I awoke before her, and dressed. I was making breakfast when she appeared. She put a little make up on me, just to highlight my eyes, and a little neutral lip-gloss. It was against the rules to wear make up, but they allowed a little. As we were sixth formers, there was even more leeway.The upper sixth got to wear their own clothes, and the uniform was abandoned. She helped me shape my nails and put on a clear varnish. I loved their look, and I felt more feminine than usual today.We caught the bus to school, and the daily grind started once more.At lunchtime Jenny and I were in the cafeteria, and keeping ourselves to ourselves when her boyfriend Mike came over. Mike Hardy was the captain of the first XV, and was a big bloke with short dark hair. He was eighteen and looked older. There were two other boys with him, they were in his year, and I knew them by sight only.

"Hi Jen. Are you okay?" he said, and sat next to her.

"Hi Mike, I'm fine."

"I tried ringing you last night. Your Mum said you were staying with a girlfriend."

"Yeah, you know Sandi?" she said, looking at me.

I flicked my hair back, and smiled.

He looked at me for the first time, taking in the makeup.

"Oh, hi Sandi. You are the one who dresses as a boy. Half the school don't know you are a girl."

I just smiled.

"She likes making people guess," Jenny said.

"Forget it, Sandi. You are too attractive to fool people anymore," said one of the boys standing next to us.

I looked up, and he stared me right in the eyes, in a bold and unashamed way. I returned the stare, and he broke away first. I looked at him closely.He was slightly shorter than Mike, around the six-foot mark, but he was as broad. He had fair hair, and a lovely smile. I found myself admiring him in a very feminine manner. He caught my look and smiled at me, I flushed and had to smile and look away.

He sat next to me.

"I'm David Carter," he said, and offered me his hand.

I gave him mine, and he shook it gently, giving me a little squeeze.

"Hi David. Sandi Lake. Nice to meet you," I said, slightly breathless. What the heck was happening to me? We chatted for a while, and eventually we had to leave and go to our next class.

"Hey, Sandi, have you got a mobile?" David asked.

I heard myself give him my number, and Jenny grinned and led me away.

"Well. There is no doubt what you think about boys," she said.

"I can't believe I just did that," I said, horrified at my reactions.

"You almost drooled at him," she said, and giggled unmercifully at my obvious discomfort.

I was distracted for most of the afternoon, and I could not stop thinking about his smile.I was called into see the head at the end of the day. I knew that this was coming, and I was dreading it.

"Sit down, Sandi," he said.

I sat, and he closed the door.

He went behind his desk, and took out the latest letter from my doctor.He re-read it, and then looked at me.

I felt very uncomfortable.

"Sandi, I'm sorry, but this can't go on," he said, not unkindly.

I nodded.

"You have to clarify the situation and bring your father into the loop. There is so much speculation about you, that it is very unhealthy. It also could damage the school's standing in the community, and if the press were to be involved, I shudder to think what would happen."

I nodded.

"Are you excluding me?" I asked.

He smiled.

"No, what for? You are a good student, your grades at GCSE were exceptional, and I cannot complain about your behaviour or your attitude. You dress in a very ambiguous way, and do not make a spectacle of yourself. No, Sandi, I am not going to exclude you, but I will ask you to dress more as a girl."

I frowned.

"You see, you look more like a girl than a boy now, and there was even a sweepstake in the staff room last week as to your real gender. I had to step in and put an end to it, but as the only person who knows the truth, more people, staff and pupils, believe you are a girl than a boy, now."

"I can't. My dad will kill me."

He stared at me.

"Then we need to hold a meeting with your father, the doctors and myself. It is truth time, my girl," he said.

I looked up sharply as he said the last two words, and smiled in spite of my depression.

"I suppose so. He is in the States at the moment."

"Then as soon as he gets back. I will arrange the doctors, and we will have it here. So, shall we say Tuesday week, in the evening in my office?"

I nodded.

"I know this is a difficult time for you, but I believe things will be better in the open."

"May I know what the doctor said?"

He picked up the letter.

