It was weird handing in all my uniform, and I almost had second thoughts. Eddie told me to go for it. I kissed his cheek, and boarded the plane for home.

Home.

That was weird as well.

Mom and Dad had gone to Florida and I had yet to visit them there. Marianne had an apartment in San Francisco, and I hadn't seen that either. I had lost touch with my brothers, and had their old addresses somewhere. So, where the hell was home?

I landed at Portland in a blizzard, and caught the bus for Freetown. It was the last stop before Roseburg. A series of guys tried to pick me up during the journey, and each was rebuffed. We had an hour stop off at Eugene, and I took my life in my hands and called Peejay's number.

A girl answered the phone.

"Could I speak to Peejay please?"

"He's not in right now, can I take a message?"

I felt awful, again.

"Just tell him Sherri phoned. Tell him I won't bother him again," I said, and hung up.

I was almost in tears when I re-boarded the bus. It was such a mistake, I just had to try to forget him. I arrived in Freetown to find my uncle Lou waiting for me. It wasn't snowing here, but it was cold and snow was everywhere. The sun was out and I got a real feeling of a fresh start. I felt better now.

I hadn't seen him for years. He had never seen me as Sherri, as I had been Sheridan on the last occasion we had met. I was wearing jeans and a black pullover, and I wore a black leather coat, which I had bought in Germany. My long hair was down, and I took the opportunity of not being in uniform to wear makeup and nail varnish. I wore my favourite cowboy boots, and was aware how good I looked, and I was hoping he wouldn't recognize me. I had a large black Russian style fur hat, and it made me feel like a Cossack. The Air force kitbag was the giveaway though.

Three people got off before me, and I saw Uncle Lou stare closely at each. He was as big as Dad, but with less hair. He had shaven his head, probably as he was going bald anyway. He looked good, as he was in his forties and had kept in shape. His khaki uniform was immaculate, and he was sitting on the hood of his cruiser. He was wearing a fur hat with the badge on the front, and a heavy short coat. I couldn't see his eyes, because he wore shades.

I got off the bus. I walked over to him, and stopped.

"Hi Uncle Lou. Remember me?" I said.

He took his shades off.

"Sherri? Goddamn it girl, you look hot."

I grinned.

"That is no way to greet your niece," I said, pretending to be hurt.

He laughed heartily and shook his head.

"Maybe not, but I can honestly say, you are nothing like I expected."

"Is that good or bad?"

"You are kidding, right?"

"Hell, I don't know. The last time we met I was someone completely different. I have been through quite a lot, and I like to know how people react to me. So help me a bit here."

He took my kitbag, and gave me a huge hug. It was like hugging a bear.

"Sherri, you look wonderful, you look very like your Mom when she was your age. And I am real proud for you to come and work with me."

He put my stuff into the police car, and I got in the front. He drove me to his home, which was just on the outskirts of town. It was a nice house, with a huge yard with a pool and a vast deck. They had three kids, two girls and a boy, Lucy 15, Robyn 13 and Carl 11, and I met them all and Aunt Theresa, his wife.

"Hi Sherri, my you look great. Come in and , please, call me Terri." she said,

giving me a hug too. The girls were curious to meet me, Terri told me that they had explained that I had always been a girl, but had had minor plumbing difficulties. So it meant that for a while I looked boyish.

Boyish. - that didn't explain half of it.

We had lunch and then Lou took me into the Police Station. He introduced me to the Chief, Ronald B. Freeman, and I was officially sworn in by the town mayor, who also owned and ran the general store. I was issued with a uniform, body armor, a weapon, and all the necessary kit. I was given my shield, and it looked great. I went and changed, and looked at my reflection.

"I made it, Dad," I said. "I'm a real cop at last."

I went up to the main office, and was shown around. Bobbi was a young girl in a wheelchair. She had wanted to be a cop, but had almost lost both legs in a car wreck. She was likely to be in it for a good two years, until the series of operations were concluded. Then and only then would she know whether she would be able to walk again. Lou had gotten her a job as one of the uniformed dispatchers with the PD, and she was one of the best.

Marc was another sergeant, and recently come down from Seattle, where he had been a sergeant on the city PD. His wife wanted a more rural existence, so they had come to Freetown. Several of the guys came in, and I could tell by the way they looked at me, that Lou had never mentioned that I had once been a guy.

