As he stoked the fire in the hearth, Dave said, “It was a good day, all in all. I love Wales.”

“Yes, well…” Jen began to counter before being cut off by Dave.

“What say we have a few minutes of us time, eh?” As Dave said this, he picked up a bottle of wine, opening it, then pouring two glasses and carrying them to the sofa where he sat down beside Jen.

“I can see certain advantages to that idea,” Jen replied as she took one of the glasses from him. She took a sip, then found herself sat there staring into the glass for a few seconds.

“You seem to be getting stronger. Just a couple of weeks ago, you wouldn't have been able to go on this morning's training ride, let alone do the hike afterward.”

“I'm feeling much better, thanks. It's going to take some doing to catch up with Drew I'm afraid, but that could prove to be a good thing in my training for a return to the tour.”

Dave took a sip from his glass, then said, “You know, I missed you terribly while I was away.”

“I know, luv. The whole reason for taking this job was so we wouldn't be apart, and here we are still spending most of our time in different countries. The only good part is, we know it's just temporary. By the end of term, I'm hoping to be ready to move and start training with the girls.”

“You mean, if I can ever find us a house?”

“Oh, I don't think there's a question of if, only when.”

“Then you're far more optimistic on that front than I am.”

“You'll see, the perfect place will fall right into our lap.”

“Why are you so sure of this?”

“Because the alternative is living apart, and I don't like that.”

Dave took their glasses and set them on the coffee table, then turned back to face his wife, leaning close and kissing her. After a few minutes of kissing and cuddling, they broke and after a moment's silence, Dave asked, “Now, what were you wanting to talk about?” He then picked the glasses back up and returned Jen's to her as he sat back to begin the serious conversation.

Jen sat there, waiting for conscious thought to return, until finally she said, “What?”

“At least I know I haven't lost it all yet,” he said with a touch of a chuckle in his voice. Returning to the more serious matters of the day, he said, “I believe we needed to talk about Drew and his, um, development.”

At last returning to reality, Jen said, “Ah, yes. That was it.”

“Let me see if I have the gist of things on the Drew front.”

“All right.”

“He's wearing girls' knickers? And says it's because they're more comfortable. They fit his bum better, is that right?”

“That is what he told me. Knowing what I do about how boys clothes fit over his hips compared to the girl's, I'm not entirely surprised by that revelation, though I must admit to finding the idea that he's aware of that fact just a touch surprising. But then, when I saw the bra…”

“Yes, I know what you mean there. So, does he really have, um…”?

“Breasts? I'm afraid so. Small to be sure, but still obviously there. And with his hips and bum, is it any wonder the poor child has so little trouble appearing feminine?”

“So, what's the next step?”

“I suppose we return to Dr. Johnston and let her know the truth about what's going on.”

“But, hasn't she been examining him all along?”

“It seems that the last several visits amounted to taking blood for tests and nothing else.”

“And since Drew has been making such an effort to hide the truth about his condition…”

“This could come as a bit of a surprise for the doctor as well.”

After both Dave and Jen took a moment for silent reflection, Dave finally couldn't keep from asking, “So, he has real breasts? I know we've already covered that material, but it is still a bit difficult to process.”

“Believe me, I know exactly what you mean. However, that doesn't change the fact that we're talking about my baby, our child. And whatever happens, we have to make sure Drew knows that doesn't change.”

“Of course. There's no question on that point. So how exactly has he been hiding this from everyone?”

“Mostly a tight sports bra, and baggy jumpers it seems. I'm afraid it hasn't been all that difficult lately. We've been so busy, what with me working at the school and training, and you traveling so much with work. The kids have more or less taken over day-to-day operations around the house. Apparently Jules has been helping him some by acquiring bras and such. Not that Drew would have had trouble doing that himself, but I suspect he felt very self conscious about it.”

Dave commented, “I can see how that could be. Even though it wouldn't have been the first time, this would be different. He'd shopped for things for ‘Gaby', not for Drew.”