"She tells me that the last psychiatric assessment was conducted last week, and that Dr Manning believes that you are overdue to transition and begin living wholly as a female. She explains that ychologically you are female, and your physiological state is about as feminine as possible without actual surgery. She also tells me that your case has been discussed, and that several surgical procedures have been approved, pending continued psychological evaluations.In other words, your transition to being a girl has been approved."

I smiled, a little sadly.

"My Dad will still kill me," I said.

"Let's see about that," he said.

I left his office, slightly depressed on the one hand, and elated on the other. I knew that she was going to discuss my case with the powers that be, but was not aware that the green light had been given.

Jenny was waiting for me at the bus stop. She had let two buses go, I was pleased.

"Hi, are you okay?"

I told her about my meeting with the head, and she took my arm. We sat in the shelter, and it started to rain.

"What are you doing tonight?" I asked.

"I have to help out. There is a large function in the hotel, and I am helping with the waitressing. It gets me some extra pocket money."

"Cool," I said.

She looked at me.

"Hey, do you want to help too?"

"What, you mean as a girl?"

"Duh. You would not make a very convincing waiter."

I smiled.

"Okay, if you are sure your parents won't mind."

"Mind. They will be ecstatic. They can never get enough waitresses," she told me.

A car pulled up, a small blue Vauxhall Nova.

"Hey girls, can I give you a lift?" It was David, and Mike was in the passenger seat.

Jenny looked at me, and I shrugged. I seemed to shrug an awful lot these days.

"Come on," she said, and accepted his offer.

We clambered in the back seats, and he took off down the road, very fast.

"David. If you drive like a tosser, then let me out now," I heard myself say.

He slowed down, and half turned.

"Sorry," he said, and grinned sheepishly.

"Just remember, I'm not impressed by boy-racers," I said, and Jenny started to giggle, and even Mike laughed.

"Under the thumb already, and you only met her at lunchtime," he told David. I blushed furiously.

"So what are you two doing tonight?" Mike asked.

"Sandi and I are working at the hotel, waitressing."

"Cool, we will have to come and have a pint then," said David, and I saw him look at me in the mirror. I blushed again.

We chatted about a school and exams for a bit. The guys had their A levels after Easter, and were nearly finished with school. Mike wanted to be a doctor, and David was hoping to join the air force and be a pilot.

"You are too tall for a fighter pilot," I said.

"I fancy Helicopters."

"The Navy and Army have more than the RAF," I told him. He looked at me in his mirror again, as if to say, 'how do you know?'

"I read it somewhere," I explained.

We came to my house, and they dropped me off, and I told Jenny I would be up by six on my moped.

I dashed in, and checked the ansaphone. Nothing.

I changed into my proper clothes, and when I had finished, the girl looked back, and I felt right again. My breast forms were so realistic, that the nipples showed through my bra and tee shirt. I wore jeans as I was going to ride my moped. I put my high heels into the box, with a white blouse and short dark skirt. I had on some tights under my jeans. I put on my make up, and found my hands trembling with excitement. I didn't know whether it was the fact I was going to be on view to everyone as a girl, or that David might see me.

It took me five minutes to reach the hotel. It was set on a headland, with a small private beach below.

I parked the bike and went to the back door. The kitchen was in turmoil. A large lady dressed all in white looked at me.

"Hello, can I help?"

"I'm Jenny's friend, Sandi. I've come to help as a waitress."

"Hi Sandi. I'm Liz, the chef. I also happen to be Jenny's mother. Have you got the right clothes?"

I held up my skirt and blouse.

"Super. Look, see that phone on the wall? Be a sweetie, dial 102 that is our apartment. Jenny will come and collect you. You can change in the flat." With that she turned back to whatever she was doing.

I called up, and within moments Jenny had collected me, and we were in their small flat on the first floor at the back of the hotel.

She was already changed, and as I changed, she shook her head.

"I still can't believe you are a boy," she said.

"I don't think I am any more."

I redid my makeup, and she passed me a bottle of red nail varnish. Twenty minutes later we presented ourselves to her father in the dining room.

