"Okay, Josie, just slip your clothes back on, I have seen everything I need to," Dr Boyle said.

I went behind the screen; I mean how stupid was this? He had just seen me stark naked, and now I had to put my clothes on behind a screen.

I dressed, conscious now that I was almost filling my bra by myself. I still padded myself out, but hoped it wouldn't be long now. I was wearing a dress, which I guessed would be easier to slip on and off.

I came out from behind the silly screen and smiled as I sat down in front of his desk. The doctor was writing on my file.

He looked up and noticed my smile. He smiled as well.

"I know, but sometimes people get embarrassed by dressing in front of me."

"Oh."

"Well, I've seen Dr Simpson's letter, and the note from the psychiatrist. And now I have had an opportunity to examine you myself, I suppose the only thing left to do is discuss surgical options and then dates."

"Options?"

"Yes. Not everyone who comes to us wants the whole works. For some the actual key is the outward appearance, and the construction of female genitalia is secondary and sometimes unnecessary. However, your outward appearance does not seem to be in any doubt. I take it that you wish to be fully functioning as a female, sexually, that is?"

I blushed and nodded.

He came round the desk and took my head in his hands, looking at my nose, lips, jaw line, and throat.

"Your Adam's apple is slightly prominent, but only if you tilt your head back. I'd like to just take a little from your nose, and add a little to the lips. Your jaw line is fine, not at all masculine.

"Your breasts are developing well, and it is up to you if you want me to enhance you in that department. My guess would be that you would end up with a 36B at least, without my help. In that area, you are slightly more developed than most in your position, probably due to the prolonged period you have been taking hormones. I would hesitate to recommend enhancement, purely as I am uncertain as to how large you will get. You are a slender girl, and large breasts may be visually exciting, but practically a bloody nuisance. So what do you want?"

I looked at my breasts, with breast forms now covered over.

"How big am I at the moment?"

"36C, at a guess."

"I don't want to be any bigger, I don't think."

"You don't need to make your mind up now. I am pencilling you in for the SRS on the fifteenth of July. It is April now, so if over the next three months you stop growing, or decide to have 36DD, then let me know with about a week's notice."

"This July?"

"Is that a problem?"

"I imagined it would be later. That's all."

"No, your development and hormone levels are just about right. I propose to create an artificial vaginal channel, labia, clitoris and everything else by utilising what you have left. I may have to use some tissue from your colon, but that depends on what I have to work with. Once completed, then you are looking at a recovery period of around twelve weeks."

"That long?"

"Actually, you will be up and living a normal life after a few days, but, you won't be using the new equipment for at least twelve weeks. And there are exercises that must be done."

"I heard, the dilators?"

He smiled.

"Yes, the dreaded dilators."

"Right, so what do I do now?"

"Well, I can arrange for the facial surgery to be done at the same time, or earlier, as you want?"

"Is the facial stuff really necessary?"

"We are talking about the rest of your life. You are only eighteen, and your face is growing a little. This will feminise your face and give you a softer appearance. Not essential, but I think psychologically important. Also, you do not really want to keep going through surgery, so if you have everything done at once, then you may feel as if you have been in the ring with Tyson, but it will only be the once."

I thought about it and got up and looked in the mirror. I hadn't really looked properly before, but now he mentioned it these 'little' things suddenly seemed huge.

"Okay. Do it," I said, and he simply smiled and wrote on his notes.

"Ah, how much will all this cost?" I asked, suddenly worried.

He looked at me.

"It isn't cheap."

"I am well aware of that. It is not as if I don't keep up with what is going on. How much?"

"With everything, including the hormones over the first year, about £35,000."

"Shit," I said. I had been prepared for £20,000. This would clear me out completely. I needed a job, or my share in the business.

"I have a letter from your GP, and in it he states that your parents have promised to foot the bill."

"My parents? I can't ask them to do that."

"It seems they want to. Look." he said handing me Dr Simpson's letter. There was a short paragraph in which he assured Mr Boyle that all funding was coming from my parents.

"I can't let them do this," I said, feeling terrible.

"Look, that is for you to sort out. I will proceed as planned, so I will see you again on the 14th July, and by the end of the 15th, you will be able to start a new life."

I smiled, but still felt awful about the funding issue.

I left him and found Paul chatting up the receptionist.

He saw me and immediately realised that I was not entirely happy. He came over, and took my hand.

"Well, how'd it go?"

Oh, Paul, fine, I've been booked in for the fifteenth of July, but my parents have said they'd pay. I can't let them do that," I said.

"Look, the important thing is the operation, is there a problem?"

