Warsop

After I had slammed my bedroom door shut, I jumped upon my bed and started crying. I was confused about how I felt about Drew/Gaby and now that I was befriending Helen, I was even more confused over Drew. She was living in his old house, sleeping in his old room, was I seeing her now as Drew/Gaby? As I lay there, I heard a knock.

"Maddy, can we talk?"

"Sure Daddy," then I got up and opened the door. Then Daddy gave me a hug and sat down upon my bed. He very seldom came into my room. He would have Mummy talk to me because she knew more about being a girl.

"Maddy?" *It's time that I did this, past time.*

"Yes Daddy?"

"Want to talk about Drew?" *What will she say now?*

"Daddy I love Drew, but do I want Gaby more?" [sniff]

"This has a lot to do with your twin Marianne doesn't it?" *This is harder than I thought, Carol and I almost died wen she passed away, if it was not for Maddy, we would have. [sigh]*

"In a way." [sniff]

"Oh?" *We had it all wrong all these years.*

"Daddy, I never knew Marianne, but I know Drew all too well." [sigh.]

"Yes, you too are close." *You two are like mirror images of the other.*

"Daddy, it is almost as if he is Marianne." [sniff]

"In a way, you are correct." *Now to tell her the truth.*

"Oh?"

"Please do not tell your Mum what I am about to tell you." *She always was good at keeping a secret.*

"Sure Daddy."

"When Marianne died, your Mum went into hysterics, so Jenny placed Drew next to you so that your Mum could grieve and mourn for Marianne. Drew spent a month with you then." *Now you know why you and Drew are so close and maybe this will help you to cope with him in Germany.*

"No wonder we are so close Daddy, thanks for telling me."  [kiss.]

"You're welcome my Princess. Now what about Helen?" *Now to see if she is abusing that girl.*

"I see Drew when I see her" [sigh.]

"Why?" *Is Maddy now in love with Helen?*

"I think that its because she is sleeping in Drew's old room." [sniff]

"When you see it as her room, you will have truly accepted Helen." *Maddy is coping as best she can, but she still has far to go. [sigh] Oh, how I wish that I could take her hurt away, but True Love like she has for Drew must endure heartbreak and heartache to be strong.*

"O.K. Daddy." Then he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me to him. I felt safe in his arms and protected from harm. Then  he left and went to his and Mummy's room.

Then I went in and showered and got ready for bed. I decided to wear my pink satin jammies to night and my pink bunny slippers, then after setting out my clothes for tomorrow, I opened up my computer to check up on my mail. There were a couple from Grottoes, so I went ahead and opened them. The first one was from Sabrina.

*Hi Maddy.

Things are looking good over here in Grottoes now that we have started to apply the moves that helped you guys win the competition over here. After Brit was dropped from the squad for what she did to Drew while he was over here, Miss Bell decided to have tryouts for new Cheerleaders.

Darla is one and now we have enough to split up into different squads. I am heading up the Jazz Dance Division and Rachel is helping me. She was that Ballet student that was working with Em while she was over here. Rachel has really helped to add to our routine and now we have started adding Ballet moves and Yoga to our workouts.

Brit and Deb have been banned from participating in any school activities because of their mistreatment of Drew and their reason turns out to be dumb after all. Their parents it turns out would have let Drew and you share the attic as long as there were two beds. Now, those two are having to work for Diana in her shop in order to pay for college since they are banned from any scholarships except for student loans and Pell Grants.

Love Sabrina*

Hearing about how Brit and Deb were punished for hurting my Drew made me feel a whole lot better, but there was also the fact that Dan knew about Em being Rhod, would he find out about Drew/Gaby? If so, what would he do? While I was worried, I had to respond to Sabrina.

*Hi Sabrina.

I am glad to hear about their receiving their just deserts over hurting Drew, they took way too much pleasure in first making believe that he was a girl and then Brit went overboard in having Gaby in skirts all too often. Drew's only truly happy moments were away from school when he went riding with Diana and Erin.

I am glad that you are heading up the Jazz Dance Team. You have a wonderful gift and now you can use it to teach other how to dance. Em was really put through her paces by Rachel, so she should help you out in that regard as well,  just make sure you have someone massage you after the workout.

Love
Maddy.

When I opened the next one, I couldn't believe the message. It was from Dan, I would have to tell Em/Rhod about the message when I saw him/her next time.  Oh sod it!! It was confusing when your friend was transitioning, much less when you helped your boyfriend to be a girl. But that is my problem to deal with. All that I know is that Em needs to know this and I will have fun telling her.

Hi Maddy.