Her father, John Armstrong, was a big man, which was just as well when I recalled her mother.

"Hi, you must be Sandi?" he said, and shook my hand.

"Hello Mr Armstrong."

"You both look great. Just make sure you avoid the gropers." he said.

I frowned.

"It is a rugby club dinner, and the guys get a bit fresh after a few beers," Jenny explained.

"Okay, Jenny just run through the drill with her, and she can work with you on the top table, okay?" he said.

Jenny showed me what to do, and explained how they managed to feed everyone as quickly as possible. She showed me how to serve vegetables, and from which side to approach. She showed me how to clear and carry dirty dishes, and where to take them.

No sooner than that was done, the first of the diners started to arrive. There were about one hundred of them, fortunately with their wives and partners. The top table had twenty places, and there were four other long tables, each with about twenty people on them. Each table had two waiters or waitresses, and it was not long before the starters were brought out.

It was a hectic time, and most of the men tried to chat me up as I worked. I smiled and flirted gently and explained that this was my first time. This got the usual response, 'well I'll treat you gently then.' and I smiled as if it was all new to me. The drinks flowed, and several of the men were well oiled by the coffee stage. One man tried to slip his hand up my short skirt, and I threatened to pour scalding coffee over him, and he laughed and removed his hand from my leg.

My feet ached, I noticed that the other girls wore sensible shoes, and I now knew why. My feet looked very good in high heels, but they ached abominably. We cleared the tables, and they had some speeches, as the rugby season was now over. Various awards were handed out, and afterwards, we helped remove some tables, and the disco started. A couple of the guys asked me to join them for the disco, and Jenny shook her head at me from across the room.

"I'm sorry, but I still have work to do, and my boyfriend is due to come and pick me up," I lied.

By ten o'clock, I collapsed into a chair in the rest room, and took my shoes off. I massaged my aching feet. Jenny's Dad came in.

"Well done. You managed very well," he said, and gave me an envelope. "By the way, several of the men wanted you to have a special tip, but all tips go into a pool, so everyone gets fair shares. But the organiser wanted you and Jenny to have this for being so charming to all on the top table."

He gave me a £50 note. I was staggered.

"Thanks," I stammered. I had made over £100 in four hours.

Jenny came in.

"Hi, guess who is in the bar?" she said.

My heart gave a lurch.

"Dave?"

"And Mike."

I put my shoes back on.

I checked my make up, and followed her out, pulling my skirt down a little, as it rode up whenever I sat down.

They were sitting at the bar, each with a pint in front of them. Mike saw Jenny and nudged Dave. He turned and looked our way. He saw me, and his _expression will be imprinted on my mind for a very long time. His eyes widened, and his mouth opened, and I saw his gaze travel down my body, down my legs to my shoes and back up, resting for some time on my breasts. Then he smiled, and my heart fluttered.

"Hi," I said, and he gaped at me.

"Why the fuck do you dress like you do at school?"

"Because I don't want to keep fighting off randy boys who want to hit on me," I said, and he smiled, nodding slowly.

"I can see that, now. Shit. Sandi, you are stunning."

At that moment, he could have asked me to do anything for him, and I would have done it willingly. He had just made my year.

"Drink?"

"How about a long OJ?" I asked.

"Nothing alcoholic?"

"Jenny's Dad doesn't need to lose his licence by serving underage girls in his hotel," I pointed out.

"There is no way anyone will know you are under eighteen."

"I am sixteen, and her Dad knows it," I said. He shrugged and ordered me a drink. I perched on the stool next to him, and his gaze slid down to take in my long legs.

"Seen enough?" I teased, and he had the grace to go red.

"Sorry, but you have an amazing body."

You had better believe it. I thought. I smiled coyly.

"Did you have a busy evening?" he asked.

"Yeah, but we coped," I said, seeing that Jenny and Mike were engrossed in their own conversation.

"How come I have never noticed you before?"

"Probably because I try hard not to be noticed."

"Why?"

I shrugged.

"Dave, it is a long and rather sad story, and at the moment I am not prepared to talk about. One day I will, but things are a bit weird for me at the moment."