"No, he will do all my bits and a little cosmetic on my face."

"Face, what's the matter with it, you are gorgeous."

"He says I have a slightly prominent Adam's apple, and my nose needs a little taking off. Also, he'd like to make my lips a little fuller."

He looked at me, and squinted as if trying to picture what I'd look like with these changes.

"Hmm, I guess, but to be honest, I still think you are very feminine and gorgeous."

I hugged him.

"That's why I love you," I said.

"You what?"

"I love you Paul. Over the last few weeks, I have come to realise that you make me complete. So thanks for being there for me."

"Oh you silly girl, I have loved you since that first night. But daren't get too heavy, in case."

"In case of what?"

"I don't know. Just in case. I might appear in control and secure in myself, but I'm not. Every day I get up and wonder if I did the right thing, and then look at you and know for certain that I have. But I am terrified that I might lose you."

"Why should you?"

"The daft thing, I keep thinking you will want a real man."

I looked at him.

"You are more of a man than anyone I have ever met. The measure of a man is not in the trouser department, but in his heart and soul. So don't be silly," I said, and he kissed me.

"Come on, lets go home," he said, and we went out into the car park. The police officer was in his vehicle, and he nodded as we got into our car. So, with our protector behind us, we headed back home.

The Superintendent was as good as his word, but I had to go to see the principal of the college. I dressed smartly in a dark knee length skirt, a pale blue blouse, and a dark jacket. I deliberately wore tights and smart shoes with mid length heels.

Mother fussed with the invisible fluff on my shoulders and said that I looked too mature to be a schoolgirl.

I asked my protectors to give me a lift, and got Pete Searle, a powerful looking ex-Royal Marine. He was dressed casually, but I knew he had a gun on his belt.

He walked with me through the college, and I was aware that many people were looking at me.

He waited outside Mr Chamber's office when I went in.

Mr Chambers was a friend of my father's and was now aware of my medical problems as well as the potential threat on my life. He was actually a very nice man and good at his job.

"Jo, sit down. My goodness, you have changed!"

I sat down, and crossed my legs, in a feminine manner. He stared at my legs, and I saw his eyes travel up to the swell of my breasts and then finally he met my eyes.

"What a thing. How are you?"

"I'm actually great, but obviously, this makes things difficult for me. So that is why I need space to finish my assignments."

He was unaware what 'this' referred to, and frowned.

"Um, do you mean....?"

"The police protection and the possible threat against me. My gender transition is not a problem for me, but may be for some small minded people who are too insecure in themselves to understand."

"So, how can I help?" he asked.

"I need access to the library, and the college intranet. Most of the assignments I can do at home, but I will have to get notes from the teachers. If they could be Emailed to me, I can Email assignments directly back either to them or to the college secretary. I don't really want to wander about the campus, as I am more vulnerable and the last thing you want is an incident involving armed police on campus."

"Quite," he said, still frowning. I smiled, as I could see that this part of the equation had not really been an issue, but my gender change had.

"Look, Mr Chambers. I am a girl, and I am not going to embarrass myself, or the college. I am sensitive to the potential ruckus that my presence, like this, may cause, so I will keep away as much as I can. But I have to be here for the exams, and neither of us can avoid that."

He smiled.

"Jo, I have known you for most of your life, and well for the last couple of years, as your father and I have been friends for thirty years. Looking at you now, I am so astounded at how utterly convincing you are, and the drastic change in you, that I am so surprised that you managed to hide it so well."

"It came to the point that I couldn't live a lie any more."

"Well, if you see Mark Brady in the IT department, I am sure he can arrange to include your home PC in the network. As for the campus, you are a student here, so make use of whatever facilities as you will. Would you like me to make any form of announcement about you?"

"I'll leave that up to you. I am a bit reluctant to get too involved with the others just yet. I may look confident and in control, but underneath I am very nervous about everything."

He looked at me, his expression gentle and genuinely caring.

"Jo, look, I have had an awful lot of people from your different groups come and ask after you. Rumours are flying, and to be honest, not all are nice ones. I think, as you are out in the open, so to speak, it would be best to come right out and confront them."

"What do you suggest?"

"An informal meeting in each classroom, I can have a few words my way of introduction to them, and then you can come in and just be there for a while. Get back to normal."

I only had three groups, The IT group, French, and the Design and Technology group.

"Okay. If I must. What about PC Searle?"

"Who?"

"My protection officer. He's outside."

"Then he can come and sort of lurk," he said, with a smile.

I looked at my hands, and the redness of my nail varnish seemed to accentuate the changes I had gone through.

