As Dave and Jenny crossed the threshold and entered Castle Bond, it was easy to see they were both well past the point of exhaustion. As Dave dropped their bags just inside the door and they both plopped down on the sofa in the front room, he spoke, “Home, sweet home. I don't think I've ever been so glad to be anywhere in my entire life.”

Jen was silent for a moment before speaking, “It was an exhausting trip home, but wasn't it fun watching Gaby race?”

“Oh yes, that part was great. It was everything else that went on that wore me out. And I still have decisions to make.”

“Any more thoughts on that?”

“Not really. I mean, I can see a fairly extensive list of pluses and minuses associated with George's offer. I'll keep thinking about it, and I'll talk to Frank in the morning.”

“I'm not sure I have the energy to climb the stairs to go to bed,” Jenny sighed after a long moment's silence during which she nearly fell asleep.

Dave responded, “Come on, luv. I'll give you a hand, all right?” He helped her to her feet, then followed her closely as they went upstairs. Once changed into nightclothes, they quickly climbed into bed and turned out the lights. Jenny's head barely made contact with her pillow before she was gently snoring. Dave was nowhere near as fortunate.

______________________

I guess I'm going to have to make some sort of decision on this, aren't I? I don't suppose I could do this youth program and still work for Frank? Not that I just love working in a lumber mill, but the people have been great to me, and Frank has been an awesome boss, allowing time off for Drew's races, and things like this trip to Atlanta. I would feel incredibly guilty just up and leaving him after everything he's done for us.

But on the other hand, how could I pass up a job that would pay me to take Drew around to races and make sure he's training like he's supposed to? Admittedly, there would be a lot more involved than just that, obviously, but…sounds a bit like money for nothing.

How about if we take a step back and look at each side objectively? On the plus side is being paid to assist Drew and whatever other youngsters they may decide to add to the program. I say that's a plus, because it's bound to be more interesting than filing invoices all day, isn't it? On the minus side, I would have to leave Frank and all my friends at the mill. I know that may not sound like all that much, but they've all been great friends this past year in particular. It almost feels disloyal just thinking about leaving them.

Back to the plus side, this program is certain to be good for Drew and his racing career. He seems to thrive on tough competition, just like his mum. The tougher they are, the harder he competes, sometimes pushing himself beyond his limits. But on the minus, what about Jules? I worry that I don't spend enough time with her as it is. How much worse is that bound to get if I'm running all over creation monitoring a bunch of children's training? And that doesn't even begin to take into consideration the part of the job where I would be working with Mike keeping bikes ready for competitions.

On the plus side, assuming Jen is able to eventually return to competition, this job would make it possible for us all to be together a lot more than we were this past year. But that would mean taking the kids away from the only place they've ever known as home and moving them to a whole new country, where they don't even know the language. How could I do that in all good conscience? It would be particularly unfair to Juliette, who really has no reason for making such a move, beyond the family staying together. And what happens down the road, when Jen can't compete at that level anymore? Does my job disappear along with hers? If so, then what do we do? I can't expect Frank to hold my old job open for me to come back when this is all over with, can I? As strange as it sounds, I think I still need to talk to Frank about all of this. He's always been a reliable source for advice, and I trust his judgment. Maybe he'll be able to think of something I'm not that could sway the balance one way or the other.

___________________

Tired of tossing and turning, Dave decided he was thirsty, so he got up out of bed and went to the bathroom, where he took a drink of water, and silently stared at his reflection in the mirror. Finally reaching the conclusion that this wasn't helping him get to sleep, he returned to bed, where his mind continued to refuse to slow down enough to allow sleep to visit him.

___________________

All this just sort of ignores a much more important issue…Gaby. I still, looking back on the weekend, have a hard time believing that the beautiful young girl we spent the weekend with was actually my son. The entire weekend, I never saw any sign of a boy at all. It was actually a little scary, in a way. Before, there had been a little thing here or there that, if you paid close enough attention, you could see signs of the boy underneath it all, but not now. Gaby used to be a masquerade. I don't know anymore. Is it possible that Gaby has become the real person, and Drew is little more than an act? I'm almost afraid to discover the answers here, but once they come home, I suppose we will find out one way or another what's really going on, won't we?