He looked at me, and then at my legs again.

"Hey, why don't we sit at the table over there?" he said, nodding to the table in the window.

"Okay."

We moved, and sat close together on a soft bench. I felt less precarious, and less on display.

"Sandi, can I ask you a personal question?"

"What?"

"Have you got a boyfriend?"

I shook my head.

He nodded.

"Why not?" he asked, up front. I laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Speak your mind, why don't you?"

"I'm sorry, but you are too attractive not to have a bloke."

"Dave, I told you, it is complicated. I can't tell you more at the moment, but, believe me, I am not really like other girls."

"You are far more beautiful than most."

I almost started to cry, and he could see I was upset. He took my hand, and held it firmly.

"What did I say?"

"Dave, just believe me, you don't want to get involved with me."

He stared at me for a while.

"You aren't gay are you?"

I laughed out loud.

"Oh, if it were that simple," I said, and he frowned.

"You've lost me," he admitted.

"Dave, lets go for a walk, and I'll try to explain," I said, still not sure whether I should.

We went outside, and the sea breeze was cold. I folded my arms, and shivered. He took me to his car and opened the passenger door for me. I got in, and he got in behind the wheel.

"I need to be honest, but you have to realise how hard this is for me. What I tell you now could destroy me, but it certainly will affect how you see me, and I fully expect to have my heart broken too," I said.

He frowned.

I tried to make some order to my chaotic thought process.

"Sandi. I think I know," he said, and I looked at him. His face was hardly visible in the dark.

"Go on," I said, hardly daring to breathe.

"Okay, here's how. One, you dress like a boy, and you use a deliberately ambiguous name, which could be either. You don't mix, and as far as I can find out, have few friends, and those who do know you don't know whether you are a girl or not. I have asked nearly everyone I can think of, and although some think you are a girl, most aren't sure. I even asked the PE coach, and she was evasive, and I find you are excused all physical activities. Very rare, so this evening, I did a little detective work, and still I have been unable to find anyone who knows you well enough. I started to think that you could be a bloke who was effeminate, but then you walked into the bar, and, shit, you completely shot that theory away. But, now I reckon, I know."

"Yes?"

"You are an hermaphrodite."

I started to laugh, and then had to stop, as he looked rather hurt.

"Oh Dave, lovely thought, but no. You were on the right track earlier. It doesn't matter how I tell you, I know that I will fuck us both up for ever."

He looked at me, still frowning.

"Dave, I was christened Alexander. But from the age of six, I knew I should have been a girl. For some years I have been taking female hormones, and am more a girl than a boy now. In a few weeks I will have the first of many surgical procedures that will mean I will be a girl for the rest of my life, but the reality is that legally I am a boy," I said, and sat back and waited for the fireworks.

To my amazement, they never came.

He stared at me, and got out of the car.

He sat on the bonnet of the car, staring across to the sea. I felt my heart racing in my chest. I still didn't know how he was going to react. After what seemed to be an age, he got back into the car. He was staring straight through the windscreen. My heart gave a lurch, he couldn't even look at me.

"How many others know?" he asked.

"Just the Head, Jenny, and perhaps a couple of teachers. Why?"

"Look, this is heavy, right?" he asked, turning and meeting my eyes.

"Just a bit."

"So your parents don't even know, right?"

"My Mum is dead, there is just my Dad and he will kill me."

"Are you going public with this?"

"Public? No way! I don't want anyone else to know, if I can achieve it."

"So, everyone thinks you are a girl?"

"I'm not sure. I suppose so. The head has sort of intimated that I am a girl to all the staff."

"So, you are a bit short of friends, right now?"

I laughed.

"Apart from Jenny, I don't have any."

He stared at me, and I couldn't fathom his _expression in the dim light. Was it revulsion, or confusion?

"Would you object if I was a friend?" he asked at last.

I looked at him.

"Dave, you don't..."

"Shh, don't tell me what I need and don't need. You need a friend, and I want to be there for you. I'll be honest, you have really shocked me. I thought I was pretty unshockable."