"Okay, if I must."

"Good girl. Then lets get it over with."

We looked at the schedule, and saw that my French set was on as we spoke, and the others were later in the day, all before lunch.

We walked to the French room, and I explained to the officer that my situation was going to be explained to the groups.

"Makes sense," he muttered, and stood outside as we went in.

There was an immediate silence as we entered, and I felt very nervous.

The French teacher, Sabrina Downs, looked at me with a frown, as if she recognised me, but couldn't remember where from.

I saw a couple of people nudge each other, and knew they were aware who I was.

"Sorry to interrupt, Sabrina. Okay, ladies and gents, if I could have your attention please."

Silence fell.

I just wanted the ground to open up.

"I am aware various rumours have been circulating, and I am here with Josie Fortune to put an end of those rumours. Josie, whom you all knew as Joe, is as you can see not exactly the same as you last saw her. She has suffered from a gender disorder, which is now on the road to being rectified. All her life she has struggled with her masculine appearance, and is relieved to be able to appear as she should always been. This might seem weird to some of you, but she is brave enough to come here today to face you all as the person she intends to be for the rest of her life.

"Also, if this isn't enough for the poor girl, she is under police protection because of an on-going investigation, in which she is a key witness. For this last reason, she will not be in some of the classes you regularly take, as her presence on campus increases her vulnerability, and is a potential liability for us.

"I ask of you two things. One, be kind to her, she is going through a tough time, and two, if you can support her, then I am sure your friendship will be invaluable to her. The college is supporting her in every way we can, and I really do expect the immature and downright nasty rumours to cease as from today."

He looked at me, and smiled. I tried to return the smile, but I was just shaking too much.

He left, and Sabrina came over to me and put her arm around my shoulders. I tried really hard not to cry, and she sat me down at a desk in the front.

"I never knew," she said, apologetically.

"No one did," I said.

There was a buzz of conversation, and one by one my classmates came and gave me a hug. I couldn't help myself, and I openly wept.

Not a lot of work was done, as I was asked if I wanted to explain the situation myself.

I stood at the front, and looked at everyone. There were a few confused frowns, but no hostile looks.

"I'm one of those unfortunate people who was born into the wrong body. All my life I have known I should have been a girl, but convention and peer pressure had prevented me from expressing or attempting to realise that desire.

"I lived a lie, and for that I apologise to each of you. Now I find I can't lie any longer, and I have had to do something about it. In a few months, I will have completed all the necessary operations required to complete my transition, and I ask for your understanding. I accept that I will probably offend some, but it is not my intention. If anyone wants to talk to me about anything, then I would ask that you come to me and I will try to explain. Just, just please do me the decency of not spreading any nasty things about me. I just want to live my life."

I sat down again, and there was a moment of silence.

"Hey Josie, are you free Friday evening?" shouted out Tim Ryan, the tall class joker at the back.

I smiled.

"What do you have in mind?" I shouted back.

He grinned.

"I'm not bothered, I just want you to know, you look good, girl." he said, and there was a murmur of agreement.

I went through that another two times with my other classes, and by lunchtime I was an emotional wreck. By the third one, some of the class had been with me in one or both of the others, so knew what to expect.

In the technology class, Mr Cooper stared at me, and it suddenly dawned on him that he had seen me before when I had handed my assignment in. He grinned, and told me that he had thought and thought about who I was, and it never dawned on him who I really was.

He went over my assignments and was very pleased with what I had submitted so far. My actual project related to a skate/ski board simulator, attached to a computer. The four hydraulic rams attached to the base of the board caused it to move in a realistic fashion, and the visual screen showed a variety of virtual reality scenes to select. The board/scenes changed from snow to urban, and the snowboard even had bindings and was very realistic.

I had completed the manufacture of the prototype, and was trying to iron out a few of the computer glitches. Some of the commands to the rams were a little disjointed and lacked the smooth feel that I was really after. The hardware was fine, but I needed to work on the program side.

This I could do at home, and he was more than happy for me to do that there.

French was a little more difficult to do by myself, and I agreed to attend two classes a week, for the conversational/oral side of the subject.

I.T. was the easiest. I was actually more advanced than the teacher, and everything could be done at home. So, the reality was I only had to attend two French lessons every week, and the occasional lab work for I.T.

As the bell went for lunch, I expected to alone so I could escape. However, far from it, I was immediately surrounded by my classmates and whisked to the food hall. PC Searle waited outside again. As we entered, as silence fell, and I tried to run, but Tim Ryan was holding my arm.

"You'll be fine," he said.

