned Drew.
“Well I was close,” retorted Maddy, “Anyway, you're not her, Lady whatever, an' this is my castle, not yours. So,” she paused, “I'm not allowing you to leave. I'll lock you up in the dungeon if necessary.”
“Maddy, shut up!”
“I will not.”
“If I want to go out, you won't stop me.”
“No? Just try me or your dad!” she squared up to him as he rose from the bed. She was about an inch taller and several pounds heavier.
“Please don't do this Mad, I need to get out.”
“Sorry Gabs, if you get past me I shall scream for help.”
“If you do this Mad, I shall never speak to you again, I mean it.”
“If you meet Meadows, you won't be able to ever again, so what have I got to lose?”
He stopped to think, tears rolling down his face and Maddy, who was blocking his way to the door felt very sad, but was determined to stop him and that meant not showing him she was upset. She continued to stare at him with determination.
Standing up he held open his arms to offer a hug to Maddy, “Yeah, you're right, as always. Gi's a hug.”
Maddy hesitated for a moment, then embraced him in a monster hug. “So you're gonna stay?”
“Yeah, looks like. I s'pose I'd better change out of this lot,” he indicated his cycling clothes. “How's about lending me something nice to wear to say goodbye to Mum.”
“Yeah okay, what did you have in mind?” she asked leading the way to her huge closet. The Peters' house was built for them and that included large cupboards and wardrobes with all the bedrooms. Maddy's was a walk in closet, more like an American than British model.
She pulled open the door, and stepped inside. Drew said suddenly, “Sorry Mad,” and pushed her inside it slamming the door shut and wedging the handle with a chair. He then switched on her stereo as loudly as he thought was necessary to cover the noise of her banging and shouting.
Two minutes later he'd leapt into the apple tree and was then in the garage pulling out his bike and sneaking away down the road, hoping to meet his destiny before they noticed he was gone.
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