This is Dan. I know that you don't expect to hear from me, especially after i made a fool of myself when I learned about Em/Rhod and I forced a kiss upon Gaby/Drew. Yes, now I know about Drew/Gaby and I want to apologize and make amends to everybody for being such a jerk.

When I saw how Em had helped Sandy to be accepted by her family, I knew that I had made a big mistake about Em and getting beaten up by a guy that I had coerced into outing Em showed me just how much of a jerk that I was. I always knew that Rhod was a boy, but how he ever
 got to where he looked like a girl is a good joke on me. [Chuckle.]

I have been meeting with a support group with Sandy's dad, so I know that she is transitioning, but I will not tell him about Em, I feel that secret needs to be kept for Sandy's sake as well as Em's. If Sandy's family knew about Em's secret, I am sure that it would only hurt Sandy and i could never hurt her.

The reason that I know about Drew is because of Brit and Deb. When they were punished for hurting Drew, I knew that I had to do a lot of thinking. I thought that Drew was a real he-man for riding a bike like he does. i never did see him has a girl because I have seen many a horse jockey that were small like Drew.

Horse jockeys ride a horse during a horse race. They are either petite men or women and weigh very little. To me, Drew was like them and i respected him for emulating his Mother. With her winning all of those races, I just knew that he wanted to be just like her. What I never expected was that he was also Gaby.

When I learned about Gaby, I knew that I was totally wrong about Em/Rhod and the reason for him being Em. But now that Rhod wants to be Em, I want to wish her all the best and that she has a good journey has she becomes Em in body as she is in spirit.

Please do not keep on tricking Drew into being Gaby if you still are because he needs to be Drew. Drew does like you Maddy, if you push him away by making him be Gaby, it will be your loss.

Love
Dan

The letter from Dan was an eye opener! He has changed a lot from the cad that was over here, now here he was wanting to make amends and here I was about to forgive him just like Drew would have. But it would be up to Em to forgive him for herself.

Hi Dan.

I am glad that you have accepted both Em and Drew. Em is a real sweet girl that we all love. She only wishes the best for you and I know that she will be happy to know that you are doing better. But she knows about you telling those three guys and that was why  that they assaulted her. She has had nightmares about it, but she defended her attackers and now they are on probation.

There is another boy that took her out on a date only to get fresh with her and put out the story that Em is easy. I know that Sandy helped to teach him a lesson, but it still hurt Em and she is reluctant to date a boy now. She is living with her Dad in Wales until school begins. I will let her know how you have changed.

Drew will be glad to here that you accept him as Gaby. He has never wanted to be Gaby, it was at times circumstances and at times me tricking him into being Gaby. But, you are right. I do need to stop tricking Drew into being Gaby. Right now, he is in Germany with his family, so I can't trick him.

I do hope that Brit and Deb learn from their mistake and grow up because pulling all of those pranks without regards to a victims health is dangerous for the victim.

Love
Maddy.

Then I turned off my computer and went to bed.

I had a nightmare about how I had hurt my Drew. In the nightmare, Drew was really Gaby. Drew was born more Gaby than Drew and had chosen to become Gaby. She had chosen to not tell the gang since she was moving to Germany after the trip to America. I would have been told, but I went shopping with friends, so I never knew until it was too late.

Gaby  really wanted to tell me, but she never got the chance to & because of the anti- lesbian attitude of the Cheerleader of Augusta  High School, I turned against Gaby. It all  came to a head at Gaby's Birthday Party where I finally outed her to Clive and Paul.

I was given a gift to give to Gaby, but instead of giving it to her silently, I gave it to Rhod to hand to her while she was Drew. When Gaby accepted the gift, Clive and Paul knew what we all knew and at that moment, I saw that I had broken Gaby's heart. When she slapped me, I knew that I had lost my True Love and that she would hate me forever more.

 l lost all of my friends and had to repeat that year. Worst of all, I could not admit that I still loved Gaby. I had to admit that I was a lesbian and that Gaby was my MATE! It took me years to admit my true feelings to myself and when I did, Gaby was ready to forgive me and accept me.

We got married in Germany after we both graduated from college and we met our Warsop friends again and those from America as well. I was amazed that my family supported me and Gaby and that our friends were there too.

When I woke up, I cried for Gaby and when my Mum came to me,and sat on my bed. I knew that I had awakened my parents with my weeping.

 "Why are you crying pet?" *John's talk with her has done something, what I don't know.*

"Mummy, I just had a nightmare!" [sniff]

"Want to talk to me about it?" *Is she finally coping with Drew's move to Germany or fighting it?*

"Yes Mummy." [sniff]

"Then I will make us a cuppa." *She always likes to have our talks over a cup of tea.*

Then we went into the kitchen where my Mum set out three cups and toast and butter.