Then, to my embarrassment and surprise, everyone started clapping, and that was enough. I burst into tears.

Debbie and Caroline took me to the ladies, and allowed me the space to gather myself. Then I realised I was in the ladies for the first time and got the giggles.

They were frowning at me.

"What's up?"

This made it worse, and tears were rolling down my cheeks, I was laughing so hard.

Eventually, I stopped, and managed to tell them why I was laughing. That started them off, and I started again. I did manage to control myself, and went to one of the cubicles and relieved myself.

They stayed with me as I repaired my makeup.

"Shit, Josie, I'd never ever have even thought you could have been a bloke," Debbie said.

"Particularly that real nerd, Joe," said Caroline, and then realised what she had said.

"Fuck. Sorry. Its just you are just so bloody different."

I smiled.

"Thanks."

"No, I really mean it. You look great," she said, and gave me a hug.

We went out and I suddenly found myself the centre of attention, and everyone wanted to sit with me. I queued up for my salad, and sat with the two girls, and gradually the table filled up with the others.

Stewart came in, looked round and saw me. He grinned and came over.

"Hi Barbie doll. You are looking good,." he said, and surprised me, and everyone else, by kissing my cheek.

"Hi Tosspot. Thanks."

He grinned, and went and got some food. He came back and dragged a chair over so he was close to me.

All my fears and reservations disappeared, and I found myself surrounded by friends. There were a few who declined to join my fan club, and I was okay with that. But most of the people I had got to know over the last two years still wanted to remain my friends.

I now wished I had done this, years ago.

Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?

Pete Searle was chatting up one of the pretty admin girls in the main reception, and I grinned as I recalled Paul chatting up the receptionist in the hospital. Men!

"Okay, I'm done," I said.

"Where now?"

"Home, I suppose. Unless you want to do anything or go anywhere," I said.

"Um, any chance we could pop into a sports shop. I need some new trainers," he said.

"No problem, just don't let me go anywhere near a clothes shop. I have too many clothes as it is," I said.

I directed him to the ring road, as I remembered a large shoe outlet on a retail estate just near the old Rover works at Cowley. It was now involved in making the new Minis for BMW.

He bought a couple of pairs of shoes, and I bought four pairs. Two smart shoes, a gorgeous pair of suede boots and a pair of slip on trainer type shoes.

I shrugged as he looked at my bags.

"Never let a girl near clothes or shoes. We have an inbuilt urge to spend money," I said, and he laughed.

He drove me home, and I went up to my room. Mother was out, and Dad wasn't due back for four hours yet.

I logged onto my PC, and managed to get on line with the college. I was in the network.

I did a little programming, but still couldn't solve my command problems. It was just one aspect, whereby the information was not getting through quick enough, and I called up Stewart.

"Hi Stoo, its Josie."

"Hi, are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"That was a pretty heavy thing to do." "I'm fine. Everyone was brilliant."

"Yeah, the amount of people who have come up to me and asked me what bits you have or haven't got. Do you remember Craig, and meeting him that time with your assignment?"

"I'm not likely to forget."

"Well, he was asking whether you are dating yet."

"No?"

"Yeah. He says that you screwed with his brain ever since that day, and he hasn't been able to get you out of his mind. He thinks you look awesome."

"Bloody hell. He never came up to me."

"I think he was embarrassed, he got me on my own and made me swear not to tell you."

I laughed.

"Which you would never do."

"Of course. I am but a man of my word."

"You sod," I said, laughing.

"Seriously, Josie, you did a good thing today."

"I hope so. It was bloody hard."

"I'll bet. Look, can I come round? I need to talk to you about the shop in any case?"

"Sure. Ten minutes?"

"Yeah, bye."

Fifteen minutes later, I heard his motorcycle on the drive. A short while later he arrived at my door, panting.

"Shit, I just got the fright of my life," he said.

"Why?"

"A fucking great copper jumps out the bushes and demands to know what I am up to. You could have warned them, Josie."

"Shit. I forgot. Sorry."

We sat and chatted about the shop. Martin was worried I was going to get awkward about my share, and I told Stewart to tell him not to worry. Then we spent a couple of hours working on my programming problem.

I had taken my smart suit off and was wearing a denim skirt and a tee shirt.

Stewart was busy typing, and I was leaning over him watching the screen.

"Josie, don't do that?" he said.

"What?" I said.

"Push your tits against my neck. I'm getting a boner with you this close."

I was genuinely shocked.

"Stewart!"

"What do you expect? Have you looked at yourself recently?" he said.

I looked in the mirror, and I couldn't see anything unusual.