I think the thing that made all this start to form in my mind was the look in Gaby's eyes. There was a life there, a twinkle. The only other place I've ever seen that look was in Jen's eyes. It's a look that says they're attacking life full speed ahead. That's a look I don't ever remember seeing in Drew's eyes, except maybe when he was racing. But Gaby had that look all weekend long, just like her mum. What does that mean? I guess we'll have to wait until the weekend when they get home to really figure these things out.

I wonder if Jules has noticed the change in her brother? From what I understand, they've been sharing a room while in America, and I wonder if she's observed any changes since Gaby's been around full time for so long? Maybe I don't want to know the answer to that one?

____________________

In spite of tossing and turning, both physically and mentally, Dave did finally manage to drift off to sleep. And for a change, he managed to avoid being awakened by strange dreams. So when he did wake up the next morning it was a surprisingly refreshed Dave Bond that prepared for his return to the mill, and the mountains of paperwork that no doubt would be waiting for him.

As he made his way through the piles of paperwork that had indeed greeted him, he found that for the first time since before they had left for Atlanta he was able to stop thinking about the job offer, and all the complications that would come along with it.

At lunchtime, Frank came by and for the first time all morning brought Dave out of his trancelike state. “So, could I interest you in joining me for lunch?” he asked once he had Dave's attention.

“Is it that time already? I had no idea,” Dave replied.

“I gathered that from the way you were so engrossed. I almost hated to interrupt.”

“At least I've nearly caught back up.”

“So, are you coming or not?”

“Sure, why not?”

A few minutes later, they found themselves seated in a local pub, where they had just placed their lunch orders. Dave decided to start in before Frank had a chance to divert him with other subjects. “So, what kind of terms were you talking about for the car?”

“Well, I know roughly what the dealer was willing to allow in trade, so what if I sold it to you at that price, taking payments? Say, somewhere in the neighborhood of a hundred pounds a week?”

“That sounds reasonable to me. I had been thinking I'd sell the old Passat. I could give you that towards it as well, cut down on how long it takes.”

“Shall we call that a deal then?”

“Yes, I think we will.”

Just then, their food was delivered to them, and they started eating in relative quiet…well, as quiet as you can find in a busy pub at lunchtime, at least. After a few minutes, Dave decided to break that quiet saying, “Frank, there's something else I need to talk to you about.”

Frank took a drink from his glass of beer, then said, “Sounds serious. What's up?”

“Well,” Dave started, as he tried to decide how best to continue, “While we were on our trip, I had an interesting talk with the director of Jenny's team in Germany.” He paused to take a sip from his glass, then continued, “He was telling me about their plans to start a youth development program, which they've already announced to the press that Drew is the first member, by the way…”

“That's great news, but I can't imagine that being the reason you're having this much trouble telling me what's going on.”

“No, you're right about that. I was offered the position of director of said youth program.”

“Wow. What did you tell them?”

“I said I had to think about it, and I wanted to talk to you.”

“Why me? You know I can't afford to offer you any more money at the moment.”

“No, I know that. The money is actually only a small part of it. I've been working for you a rather long time, and aside from just not wanting to leave you in the lurch, as it were, I've come to trust your advice as a friend. I don't have a clue what I want to do, frankly,” Dave took another drink of his beer and looked at his friend for a moment.

“I know you well enough to know that you've spent a lot of time debating with yourself all the pros and cons of the offer. So tell me, what's caused you to be so indecisive?”

“A lot of things, really. For one, I like working with you, and I'd hate to leave. This new job would probably mean we'd need to move to Germany, which I don't really want to do, particularly to Juliette. I mean, there is no reason in the world why she would need to relocate. Drew is another matter, but Jules…”

“Well, I can understand where you're coming from, I think. While this would mean your family would be together a lot more, it would mean taking the kids away from the world they've known their entire lives and throwing them into a society where they don't even speak the language. About with you so far?”

“Nailed it in one. But there are other factors as well, like the fact that I don't feel comfortable having my family's entire financial well being wrapped up in something as precarious as pro cycling. What happens if Jen can't make it back from her cancer? What if she can't race anymore? Does my job then disappear along with hers? And are we then stuck living in another country, with few if any prospects?” Dave paused and took a large drink from his glass. “It's not like I could expect you to hold my job open for me while I gallivanted about Europe fixing bikes and watching races, could I?” he asked, mostly rhetorically. “For every plus I can think of, I can also come up with a minus of equal value. I really have no idea what to do.”