There were two other female officers, Gail and Kath. Both were really nice, and Kath was married with two kids. Her husband was a computer whiz, and worked from home. There were about fifty sworn officers, and six who were jailers or dispatchers. I felt at home, and Lou immediately took me for a ride to show me around the area.

It was a big township, and we covered several hundred square miles. Most of it was farmland and wilderness, but we were on a tourist route, and there were a few villages within our jurisdiction, so it was busy at different seasons for different reasons.

"Cut your teeth here, and hell, go for a city job for a while later. They pay better, but the risks are the same. We have a good sheriff's department with whom we work well, and all the other PDs in the towns hereabouts are fine. The State troopers think themselves a bit superior, but they are a good bunch."

Lou took me into most of the stores and services in town and introduced me. Everyone was very friendly that I was immediately aware that Lou was well thought of, and as his niece, I was instantly accepted as almost part of the greater family.

For someone who had never belonged anywhere, it was a wonderful feeling. I shared this with Lou.

"Yeah, it has its disadvantages though, sweetheart. They will use their 'friendship' against you if you ever catch them speeding, or find them in an embarrassing situation. I have found the trick is never to take anything for nothing. If anyone refuses to take money for it, then at least you offered. But you then have the choice to turn it down. It can be embarrassing, and may even cause offence, but then that is what this job is all about. Knowing what the right thing to do is.

The other trick, is never to show favors. Be strictly fair with everyone, and they will expect nothing different. If you let one off, they will all expect to be let off. But we have the advantage of being able to know about everyone in town, so we don't need no fancy computers to tell us who has a limp or who uses a 1989 Dodge Pickup."

Before I knew it, we were off duty, and we returned to his home. We sat and had a late supper after the kids had gone to bed. They had waited up to see me in uniform, and they all thought I looked real cool. Lou opened a beer and handed it to me, and I smiled and took it.

"It is often hard to get good cops in small towns, as the good ones usually want to go to the cities, and we end up with the locals who are related to the chief or the mayor. So having a cop who has experience of the outside world, and is an unknown quantity is a good thing," he said, and took a long pull on his beer.

"The fact she is a babe, is something else entirely," he added with a grin.

"Lou. That is not a pleasant thing to say about Sherri."

"That's okay, Terri, seeing as I spent most of my life as something else, I don't mind, I promise," I said.

We chatted a while about my past, and they were never aware of the truth. They were now, and Terri looked at me and shook her head.

"I'd never have though anyone could possibly mistake you for a boy," she said.

"I was eleven, and I have changed a whole lot," I said.

"Even so. Everything about you, it just doesn't seem possible."

I smiled.

"I guess it is all like a bad dream now, but I do remember being very unhappy. I am not any more, and two out of three ain't bad. And I have some time yet for number three."

"Two out of three what?" asked Lou.

I finished my beer, and Lou handed me another even though I hadn't asked for one. I smiled, at least the Air Force taught me how to drink beer.

"My Dad always told me to set goals. So I have, all my life, little ones. My big three ambitions were to become a girl, a cop and a mother. So, as I said, I only have one left, and as I am not yet twenty, I have a little time left for the last."

Terri showed me the spare room in the basement. It was really cozy, and all I needed.

"You can stay here for as long as you want. I guess you will be wanting your own place as soon as possible, all girls do," she said.

"I'm in no rush, but I just need to settle in first. If I get in the way, just say the word, and I'll get an apartment."

She laughed. "You won't find an apartment in this town. Everyone has a house, the homes are cheap, and land is even cheaper. You can rent or buy, mortgages are easy to get, and on a cop's salary and security, you will have no problems."

I hadn't even considered buying a house. Terri saw my _expression and laughed.

"It is another advantage over the city cops, here you get a house and a car."

A car.

Yet another thing I hadn't thought about.

"I guess I have to spend some money, huh?"

She laughed.

"Yeah, get Lou to take you to my cousin Hank's place. He sells cars, and he will never sell a dud to a relative. You are okay for cash, aren't you?"

"Sure. I haven't spent much at all, England was a nice place, but I never did very much. I have most of my pay saved up, so I am in pretty good shape."