"What?" I asked.

"Josie, you are a seriously sexy girl. Now I know what you were, I have known you for long enough, and I think I know what you have in your tight panties, but I still find you very distracting."

"You do?"

"Yes, I fucking well do, so just remember that you are not the same as you used to be, okay?"

I was a little hurt, and he could sense it.

"Look, we have been mates a long time. But you have changed, so it is to be expected that our relationship may change too. You are fucking stunning, and my gonads are not that bright. If you keep rubbing against me, it is natural that my testosterone is going to react. Besides you have Paul, so just remember, you are a girl, and I am a boy. I don't have a girl friend, and if you keep rubbing your boobs against me, we are both going to regret what might happen."

I was speechless. It had never occurred to me that he would see me any differently.

"Hey, I have an idea," he said, and returned to the task at hand. I was careful to keep further away.

I heard mother come home, and she had obviously seen the motorcycle in the drive, because she came up to say hello to Stewart.

"Hi Mrs Fortune," he said.

"Hello Stewart. How are you?"

"I'm okay, thanks. So how do you like your new daughter?" he asked.

"Stewart!" I said, going red.

Mum laughed.

"She's lovely, but it is taking a little while to get used to."

"She's gorgeous. No wonder you have armed police in the bushes to guard her," he said, and nudged me in the ribs with his elbow.

Mum didn't know what to say to that, and just smiled at me.

"Are you staying for supper?" she asked him.

"No, but thanks. I have to get back," he said, and looked at his watch.

Mother walked off, and we returned to the computer. He had managed to iron one or two kinks out, but we had a way to go. It had given me some ideas though.

"I'd better go. Do you fancy going out for a drink later?" he asked me.

I thought for a moment. Paul was in Bournemouth, starting his article on hotels.

"Okay, when and where?"

"You will, cool. Some of the crowd are going to the Feathers. Do you want to pick me up, I can't see you riding pillion?"

"Okay, what time?"

"Nine?"

"Fine."

"Oh, and Josie?"

"What?"

"Wear something sexy."

"Why?"

"Because you can," he said, and ran quickly out before I could throw anything at him.

The atmosphere at dinner was a little strained, as I brought up the subject of my operation and the funding issue.

"Dad, I can't allow you to pay for my operation. It isn't fair," I said.

He put down his fork, and looked at me.

"Josephine. My responsibility as a parent is to do the best for you. Now I am aware that you have a little money saved up, and even might have enough to cover some of the costs. However, there is no point losing all your capital at this point in your life. This is not a matter for discussion."

"But, Dad...."

"Jo, enough. When I am old and senile, your responsibility as one of my children will be to ensure that I am looked after. Then you may make decisions over my welfare, but as for now, I am capable of making decisions about my daughter who needs help."

Mother just looked at me and smiled.

"Thanks, but it isn't fair on the others."

"Since when has life ever been fair?" he asked me.

"It's not," I said.

"Besides, when one of the others has needed help, I have given it. Your sister has a bloody nice flat, and that cost a hell of a lot more than this will. I didn't hear either of you bleat about fairness then."

I stayed silent, and he continued, with a very gentle tone.

"Josie, what kind of father would I be to allow you to go through this unaided? I want the best for you, and we can afford it. Just accept this with the grace you no doubt have."

I looked at him, and almost cried again. These hormones didn't half screw with my emotions.

"Thanks Dad, you are lovely," I said, and went and gave him a hug.

I helped clear away supper, and told my folks I was going out for a drink with Stewart.

"Don't you drink and drive, young lady," said Dad.

"You know I don't."

"And, there is a lot of date rape about," observed my mother.

"I'll be careful. I think I can trust Stewart," I said, smiling at Dad who was rolling his eyes at me, behind Mum's back.

I went and changed into a short tight leather skirt, with a white blouse, and a black leather jacket. I pulled on my black long boots with the high heels, and spruced up my makeup.

I was ten minutes late picking up Stewart, who looked a little shocked at my short skirt.

"Shit, I didn't really mean it," he said.

"Mean what? Oh, this old thing? I was just lounging about, and flung on any old stuff," I said, and he hit me.

"Don't interfere with the driver," I said, and grinned at him.

He looked at me in a strange way.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you sure you used to be my mate Joe?"

"I think so, but it is all very hazy," I said, putting on an old woman voice.

He smiled.

"Its just, well, its just you look too much like a girl."

"Duh. That's the whole point," I said.

"I know, but, I mean, I'd at least expect you to look a bit like you used to."

"You mean I don't?"