"Since it's nearly time to get up, I will go ahead and make brekkie, how does waffles sound?" *I feel that we could do with a treat.*

"Great Mum." she knows I love waffles even if I can't make them. [giggle] Last time, we had waffle that i made, we all had tummy aches. [giggle]

Then I set about helping Mum prepare the waffles. As I stirred the batter that Mum prepared, Mum got the griddle ready and when the batter was ready, Mum guided me in making them. My waffles turned out to be top notch thanks to Mum, I am going to start helping her more because I need to learn to cook so that I can cook for Drew.

"Maddy, you did well on the waffles." *She can learn, she just needs the initiative.*

"Thanks Mum, I need to learn how to cook for Drew." [sigh]

"Why the sudden interest?" *Was it her nightmare?*

"My nightmare."

Then my Dad came in and sat down as Mummy placed a plate of waffles and syrup on front of him and his cup of coffee.

"What nightmare Princess?"

"I dreamed that I outed Drew to Clive and Paul and I lost my friends Daddy." [sniff]

"Why Princess?" *She needs to face her fears.*

"It as all due to the anti-lesbian attitude in Grottoes. Because of that, I turned against Gaby." [sniff]

"Gaby? What about Drew?"

"Drew in my nightmare was more Gaby than Drew Mummy."

"What then?" *has she confused Drew and Gaby now?*

"Gaby slapped me for hurting her [sniff]and I spent years regretting my actions. [sniff] But in the end, Gaby and I married Daddy." [sniff.]

"Sounds to me as if in your heart, you have accepted Gaby as apart of Drew."

"Daddy, what if I want Gaby over Drew?" [sniff, sniff]

"Listen to your heart, it will never steer you wrong." *Then your nightmares will end.*

"Thanks Daddy." [kiss]

"Go get ready Princess and I will take you to the bus stop." *I seldom have time for this, it is a treat for me as much as it is for her. [chuckle]*

"Thanks again Daddy." [kiss] I never can kiss my Daddy enough to show how much it is that I love him.

Then I ran upstairs to get dressed. Since it was a bit chilly, I wore my white tights instead of my socks today. They would go nice with my leotard in Cheer practice after school today.

"Why the tights Princess?" *She always wears her socks, has she started with tights to be more like Gaby?*

"It is a bit nippy Daddy, let's see you wear a skirt and see how you like it." [giggle]

"No thanks Maddy, besides, I make a better Gandalf than a girl any day." [chuckle.]

"Oh John?" *He needs a god laugh.*

"Yes Caro?" *What evil scheme has she cooked up now? [chuckle]

"There is the cosplay convention this weekend, want to be Gandalf?" [giggle.]

"Why not me be Elrond and you can be Galadriel and Maddy can be Arwen?" [chuckle]

"Sure Daddy.[giggle] I love these cons as much as they do.

"I'll get the costumes ready then." [giggle]

"What about the other costumes?" Would I be a Hobbit too?

"We will decide tonight Maddy." *She has been wearing tights all this week, normally I would not b concerned, but she ofter had Drew as Gaby and Gaby wore Tights a lot. Is she becoming Gaby to cope with missing Drew?*

"See you later Mummy." [kiss]

"Love you pet." [kiss] *She loves the cons, maybe going there will be good for her.*

Then after Mum and Dad snogged, he took me to the stop and dropped me off.

"Why tights Maddy?" *She seldom wears them except for Cheer and when it's cold.*

"The weather Bernie, It is a bit nippy for socks right now." [giggle]

"Wish that I had thought of it, my knees are cold. [giggle] Too bad girls can't wear trousers like boys do." [giggle]

"Yeah, but how many boys do you know that wears a skirt?" [giggle]

"Only two Ally, Drew and Rhod." [giggle]

"What about those who wear kilts?" [giggle]

"What? Bernie, those knobby knees and hairy legs are gross." [giggle]

Then we all laughed, but I could see that Ally was pensive. Rhod had been in Wales all this time and was due back soon. The only reason that she was not back was that Em was too sick for school. "It's Rhod, isn't it?"

"Yes,[sniff, sniff] I do not know if I can truly accept him as Em." [sniff, sniff]

"Go with your heart and you can't go wrong." We both are missing our best friends, at least mine is still a guy, but poor Ally's has decided to become Em. [sigh]

"Thanks Maddy, [sniff, sniff] we are both missing our best friends,[sniff, sniff] your support mean a lot to me."[sniff, sniff]

"Anytime Ally,anytime. [sniff, sniff]We both have the same problem." [sniff, sniff]

"You and Drew?" [sniff, sniff] *She is beginning to open up more, I am perhaps the only one that can understand her.*

"Yes,[sniff, sniff] I can't seem to decide if I want Drew or Gaby more." [sniff, sniff]

"Talk to your parents about it,[sigh] let them know I have talked to mine and Sylvie and it helps." *It took a lot of tears, but sharing with them, helped me to give voice to my fears.*

"I have,[sigh] they gave me the advice that I gave you. Maybe I should ask my Gran." She is so smart about things, why haven't I thought of her before?