"That's okay. Well I'll say good night, it really is nice having you here, it is so seldom we get any relatives to stay. I know Lou would love your dad to come, but they haven't seen each other in years."

"Yeah it has been a shame, it would be so cool if I could get him and Mom up here."

"Well, lets make that a little goal."

"Done," I said and we kissed goodnight.

I got up early the next day and joined Lou for the early shift. For the first week I rode with one of the others each day, and began to get to know them and the way they worked. It wasn't that different to the SPs, just more people orientated.

In the Air Force everyone we dealt with who was in the services was under a discipline code, and even the drunk and potentially violent ones knew that the service would come down hard on them if they didn't cooperate. But civilians were under no such discipline code, and I found that out the hard way.

The following week, I was on the late shift, and took a call to a house near the rail station. It was a scruffy place with three hulks of cars in the front yard. Screams came from the house, and I approached the door and knocked. Nothing happened, so I shouted out.

"Police Officer, open this door please."

"Fuck off, pig bitch!" came a male voice, and then a sound of a slap and a female scream ripped through the cold evening air. Probable cause being such as it is, I kicked the flimsy back door in, and gained entry. I found a large, fat, smelly drunken male repeatedly hitting a small woman who was bleeding from the mouth.

He was a good 290 pounds, and six four. I guess in his prime he would have been a real handful, but he was about forty five, and a real overweight slob.

"Step back sir, you are under arrest for assault."

He said nothing, he turned towards me, lifted a bottle and broke it on the table. I knew that nothing I could say would have any effect, so I drew my pepper spray.

"Drop it or I will spray," I shouted.

He took one step towards me and I gave him two seconds in the mouth and eyes. I moved fast, as he swiped at where I had been standing with the broken bottle. I put the spray in my pocket, and drew my baton, and took his left knee out with a double handed strike, and followed through with a chop on his wrist, causing him to scream and drop the bottle.

Still he was standing, wailing, and rubbing his streaming eyes. I went behind him, and knee chopped him, and he went down hard to the side. He was so fat and strong that I couldn't get his hands to meet to cuff him. So I leaned real close to his ear.

"Fight me and I'll blow your balls off, big boy!"

His red rimmed and streaming eyes seemed to register something.

"I mean it, I have my gun out and in two seconds you will be a eunuch giving head in the State pen."

He relaxed and pretended to pass out for long enough for me to get the cuffs on him.

I called it in, and asked for a paramedic unit for the woman, who was equally as drunk, and battered to hell. She was sitting screaming, and I could get no sense out of her. Lou arrived and found me sitting keeping the guy still with a baton lock on his cuffed arms.

The paramedics took the woman away, and eventually it took four of us to get the man out of the house into the police van. He was so big that we couldn't get him into the back of my cruiser. We got back to the station, and he was taken and put in the drunk tank to dry out.

Lou gave me a coffee, and was smiling. I looked round the office and saw that everyone was smiling at me.

"Okay Lou, what is the joke?" I asked.

"That's Wally Gates. Every Friday he beats his old lady, and every Friday he ends up in here. Last time it took three of them to take him down. You did it by yourself, so these guys are never going to live it down. You did good, kid. But as my niece,  I would expect you to."

I grinned, and realized that I had passed some form of initiation test.

We all went to the Elk's Head for a drink after work, and I noticed a subtle change in the other officers' attitude towards me. They had been friendly before, but now they were more relaxed, and it felt good.

The next morning I was off duty and Lou took me to Hank's Auto's. I had never owned my own car, and so I had no idea what I wanted. I rather fancied a flashy sports car, and in the end I drove away in a flame red Toyota pickup. I was in Oregon, not California, and many times since that day have I been grateful for Lou's good advice.

Over the next couple of months I settled in and kept Lou's advice. I was scrupulously fair, and in that time I had given a ticket to most of the town's young males. I had about fifteen eligible bachelors lining up to take me out, and I still wasn't really ready for that.