"Duh. Who's the thicko now? Aren't you listening? Josie, you are a seriously sexy looking babe. There is nothing about you that suggests Joe bloody Fortune."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing. Nada. De Rein. Not the looks, the walk, the voice, the mannerisms, absolutely nothing!"

I was quiet as I negotiated the car park at the Feathers.

I sat a while after turning the engine off.

"What's up?" he asked.

"I, I don't know if I can do this," I admitted.

"Course you can."

"I've never been to a pub, like this, I mean. Not without Paul."

"You've got me, so come on."

I got out the car, and watched the police car slide into the car park behind us. I waved, and one got out. It was Ed. He came over to us.

"Let me go in first. I'll find a quiet spot, and then you come in," he said.

"This is heavy," said Stewart, grinning. So I hit him. "That's not fair, you know I can't hit women."

"Chicken," I said, and he stuck his tongue out. I laughed and relaxed.

He was about to hold the door open for me, but I shoved him through first. What is it about blokes? They let the nervous and often seriously insecure girls walk into strange places first, and call it good manners. Bollocks.

The pub was crowded, and there were a lot of our year group in.

"Hey, Josie! Over here," shouted Craig.

Shit. He had a huge grin on his face.

We walked through the crowd, and Caroline and Debbie were there. They squeezed along on a bench for me and I sat down.

Debbie looked at my skirt, and as I took my jacket off, and shook her head.

"What?" I asked.

"You. You look amazing," she said.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't," I said.

"Why?"

"Because I feel everyone is looking at me."

"They are."

"Oh shit. Really?"

"Yeah. The ones who know are looking thinking, 'No way, this is a con.' The ones who don't know are thinking, 'OOOh I want into those panties."

"Debbie!"

"She's right. You are far to sexy to be a bloke," said Caroline.

"What do you want, Barbie doll?" Stewart asked.

"Just a diet Coke. I'm driving," I said.

"So, feeling better after the great revelation today?" Caroline asked.

"A little. It is all a bit weird."

"A bit. You have started so much speculation."

"What about?" I asked.

She looked at my breasts.

"Them for starters. How much are real?"

"50%."

"They look good."

I smiled.

"It is amazing the stuff you can buy these days," I said.

"So, come on, what do you have down below?" Debbie asked, and I went red.

"Debbs! You can't ask that," Caroline said.

"Why not? I'm interested."

I made a decision.

"You two, come with me," I said, and went off to the ladies.

They followed, and when we had the place to ourselves, I showed them.

"Fuck, you are a girl!" said Debbie, as I pulled up my tights and knickers, and smoothed down the skirt.

"Almost, I just have to have some plumbing work done in a few months."

"Plumbing?"

"Well, I don't intent to have anal all my life."

"Anal?" asked Caroline, naïvely.

"Anal sex," said the more-worldly Debbie.

"You have anal sex?" Caroline said, her voice verging on the hysterical.

"Unless you can offer an alternative?" I said.

"I mean who with?" she asked.

"Duh, my boyfriend," I said, and I went for a pee.

"Stewart?" Debbie asked, horrified.

"No not Stewart. Give me some bloody taste. Paul."

"Who's Paul?"

"My boyfriend."

"Where is he?"

"Working, in Bournemouth. He is a journalist."

"Bloody hell, how long have you two been, um, er, an item, so to speak?" Debbie asked.

"Since March," I said, and finished my pee, and wiped carefully.

"So, what is it like?" Caroline asked.

"What a boyfriend?"

"No, anal sex," she said just as a strange woman came in, and gave her the weirdest look.

Debbie and I convulsed into giggles and Caroline went bright red and ran out.

We followed still giggling.

My place had been taken, and Craig offered me his knee to sit on. I shrugged and sat on him.

"Are you really the same person as Joe?" he whispered.

"No. I'm a clone and don't want anyone to know," I whispered back, and he looked confused.

"Yes, I am Jo," I said, and he shook his head.

Stewart had fought his way to the bar and back and handed me a coke.

I offered my knee and he sat on me, and Craig groaned with the weight of both of us. There was a live band at one end of the pub, and at ten they started to play. They were pretty crappy, but better than a juke box.

Stewart leaned over and asked me to dance.

"I'm crap at dancing," I said.

"So am I, come on." Much to Craig's relief, he dragged me onto the tiny dance floor.

Now, Joe Fortune had never danced. Apart from never having anyone to dance with, I had always been too self-conscious. However, after Risoul, and being allowed to be 'Jessica' for five weeks, I was an old hand at wiggling my bits pretending I was dancing.