“That was my take on it as well. Unfortunately, if things keep going in the direction he appears headed, he may have to get over that embarrassment, buck up, and suffer through picking his own. Dear God that sounds strange, talking about my son buying his own bras.”

As this line of conversation died down, a comfortable silence overtook them as they sat there sipping wine and listening to the crackling of the fire.

_________________

There have been times when I thought maybe Jen was encouraging Drew's transformations. Do I dare give voice to those thoughts? I mean, obviously there was that day the journalist came by the house to do that piece on her for the Comic. I still can't believe she actually asked Drew to dress up as Gaby. I realize she said it was just a joke she wanted to play on the reporter, but seriously? Of course, it didn't take much persuading, did it?

What about the bike show, when the airline lost his case? Would it have been that big of a deal to buy the poor lad a pair of pants? Instead, he spends the entire weekend in skirts. All right, Brittany had a hand in that I suppose, what with having snuck ‘Gaby supplies' into her bag for the trip, but that didn't mean Jen had to go along, did it?

__________________

Dave was the first to break that silence, “Jen?”

“Yes luv?”

“This isn't because of something we've done, or not done, is it?”

“Surely not. These things just happen, that's all.”

________________

Is that how I really feel about all of this? I sometimes worry Dave thinks this is all my fault, as if I've done something to make all of it happen. Well, if I have, it hasn't been intentional I know that for certain.

Maybe I have been guilty of encouraging some of Gaby's appearances. In hindsight, Jules could have worn the Gaby costume for the presentation ceremony, and I certainly didn't need to play my little joke on the Comic. And I suppose I could have told Brittany no when Drew's luggage was lost. I could just as easily have taken the child out and bought him a pair of boy's pants, instead of taking the easier route and having him wear skirts to the bike show.

Added up like that, it almost seems like something that's been done on purpose. I swear, that's not the case. The truth is, I never gave it any thought before now. I suppose if I had, I would have felt guilty. I know I do now.

_________________

Dave knew that where he was heading with the line of reasoning he was currently pursuing made little sense, but he couldn't stop himself anyway. “I don't suppose there could be some subconscious connection between his constant ‘forced' cross-dressing and his hormonal issues? No, that makes no sense, even to me. Never mind.”

“I don't know, but I wouldn't discount the idea that there is a strong feminine part of the child that may sometimes influence his decisions in ways none of us understand. And you thought your idea sounded silly.”

“No, I think you might be onto something there. I'm no expert, obviously, but it would seem to me that if a male child is growing female breasts, then there is some sort of hormonal problem. Those same hormones do act upon a person's brain, true?”

“That's what they taught us in university, at least.”

“So maybe there really is some feminine aspect of Drew that is influencing him from time to time? Of course, if that were the case, I doubt it would manifest in him forgetting to bring along a change of clothing,” as he said this, Dave began to chuckle.

In a mock upset voice, Jenny said, “Dave Bond! How could you?” and unable to contain her mirth any longer, she began to laugh along with him.

Once he had his hysterics back under control, Dave said, “I don't know where that came from. It just popped out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying.”

“Yes, well you'd best hope I don't tell your daughter you said that.”

“True. I can just imagine living with Juliette in a bad mood,” he said sarcastically. Both of them once again suffered from a bout of chuckles, which required another momentary halt in the conversation.

Once they both had calmed down a bit, Dave asked, “I've been meaning to ask you for the longest time, but what with everything that's been going on…”

“What's that, luv?”

“Well, I had always thought of Gaby as essentially being a separate person from Drew, because in so many ways, they act differently. But since the kids came back from Virginia, I'm not seeing that separation anymore. And more than that, what I'm seeing most of the time are traits I had always associated with Gaby. Is that just my imagination hard at work, or have you noticed anything similar?”

“For me it's a little more difficult, because for months there I only saw the kids a few times, and when I did, I was seeing Gaby and not Drew. Like when all of you came to Germany.”

“Ah, yes. It certainly seemed like there was some sort of conspiracy afoot, didn't there?”