The small basement room was beginning to get to me, so I went looking for a small house of my own. I went to the real estate agent, and he had several on his books. I found one just down the road from Lou's home. It was a three bedroom house, in need of some work. I had a look round. The previous occupier had gone bust, and the bank had foreclosed on his loan. The family had gone back east, and the work needed was no more than overdue maintenance. It had a fully equipped kitchen, a garage and a pool. However, I had no furniture at all, and the pool had a huge crack in it. It was remarkably cheap, and I put down a hefty deposit, and with a small manageable mortgage, I found myself as a property owner. I moved my meager belongings in, and bought some essential furniture. Like a bed, one table and a couple of chairs. I scrounged odd bits of furniture from the guys at work. Everyone had stuff in their garages in case.

"In case of what?" I asked,

"In case we extend the house."

"In case we get a bigger place."

"In case we have kids."

"In case the kids leave home."

"In case my mother comes."

"In case my mother dies."

By April 1996, I was happy spending my free time painting and decorating my new home. I still had most Sunday lunches with my uncle and the family, and I would talk to my parents every week.

Every time I saw Wally Gates, he would bow his head and grin sheepishly at me, and after that night when a single officer threatened to shoot his balls off, he hadn't been arrested since. The judge made him and his wife go into rehab for their drink problems, and gave them two months apart as a trial separation. They were back together, and while they were off the booze, everything was fine, but we all knew it was just a matter of time.

I filed the report on the Mazda, (if you've forgotten the Mazda, then go back to the Prologue) and went out to my pickup. It was six in the evening, and dusk was approaching. I never bothered to change, as everyone knew I was a cop, so I stayed in uniform with my gun and everything until I got home. Besides, if I ever got a call out, I had everything to hand and didn't need to go to the station if I didn't need to. I even had a radio in my pickup, and a magnetic emergency light for the roof.

I drove home, and parked up. I was quite tired, but satisfied. The house was looking good, and spring was really here now, with the leaves all coming out, and the spring flowers in bloom. There was still a chill in the air, but it was fresh and clean.

I got out of the car, and went and opened my door. The door passed over a letter on the mat, and I bent and picked it up. It simply had, Sherri, written thereon. Frowning I opened it. There was a single piece of paper inside, and I recognized the writing immediately. It was from Peejay. My heart lurched, and I almost tore it up, but something made me read it.

The next thing I knew, I was in the pickup, heading into town again. I was crying in shame and anger. I was angry with myself for not giving him a chance to explain, I was angry with him for not trying harder to explain, and I was ashamed that I had been such a bitch.

As I got closer, I started to wonder how much of what he said was true, and how much was a lie.

I then remembered that Peejay had never lied, and cried some more. I left the truck outside, and walked into the bar. I was still in uniform, and still had my utility belt with gun, baton and everything else on it. I looked round the bar, and some of the guys looked real worried. It dawned on me how I must look. So I went to speak to Andy behind the bar.

"Hi Officer Brewster, how can I help?"

"Andy, cut the crap."

He grinned.

"What's up, Sherri?"

"You have a guy upstairs from outta town, tall good looking, Name of Connors?"

"Yeah. Is he in some kinda trouble?"

"No, I just need to talk to him."

"He was in here earlier, had a beer and something to eat, and then went to his room."

"What room number?"

"Six, why?"

"Have you a spare key?"

"Hey, Sherri, you should know better, you know I can't give you a key."

"Andy, I can't tell you about the man in number six. But if you don't give me the Goddamn key, I will check the ages of those girls drinking alcohol in booth three," I said without turning round to look at the girls.

He did though, and paled visibly.

"If anyone asks, you found it on the floor."

"Of course. Thanks."

"You are more than welcome. Oh, and no guns, please."

"Okay, I'll try, but I can't promise anything."

I went out to the hotel door, and up the stairs. I stopped outside the door of room 6.

I had the key in my hand.

I knocked.

The door opened and Peejay answered it.

We stood and stared at each other for a long time. He was taller and broader, and even better looking. His hair was a little longer, and just curled over his collar and the tops of his ears. He looked disheveled, as if he had slept in his clothes for a week. He was looking tired, and my heart ached. I wondered if I had changed as much.

He opened the door and backed up. I went in.

"Thanks for coming," he said, and closed the door.

I smiled slightly.

"You look wonderful. I had almost forgotten how beautiful you are. Even if you have been crying, you look so much more, I don't know, wonderful, I suppose."

I couldn't trust myself to speak, tears were not very far away.