Once on the dance floor, Stewart was replaced by a grinning Craig, who disappeared to be replaced by Rob, and then Sam, and he was followed by Ricky.

I eventually had to sit down as the slow ones started and I was not playing that game, yet.

I went outside for a breath of fresh air, and my mobile rang. It was Paul.

"Hi Paul," I said.

"Josie, I miss you."

"No, you don't, you've probably got a call girl snuggled up with you."

He chuckled, a deep rich sound.

"I'd be so lucky. So, what are you doing, how was your first day back?"

"Horrendous. I was paraded like a freak in front of everyone."

"No?"

"Not really. The principal and I just sort of cleared up any misunderstandings and I was perfectly open about who and what I am."

"And?"

"Everyone was cool. I am at the Feathers with some of them, just relaxing. I miss you though," I admitted.

"I'll be back on Friday, do you fancy coming to stay with me this weekend?"

"Count on it."

"What are you wearing?"

"My leather miniskirt and the white blouse with the sexy collar."

"And the boots?"

"And the boots."

"OOOh."

"You men, that's all you think of," I teased.

"I miss you girl."

"Mmm, I miss you too."

"I love you Josie, did you know that?"

"Yes, you told me, several times."

"Oh, then in case you forget. I love you."

"I love you Paul, come back soon."

"I will, now be good."

"You too."

He rang off, and I felt sad. I did love him, and yet I wasn't certain if we had a future or not. The age difference mattered a little, but while we needed each other, I was happy.

Debbie came out looking for me.

"Hey, are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. I just got too hot. Besides, Paul called."

We sat on a bench.

"I mean, are you really okay? It is very heavy, all this shit," she asked.

"Yeah, actually I'm better now it is all out in the open."

"So, what is all this business with the police?"

"It is just something I got involved in by mistake. Someone came to the shop and had some work done, and that work is now possible evidence in an old murder."

"Cool. So why are you being protected?"

"The suspect is now an important man."

"No?"

"Yeah."

"Bloody hell."

Caroline came out at that moment.

"Hi, what are you guys talking about?" she asked.

"Anal sex," said Debbie, and I got the giggles again.

"Really?" Caroline asked, and we were both off.

She sat next to me.

"Take the piss, why don't you," she said miserably.

"Oh Caroline, what's the matter?" Debbie asked, and Caroline was clearly a little upset.

"I can't help being a vicar's daughter. I really don't know anything, and everyone expects me to know everything."

"So, what do you want to know?" I asked.

"Where do I start. I went to a girls' convent, and I was never in the 'in-crowd'. I just went along and I always wanted to find things out, but no one told me anything."

"What about your parents?"

"My parents? Joke. My mum is so uptight, I'm amazed they ever had me."

"Has she told you anything?" Debbie asked.

"She didn't even tell me about periods. I found that out the hard way at school."

"Shit. I'm sorry, Caroline, I never knew."

"The story of our lives," I muttered.

"Have you had a boyfriend?" Debbie asked.

"A couple of boys seem to be interested, but I think they are as shy as me. I don't seem to have the looks like Josie," she said, and I was surprised.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you do have the edge on looks," Debbie said, almost bitterly.

"Oh come on. You guys are much prettier than me. I'm not even a real girl, yet."

"Then why have half the guys got stiffies over you?"

"Debbie. Don't be disgusting," Caroline said, prudishly.

"Its true, Craig was just telling Ricky that he would take you regardless of what you had down below. And Tim Ryan said that there was no way you could ever really have been a bloke."

"That is so gross," said Caroline.

"Really?" I asked, interested now.

We had a laugh.

"So, Caroline, have you anyone special at the moment?" I asked, just to change the subject from me.

"Not really. There is a guy in my German class who is nice, but he is even more shy that I am."

"What's his name?" I asked.

"Bruce. He is one of the quiet blokes. I prefer them to the loud lot in there."

"You know we always thought you were far more forward than you seem to be. Didn't we Josie?" asked Debbie.

"You have this superior look. It is dead sexy," I said, and she grinned.

"It's only because I'm bloody terrified all the time," she admitted.

"I think we all are," I said, and Debbie grunted agreement.

"Well, don't fuck on a first date," said Debbie, and I snorted.

"Oh, look who did," she said, and grinned lewdly at me.

I went red.

"You didn't?" asked Caroline, shocked.

"How come we are back on me again?" I said, a little defensively.

"Don't change the subject. What was it like?"

"Debbie, nice girls don't have this sort of conversations. Besides I didn't fuck on my first date. It was later on," I said.