“That's how I saw it, at least. I know that Drew felt like I was letting him down just telling him to be Gaby for the visit instead of trying to dissuade the hotel manager of his belief that our youngest is a girl. There were so many factors involved though, that I really didn't want to get into at the time, like the fact that my German was still a bit weak, and I wasn't really capable of being terribly persuasive.”

“And if we're being honest, it's easy to understand the mistake. When you see our Drew, it's not difficult to think you're seeing a girl. Not just the body shape, but so much of his body language, his gestures…I've always been afraid I'd hurt his feelings if I pointed these things out to him, so I've kept mum, but…”

“I know what you mean, luv. It's not that the child is weak, or fragile. Actually, one of the girls said it best in Atlanta. She described Gaby as having ‘the heart of a lioness'. I think that accurate, even when talking about Drew instead of Gaby. He may be a boy, but he has the heart of a lioness.”

“If you ever relay the quote to him, you might want to change that to lion,” Dave suggested.

“I know what you mean, but I think it loses something that way. The lioness is a powerful hunter and protector, where the male lion is more of an opportunistic scavenger. That's not Drew.”

Dave mildly redirected the discussion, “In all those times you were expecting Drew and found Gaby there instead, did you ever wonder…”

“…If someone was trying to tell me something? Definitely, I entertained the thought.”

“Or if something inside of Drew was trying to tell him something. Each separate incident can be explained away with ‘my luggage was lost' or ‘the adhesive remover bottle broke', but in the end you still have to wonder if that's the only reason? Put them all together, and what do you have?”

“A disturbing pattern of behavior is one way of putting it.”

“True. A little harsh, but true.”

“What exactly are you thinking?”

“I wish I knew,” Dave replied. “For the longest time, I've been bouncing these ideas round my mind, trying to make sense of them. Unfortunately, all I've got out of it thus far is a massive headache, and more questions than answers.”

As silence once again settled over the elder Bonds, thoughts began to drift anew…

________________

Am I reading too much into things? At face value, I'd be inclined to accept what Drew says; that all of these ‘Gaby-sodes' are pure coincidence. But the moment I let my mind start to ruminate over the facts, I can't shake the idea that there's more to it. Maybe Jenny is right. Maybe I should just take things as they come. The problem is, I've never been very good at that.

I suppose, if I could think about all of this objectively, I might be inclined to see things differently. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be an option. You'd think that what with all my studies in archaeology and history, I'd be able to do just that, but it doesn't work with my family. I've tried but objective is not an option…

_______________

Dave and Jenny sat quietly lost in their own thoughts, the fading hearth fire providing the only light or sound. Eventually, Jenny emerged from her own sea of troubles and, looking deeply at the visage of her dear husband, reached out and took his hand.

“Luv, come with me,” she said breaking the silence as she stood up, pulling him along with her. She led him to Drew's bedroom door, where she quietly opened it, staring into the room at the sleeping form of her lovely young son. The two of them stood there watching the child sleep for an eternity before eventually closing the door, then repeating the same actions with Juliette.

When at last they closed Jules' bedroom door, they made their way to the master bedroom, quickly prepared for a nights slumber, and crawled into bed. It wasn't until they were settled in that Jen broke the silence that had enveloped them.

“It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether Drew looks like a boy or a girl, or how he chooses to dress. The only thing that matters is that he is a decent honest person, who respects others, and is comfortable with who he is.

“We've been wasting so much time and energy worrying about the details that we've lost sight of those things that are really important. We need to remember all of those marvelous qualities Drew possesses, and just let the child be who he or she will become.

“I think we need to focus our energy on trying to make sure Drew never loses sight of those qualities that make him such a wonderful person. Everything else is just details.”

Dave held Jenny close and gently kissed her, by way of a response. As they drifted off to sleep snuggled close, they found themselves lost in thought once more, not in worry, but rather in remembrance of the love, decency, and respect their beautiful child offers to the world every day.

Just as sleep overtook them, they decided this was the best way possible to be lost in thought.

Jillian 25.10.06 © 2006
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