"I'm sorry."

I felt terrible, and I let my head drop. The tears started to well up in my eyes.

He reached over, and gently lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"Sandi, even knowing what I know now, I fancy you rotten, and I find I don't really care what you are legally. To me you are a stunningly beautiful girl, who is as lonely as fuck, and on whom life has severely pissed on. So, short of being shagging friends, can we at least be friends?"

I started to cry. Of all the reactions I expected, this was the most unexpected and disconcerting. In a way, outright disgust or anger was easier to handle emotionally. I was at least prepared for them. But this, I was a really confused puppy!

I felt his arm slide over my shoulders, and I leaned towards him. He held me close, his cheek against my temple.

"It's okay. Really, it's okay," he repeated, over and over again.

I don't know how long we were there for, but eventually he slowly disentangled himself. He looked at me, and I saw his eyes glint in the headlights of a passing car.

"Sandi, are you okay?"

I nodded. Unsure whether I could trust myself to speak.

He gently kissed my forehead, and I looked up in surprise. His next kiss was on my lips. I responded, and we kissed for several seconds.

"You even kiss like a girl," he said. I sensed him smiling.

"How many blokes have you kissed?" I teased.

"None, and I don't intend to, ever," he said, and it almost made me cry again.

"I thought you said, just friends?" I said.

"Do you mind?"

"Don't be silly," I said, and I saw his teeth gleam as he smiled.

"That is my first kiss, ever!" I admitted.

I felt his hand on my chin, and he lifted my face and kissed me again. This time I responded with as much passion as I could, and I was left completely breathless with desire.

He broke off.

"Do you like it?"

"Don't be silly," I repeated.

He laughed, and opened the door. The interior light came on, and he looked at me.

"Your mascara has run, so you may want to fix it."

Using the vanity mirror behind the sun flap, I licked a tissue and cleaned myself up. I got out of the car, and we walked slowly back to the bar. He placed an arm around my shoulders. I stopped and looked at him.

"Dave, I don't want you to get hurt by anything I do."

He smiled.

"I didn't mean to fall in love with you, so do you mind if I just stay for the ride, and see where it takes us?" he said.

I stared at him, speechless.

"What?" I asked, eventually, and incredulously.

"You heard."

"But you don't know me."

"I know more than I did. And I feel the same about you, girl, so just accept that I am now part of your life for as long as it takes. Don't get any ideas, though, this isn't a proposal!"

I wrapped my arm around his waist, and gave him a hug.

"But I'm not a proper g..."

He put one finger to my lips.

"Don't ever mention that again. Ever!" he said, rather harshly.

He then kissed me again, and I felt all warm and fuzzy. We returned to the bar, and Jenny was making strange faces at me. I had to laugh.

The guys left, and Dave openly kissed me in front of everyone. Jenny was agog to find out what had happened between us.

"I turned round and you two had gone. What happened?"

"We went to his car, and I told him the truth," I said.

"No? How did he take it?"

"He made me cry. He told me he loved me, and that he would stand by me through everything I have to go through. He told me that as far as he was concerned, I was a girl, and that was all there was to it."

She stared at me, and to my surprise, she had tears in her eyes. She gave me a big hug.

"Oh thank God. You have now got two friends to help you."

I hugged her back.

"That's two more than last week," I said, and we both laughed.

I went home, and slept well, dreaming of more than kissing my first boyfriend.

Life groaned on, the weekend passed, and Dave was involved with his family. Jenny was busy, and I met her on the bus to school on Monday morning. I was a little more effeminate this time, and she grinned at me conspiratorially.

The day passed, and each time I saw Dave, he smiled at me, and I went all gooey. We had lunch together, and I saw Caroline talking with some other girls and looking my way.

It was a relief to get on the bus to go home at the end of the day. Thus passed the week, each day, I would be a little more effeminate, yet never actually crossing the line I had made.

Dad returned on Wednesday, and almost immediately was off again, only for one day, but it allowed me another evening as a waitress at the hotel.