"The uniform suits you, you can arrest me anytime," he said with a grin.

"Peejay, I..."

He held up a finger against my mouth.

"Look. I have rehearsed this for months, so please let me have my say. I need to, okay?"

I nodded.

He took my hand, and I allowed him to lead me to the bed, and he sat down next to me.

"Sherri, Everything I said in the note was true. You always were, and always will be the only girl I love. Even if you are here to tell me it is not possible, I will still love you. It was my fault for being a complete ass on the phone that day in Baltimore, and for that I am sorry. I did try to explain, but you were gone before I could.

But I want to have another chance, I don't care what has happened, I just want you to know I cannot live without you, and you are my reason for living. I need to know. Do you still care about me?"

I sat there, and the floodgates opened. Tears just fell from my eyes, and wouldn't stop. All the hurt anger, anguish and shame came flooding out, and Peejay took me in his arms and held me very gently. That made me cry some more, and I noticed through the tears that he was crying as well. He tried to hold me closer, but was almost impaled on my baton. I laughed a little and he smiled.

His eyes scrunched up, and I realized that I loved him more than ever.

I took my belt off, and it fell onto the floor with an almighty thump.

"That's better, otherwise one of us would come to some harm," he said.

"I'm sorry," I managed to snuffle.

"So am I."

"I have always loved you. There has never been anyone else, though many have tried," I said, and he smiled.

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I tried, twice."

"You could have read my letters."

"I didn't want to read that you had someone else."

"I have never had anyone else. As I once said, the only way to stop loving you is to die."

That brought the tears back, and I just clung to him, crying my eyes out.

Eventually, I managed to stop crying, and he handed me a wad of tissues. I blew my nose, and he smiled at me.

"Does this mean you are my girl again?"

"I never stopped. It was just that you no longer wanted me," I said, and he started to cry.

This made me laugh, a little, and soon we were both laughing.

"What fools we were?"

"Yeah," I agreed.

He took my head between his hands, and kissed my tears away. Then he kissed me properly on the lips, and we were locked in the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced. Fireworks went off in my soul, and those damn butterflies must have multiplied in my tummy.

We kissed for an eternity, and I never wanted it to end, but I started feeling other things. My whole being ached to be possessed by this man. I wanted him to take me, body and soul, and I would have surrendered everything to him, all he had to do was ask. He broke off first.

"I love you Sherri."

"So I should hope. I could have been at home painting my bathroom if it hadn't been for your note," I said, and he smiled that special smile at me.

"Still the same old Sherri?"

I shook my head.

"No. I am not. But for you, I will be whatever you want."

"Marry me?"

"If you want me?"

"I want you. I have always wanted you, and it was being without you that made me realise how much I wanted you."

"Then I will, but you have to finish law school first."

"You will?"

"Yes, Peter, I will marry you."

"Oh my God. I came here half expecting to find you with another man, and never wanting to see me again, and I had never even thought you'd say yes."

"Really?" I asked, sarcastically.

"Okay, I have always hoped and dreamed you would, but sometimes it was more a dream."

We sat and chatted for some time.

"How did you get here?" I asked.

"By bus from Portland. This place is miles from anywhere."

"I know. When do you have to be back?"

"I shouldn't be away, it's Thursday today, but I guess I really have to be back Monday."

I looked at my watch and saw in some surprise that it had gone 8 o'clock. We'd been here for nearly two hours.

"Look, I am at work early tomorrow. I have to go. Do you want to stay, I have a spare bed?" I asked.

"Are you sure, what would the neighbors say?"

"Please?"

"Okay. What about the room here?"

"Have you paid?"

"For one night, yes."

"Come on, get your stuff."

He only had a small bag, and he hadn't even opened it. I put my belt back on, and tidied the bed covers, and so the room looked unused. We left the room and went downstairs.

"Wait here," I said. I went into the bar, and put both sets of keys on the bar.

"Andy, I am taking him downtown. He hasn't used the bed, so you can re-let the room. Has he paid?"

"Yeah, thirty bucks."

I held my hand out, and he gave me the money.

"Thanks Andy, and there are no holes, and no bloodstains."

"Thanks, what did he do?"

"He proposed," I said, and walked out as he stared after me.

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