"We aren't nice girls. What was it like?"

"I take it you have never had it that way?"

"You want the truth?"

"Why not?"

"I've never had it either way. I've given a few blowjobs, but I am terrified of getting pregnant. My sister had to dropout of university because she got pregnant. So I am determined it isn't going to happen to me."

"There are pills and things these days," I said.

"Yeah, she was on the pill."

We were silent, and it came as a bit of a shock to be the only one who had actually had sex with a man.

"Anal is pretty cool," I said, in the end. "The trick is to have loads of lubrication, to be empty and to relax. I never had any desire to do it, but I met Paul, and he treated me as a girl, and one thing led to another."

"What was his reaction to discover you were, I mean, did he, I mean, did he know you were not sort of all there?" asked Debbie.

"No, I was up front, and he knew. We never set out to do it, I was happy just having a kiss and a cuddle. Then I felt I wanted him inside me. I was really odd, as it made me feel so much more, I don't know, like a girl, I suppose. He was so gentle and slow. It hurt a little at first, but I learned to relax and then I learned to love it, and once we found the best position, you know, face to face, it was out of this world."

"Face to face, I didn't know you could do that?" Debbie asked.

"Yeah, you just have to get your hips further forwards. I like wrapping mine round him," I said. The thought was making me feel a little randy.

"Is he big?" Debbie asked, with a look of semi-horror on her face.

"Not particularly. Average I suppose. But it was just so nice to please him."

"You won't get pregnant that way," Caroline said to Debbie.

"Hmm," she said, unconvinced.

"Put it this way. In a few months, I will have the right equipment, and I will not use the tradesman's entrance again," I said, and they hooted with laughter.

"Is Paul, you know, gay?"

I thought for a moment.

"Paul is a man who is in love with a girl. He is aware of what I am, and treats me as a girl at all times. He has never seen me as anything other than this, and never will. He has never had a relationship with anyone other than women before, and I am the first non-genetically born female he ever took to bed," I said perfectly truthfully.

"How old is he?"

"26."

"Dirty old man." said Debbie. "So where do you meet?"

"I used to perform in a TG club. I had an act, I took off Kylie Minogue and one or two other female artists. We got loads of different people in, and one evening he was there."

"What made him go to a gay club?" Caroline asked.

"It's not a gay club. It is a TG club. We got gays, straights and all stations in between. He had heard about it and as a travel writer thought it would make a different article."

"Woah. Talk about different. So you met and what then?"

"We danced and he was kind and gentle. He has had a real screwed up life, and we both seemed to find and meet each others needs that night. I ended up going to his place, and we went to bed. I never intended to do anything, but one thing led to another, and before I really knew what was happening we were cuddling." I said. "We did not have sex for a while, it just seemed a natural progression."

"And?" asked Debbie.

"I liked it," I admitted.

"You said it hurt?"

"At first, but then I just relaxed. He was so terrified of hurting me, you see, he'd never done it before either."

"I think that is so beautiful," said Caroline.

We laughed.

"Seriously, I am pleased for you. I wish I could get a steady bloke who cares for me as much as Paul seems to care for you," Debbie said.

I shrugged, as there wasn't much I could say.

"Debs, when you gave a blow job. How, I mean, what, how do you know what to do?" Caroline asked.

Debbie chuckled. "The first time, I thought I was going to die. He stuffed the damn thing so far down my throat, I thought I'd suffocate or vomit. In the end I nearly choked. So, just make sure you keep a tight hold of the damn thing, because when they get close, they start wanting to ram in as far in as possible."

"Eargh. Gross!" Caroline said, and Debbie and I got the giggles again.

"What about the bit when he, you know?"

"Comes?" Debbie asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, you should always get him to use a condom, what with disease. That's why you get flavoured ones. Rubber tastes foul, particularly with the spermicidal stuff the smear all over them these days."

"But if you don't. If he doesn't, I mean."

"Then you get him to warn you, and take your choice. Get a tissue, or swallow."

"Urgh." said Caroline.

"Its okay actually. Isn't it Josie?"

"I don't know. It is an experience I have yet to enjoy," I admitted.

"Really? Haven't you done that for Paul?"

"Not yet. Next time maybe."

"This is so gross," said Caroline, standing up.

"You asked us," Debbie and I said in unison.

We went back in and danced some more. Craig was getting drunk, and Tim Ryan was looking at me with a strange expression on his face, so I extricated Stewart and drove him home.

"G'night Barbie," he said.

"Goodnight Tosspot," I said, and he disappeared into his house. I drove home, and went to bed. I missed Paul something rotten.

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