"Maddy," Bernie placed her right hand on my shoulder, " whatever you choose, we will be here for you." Then Ally copied her and they both smiled warmly at me.

"Thanks guys." Then I hugged them as Helen arrived, she too was wearing tights like I was.

"Sorry for being late, but I had to find my tights, [giggle] Mum had them in her room. [giggle]

"Was your Mummy wanting to come to school? [giggle]

"No Maddy, {giggle] she like the stitching. [giggle]

Then I saw that her tights were winter tights, thick like they were knitted by hand. {Oh]

Then we hugged until the bus arrived. We got on board and wore lost in our thoughts as we got ready for the day. In assembly, Mr. Woods once again showed his knack for knowing about our sporting triumphs when he told of my time at Cuckney. The rest of the day passed and when it was time for Cheer practice, Mrs. C called me over after practice.

"Maddy, I've noticed that you are getting a bit confused at times during practice." *She used to be so graceful, now she is getting clumsy.*

"I am sorry about that Mrs. C, but I miss Em and Drew." [sigh]

"I am sure that you mostly miss Drew." *Their Love for each other was so sweet.*

"Yes ma'am,[sniff] I miss him terribly." [sniff]

"Maddy, if you can't deal more effectively with it, I may have to drop you from the squad."  *Maybe that will get her to focus.*

"Please Don't,[sniff] I will do better."[sniff]

"Very well Madeline Anne Peters, now go on and please try to remember one thing." *Now for the advice*

"What is that?"

"Be yourself, not Gaby." *Will she heed it?*

"SAY WHAT??"

"You were trying to be Gaby today." *Girl, everybody could tell.*

"I guess that I was, [giggle]wasn't I?" [giggle]

"Yes you were, now if we could get you to faint at surprises,..." *Now the laughter*

"I could be Gaby." [giggle]

Then I went home with Bernie, Ally and Helen. We went to my place because it was my night to host the gang. Mum was busy setting out a buffet, so we helped her by setting out the plates and silver and cups out on the patio.

"Maddy, how was practice?"

"Mrs. C talked to me about how much I was being Gaby Mum." [sniff]

"Well Mad, you have started acting like Gaby ever since Drew went away." *Oh Maddy, my Pet, you need to stop being Gaby.*

"Mum, [sniff] am I crazy for becoming Gaby?" [sniff]

"No pet,[sigh] you are simply missing your best friend, why don't you call Drew tonight?" *I am sure that will help and I know that Jon would approve.*

"Thanks Mum." [kiss]

Then after I had showered and changed into my track suit, I called Drew."

"Bond residence, Drew speaking."

"Hey Drewbie."[kiss,kiss]

"Hey Mad." [ kiss, kiss]

"How are things in Germany?" [giggle] His phone kisses are the best! [sigh]

"Going to school and making friends." [chuckle]

"They mistaking you for a girl?" [giggle]

"Yes, [chuckle] a few are, but at least my friends know I am a boy." [sigh] It is so right to talk to Maddy about it. Talking to her helps me to give voice to my thoughts.*

"Mostly girls,[giggle] right?" [giggle]

"Only girls actually." [chuckle]

[giggle] "Should I be jealous?" [giggle]

"No Maddy,[chuckle] they all treat me like a brother." [sigh]

[giggle]"Even Kat?"[giggle]

"Well,[chuckle] you might need to worry about her." [chuckle]

"Thanks for being honest with me Drew,[sniff]  I was afraid that I had lost you."[sniff]

"Never Mad."[sniff, sniff] Why would you think that you had lost me?"

"Drew, [sniff] I had a nightmare where I lost you, sniff] and I have been acting like Gaby too." [sniff] I am glad that he knows how I feel now.

"Maddy,[sniff] you will never lose me,[sniff] I won't always be in Germany." [sniff, sniff]

[sniff, sniff] "You mean that you will be moving back soon?"[sniff, sniff]

"No Mad,[sniff, sniff] I will be in a few races there in time." sniff, sniff] " But I hope that in time that we do get back together." [sniff, sniff]

[sniff, sniff]"Me too."[sniff, sniff]

Then after we hung up, I felt a lot better and went down to dinner. I slept peacefully that night except that I had a weird dream.