"Come on now, Drew, Wake up!"

I moaned and slurred

"Just another 5 minutes mum, then I'll get up."

"Wakey! Wakey! Drew, shake a leg."

My eyes flew open , that wasn't mums voice. I looked up into the face of a rather pretty redheaded nurse, with a glorious smile on her face, and my face coloured up like a beetroot.

"Oh! Hi!" I said "Sorry about that."

"No problem!" She mentioned, "but if you can stir yourself and climb into this wheelchair, we need to take you for a scan. Also, the young girl in the next room said that the accident couldn't have affected your brain, cos as a boy, you don't have one. We'll just have to prove her wrong won't we."

GGGGRR Maddy, wait till I get hold of her. We continued to the x-ray and scan department, laughing and joking. Though I was a little nervous about what was to take place, I soon found out that I needn't worry. The technician took me into a room that looked like something out of 'Startrek' and proceeded to explain that the machine that I was being put in, would pass over me taking pictures of all my body. That way the doctor would be able to see that everything was all right before I was discharged.

I was there for about half an hour, till they had all the pictures they wanted, then I was pushed back to the ward. The nurse pushed me into the next room so I could talk with Maddy. Cool.

Maddy and I exchanged stories, and I examined her cast. Then I asked her how she was going to be a bridesmaid with that on.

" Oh No!!" I hadn't thought of that" she sobbed. Tears streaming down her face.

"Never mind," I comforted her "We'll think of something."

"Oh Drew, it isn't just that I can't be a bridesmaid. It will throw all of the arrangements out of kilter. Everything is arranged and it will make an odd number , with me having to drop out."

"Calm down, Maddy." I urged, "We will sort something out, I'm sure. We can talk to mum about it when she comes back later. Everything will be O.K."

Maddy looked at me with an evil gleam in her eye.

"Oh No! Oh No! I won't do it. I won't take your place as Gaby, just so that it 'BALANCES' things up"

"But sweetheart," she wheedled, "We know that the dress will fit you cos' we are the same size and Aunt Cherie won't be able to outfit someone else in two days. P-L-E-A-S-E."

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I won't do it. Yesterday in Nottingham was bad enough. I'm a boy and boys don't do BRIDESMAID."

I got so worked up that the nurse came to see what was going on and I was escorted back to my own bed and told to get up there , don't move and relax. Calm down or the doctor will have to give you a sedative, I was warned.

Half an hour later after I had calmed down again, the nurse said did I feel up to a visitor. It was mum. I told her what had gone on between Maddy and I and that I had blown my cool, but regretted getting upset with Maddy. She was only thinking of Aunt Cherie.

"Drew. Hear me out before you say anything. IF you wanted to do this, to help out Aunt Cherie, then it could be arranged with no one else any the wiser. We could tell everyone in Cornwall that Drew had to stay in hospital for the weekend and that as a result we would be coming without him. As Maddy can no longer do the bridesmaid duties, cousin Gaby had joined us by train and would continue forward with us. Aunt Caroline isn't at the wedding and I'm sure she would agree to be your mum if anyone asked."

I must have looked uncertain, because mum said I didn't have to decide immediately, just think about it.

So, to change the subject, I asked if I would be fit to do the 25 miler on Saturday morning. Mum said that would only be an issue if I went as Drew as it was Drew and Maddy who were entered. Mum had already advised them of the accident and they sent their best wishes for a speedy recovery. I have agreed to ride for them, so instead of Junior National Champion, they get the winner of the Tour Feminin. They were happy with the substitution. Of course IF, and that is a big if, the doctor says it will be O.K., then you can go as guest. You will NOT however compete in the trial. You need recovery time.

I woke up again in time for tea. Hospital food, YEUK! Steak and kidney pie, I think the crust was made from concrete, peas that I could have used as bullets and mashed potato, the instant mash type with the consistency of rubber. Followed by rhubarb and lumpy custard. A cup of tea, (hot water frightened by a tea bag) and all of it half cold. I was determined to get out of that place.

After tea, I was allowed more painkillers. I still had a headache, but it was a lot better than when I first woke up this morning. Mum, dad and Jules arrived for a visit and Aunt Carol and Uncle John went in to Maddy. After hugs all round, which I needed, mum got straight down to business.

"Well, Drew. Have you thought any more of what we talked about. The decision is entirely yours. Dad and Juliette know about it and we have all agreed that whatever you decide, we will back you."