I was more relaxed now, and the evening sped past. I wore more sensible shoes this time, and was spared such sore feet. I returned home, and started to worry about the forthcoming meeting with the doctors and the head. My Dad was not going to be an easy nut to crack.

He returned on Sunday, and was very pensive. He took me out for Sunday lunch at a pub, and I caught him looking at me. I was dressed in an old tee shirt and jeans, with trainers on my feet.

"I got a letter from your headmaster," he said.

"Oh?" I said.

"I have to attend a meeting with him on Tuesday. Do you know why?"

"Yes," I said, my heart in my mouth.

He stared at me for some time.

"Alex, look, I know that I have not really been around for you. But, I am not blind."

I stared at him.

"Neither am I stupid."

I still stared.

"Do you know how much you look like your mother?"

I shook my head.

"Over the last few months, as most boys get bigger and hairier, you have become more and more effeminate. What with your long hair, earrings and everything, your whole body screams, girl, at me. Hell, several times I have had to pinch myself, it is as if your mother has come back to haunt me."

I looked down at my hands. I saw the shaped nails, and even some of the varnish was still in the cuticles.

"Alex, are you gay?" he asked, bluntly.

I shook my head.

He frowned.

"Dad, ever since I was six, I wanted to be a girl."

He stared at me.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"How could I? You used to ridicule and swear at anyone you considered a poof."

He nodded and looked hurt. I looked away.

"So, why the meeting?"

"Dad, I am seventeen soon, and I want to change sex," I said, with my heart in my mouth.

He stared at me, again. I saw the muscles in his face working, and was afraid.

"That bad, huh?"

I was surprised at his gentle tone, and nodded.

"Is there any chance you are wrong?"

I shook my head.

"I've been on hormones too long. I could never be a proper man now, in any case," I admitted.

He looked out of the window.

"Dad,..."

He held up a hand, and I saw tears in his eyes.

"It is my fault. I was not the father I should have been," he said, still unable to look at me.

"No Dad. I felt this way long before Mum left," I said.

He looked at me then.

"Really?"

I nodded.

We talked then, for the first time ever, really talked as father and child. I told him everything. It just poured out, and my words got jumbled in my haste to tell him everything. Or nearly everything, I kept quiet about David. It took quite a long time, and by the end he was almost in tears too. He then shared with me. He told me how much he had loved my mother, and how it was his line of work that caused her to leave. She had given him a choice, and he was too tied into something to change at that moment. So she left.

I was very quiet. I wanted to ask whether he had anything to do with her death, but didn't have the courage. It just wasn't the right time. Without a word, he paid the bill, and went out to the Jaguar. I followed, and he drove home in silence. He parked the car and opened the front door. He walked straight in, and poured himself a large whisky. He turned and faced me.

"So, what do you want me to call you?"

"My friends call me Sandi."

"Right, go and show me what you should look like."

I was surprised, to say the least.

"What?"

"You heard. If I am to have a daughter, then at least let's see her dressed properly."

Shaking, I turned and went to my room. I continued to shake for a long time, but managed to change. I wore a smart skirt and blouse, with a cardigan, stockings and smart high heel shoes. It took me a while to control my hands to apply my make up, and then I brushed my hair out. I put in some simple hooped earrings, and varnished my fingernails.

I went downstairs in some trepidation. I heard my heels on the marble floor in the hall, and went into the sitting room. My father was staring out the window at the sea.

I stood by the door.

He turned.

I lifted my chin, and stared back, as bravely as I could manage. He paled, and seemed to crumple slightly. He put his glass down, and held the back of the armchair.

"My God!" he said.

I almost lost it, and was about to flee to my room.

"Alex, no, Sandi. Stay, please!" he whispered.

I turned and faced him.

"Come here, please, love," he asked, his voice ever so gentle now.

I walked towards him, conscious that my movements were purely feminine.

He reached out a trembling hand, and lifted my chin, very gently. He looked me up and down.

"How could I have been so blind?"

I frowned.

"Forgive me?" he asked.

That was it. I burst into tears and hugged him round his middle. He held me gently round my shoulders, and we wept together.

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