"I don't have anything against it in principle, in some ways it's quite cool fooling people into thinking I'm a girl. I just sometimes think that it has to be wrong, pretending to be a girl when I'm a boy......and liking it." There, I finally admitted it. I like being a girl.

"Honestly, Drew, there is nothing wrong with it. If you want to BE Gaby for the rest of this long weekend, to see how things go, that's fine by us. When we get home on Tuesday, we can all sit down and discuss what's happening and see where we go from there. You can wear Maddy's dress and take her place as a bridesmaid at your cousins' wedding, and before that watch your mum in the time trial."

"I'd like that, I think." I replied.

"Then, when you are released from here as Drew, we will all go back to our hotel while you become Gaby. That all right?"

"Yes mum, should we go and tell Maddy do you think."

"Good idea." Just at that moment, the doctor asked mum and dad if he could have a word with them about my condition. He also told me that he wanted me on my bed for the rest of evening, as I needed time to recover. Half an hour later the three of them came back in and asked Juliette if she would mind going in to see Maddy for a few minutes. She said she would fill Maddy in on the plan, and left us. "I've just been talking to your parents Drew, and they feel that you should hear what I had to tell them. We have had the results of your scan back, and they have shown up certain anomalies in your body that are unusual. We can't be certain, at this stage, but you appear to have what looks like a functional set of female reproductive organs inside you. It is nothing to worry about, but it would explain the lack of testosterone in your system and if, as we believe is happening, you are having monthly periods internally, that also explains your low blood count and weakness at times."

"We have arranged that when you go home you will go to Nottingham hospital for more tests. They will only take a few days and then we will know more of what is going on inside you. At the moment, you appear to be both boy and girl, and I would say the feminine side of you is the stronger. Despite how you look, Drew, I would say that you are a girl with extra bits, rather than a boy."

I just stared glassy eyed. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I felt emotions that I couldn't put a name to, as well as fear and confusion. Then I just fell apart. Tears streamed down my face as I broke into violent sobs. Mum took me in her arms and rocked me. That's how I fell asleep.

After a good nights sleep, I awoke to find mum asleep on a fold up bed beside me. I didn't want to wake her, but I definitely needed to relieve myself. I dashed to the loo and just made it in time. When I got back, mum was awake.

"Sorry mum, I didn't mean to wake you. Have you been there all night?"

"Yes. I thought it would be better if I was here when you woke up. How are feeling?"

Mum asked sounding quite concerned.

"Confused, afraid." I hesitated, then continued. "Mum, what am I, a boy or a girl? The doctor said last night I was a girl with extra bits. Am I Drew or Gaby? If I'm a girl why was I born with the appearance of a boy? And if I'm bleeding inside every month, am I going to bleed to death?" I wailed.

"Who do you think you are? At the end of the day, what is best for you is what counts. Despite what the doctor said, nothing has changed." Mum said soothingly." If you are having periods, then you have been for some time and they are probably only very light ones, so I don't think you are in danger of bleeding to death. As for your physical appearance, The doctor told your dad and I that that isn't as uncommon as people think. You are more well developed than most would be, and he thinks your male equipment doesn't work properly. Hence no testosterone. However, until further tests are done, it doesn't change anything."

"What do you and dad want me to be?" I asked with some trepidation. Mum answered warmly and firmly.

"We want you to be you, Silly. Whoever that is, we love you. Now the doctor says that as long as you have calmed down, we can all leave this morning. Maddy has to stay in a wheelchair, except at bedtime as she has her leg in a cast. Here are some clothes, so get dressed then when the doctor has been we can carry on to Cornwall.

I took off the hospital gown I was wearing and started to put on the clothes mum had brought.The underwear was girls, of course with my jeans and a tee shirt on top. Pretty middle of the road, but looking in the mirror, even without makeup, it was Gaby who was stood there, not Drew.

The doctor came on his rounds at about 10 o-clock and after asking me a few questions said I could go. He warned both mum and me that if I got dizzy spells, or passed out,then I should go to the nearest hospital immediately and tell them to ring him. Otherwise, he told us, enjoy. your wedding.

At about 11AM, we were back on the road in a replacement minibus( this one had a hoist at the back for Maddy's wheel chair.COOL! ) and arrived at Liskeard at mid afternoon. After asking directions, we arrived at aunties house at Dobwalls and started to unload all our luggage. After the introductions ( with me as Gaby,) My cousin said.

" But where's Drew?"

Elsa B 05.12.04 © 2004

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