Frank sat there for a moment before speaking, “First, let me say thank you for considering me enough of a friend to talk about this. Now, as your employer, I would hate to see you go, but it wouldn't be fair of me to apply any kind of coercion in this situation, would it? As your friend, I can tell you that you were miserable from the moment she left for Germany until she came home, even with her being so sick. Since then, you've been worried certainly, but nowhere near as unhappy as you had been before. Telling you that may actually be bad for me as your boss, but I think you needed to hear it, just to remember what's most important to you. So when are you supposed to give them your decision?”

“I think it will be a while yet. I'm sure they'll want an answer by the time the season starts, but…” Dave allowed the thought to fade, as he still wasn't sure what his answer would ultimately be. “Will you look at the time? We'd best get back, so I can finish catching up on those invoices.”

Having long since finished their meal, Frank paid the waitress the check plus gratuity and they headed back to the office. Dave settled back in to his work routine and before long had completely caught up with all the paperwork that had accumulated while he was away. It was at this point, with very little to occupy his mind, that the debate which had been raging resurfaced.

_____________________

I know that Frank is probably right, and once Jenny is ready to go back to racing, maybe it would be good if I've taken that job so we can be closer. But I can't shake this feeling that there's something else at work. I can't put my finger on any one thing, but I just don't trust George. As far as I know, he's never done anything that would cause me not to trust him, but that's the way I feel anyway.

This whole moving to Germany thing has me a little concerned, really. I know practically no German, and the kids are no better off than I am. How can we possibly be expected to function in a country where the only member of the family that has a clue what others are saying is busy so much of the time training? I know, it would probably do us all a bit of good to learn some basic German, even if we weren't considering moving there, what with Jenny and now Drew's career paths. Maybe I could talk George into letting me take the youth director job on a part time basis, while staying here until Jen is healthy and ready to compete. Of course, they may not realize just how long that's going to be, considering the fact that she's still deluding herself that she'll be back to full steam by midseason. I'm afraid that's just not going to happen. The doctors keep telling her it's going to take time, but she keeps trying to rush things along, even though they tell her that's the worst thing she could possibly do.

I wonder if Drew told his sister anything about the job offer? I suspect he did, but who knows what her reaction will be. Drew is very excited by the prospect, but Jules? She has nothing to get excited about in this situation.

_________________________

Dave was roused from his musings by the sounds of his co-workers leaving the office for the day. He looked at his watch and, surprised so much time had passed while he was lost in thought, did a quick tidy up of his desk, then headed out the door on his way home. Once in his car, he suddenly realized just how tired he was, and decided he'd best try to maintain his full concentration on the act of driving home. When he pulled in the driveway, thankful that he'd made the journey while remaining in one piece, he turned off the engine, climbed out, and made his way to the front door. Once inside, he quickly found Jenny in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

“Wow, something smells good,” he said as he came up behind her, standing in front of the stove.

“I thought now that I'm starting to feel better, I should take up some of the workload around here again.”

“Thank you, luv. So how are you feeling?”

“I'm starting to run down a bit, but far better than a few weeks ago, let me tell you.”

“Point taken.”

“So, did you get a chance to talk to Frank today?” she asked as she removed a casserole dish from the oven, and proceeded to carry it over to the table, where their places were already set.

Dave followed her to the table and took a seat. “Yes, he's willing to take payments, and the total price is going to be the same amount the dealer offered to allow in trade. I told him I was going to sell the Passat, and we'd apply the proceeds of that sale toward this car.”

“What about the other?” Jenny asked as she dished up some casserole onto her plate.

Dave took a moment to serve his own meal, then said, “We talked for a bit, but I'm still not much closer to a decision.”

“Want to talk about it some more?” she asked as she raised a forkful of food to her mouth.

Dave took a bite, followed by a drink of the wine Jen had poured, before responding with, “I don't know if it will help any more, but certainly.” He then took another bite of his dinner.

Knowing exactly the way Dave's mind works, Jenny decided to ask, “So, what are the things that are making you hold back?”

Dave set his fork down before replying, “First, I don't like the idea of moving the kids to a country where they don't even know the language, particularly Jules.”

“Why particularly her?”

“You and I would be there because of our jobs, and Drew would benefit from training and competing with better riders, but Jules only reason for going would be to remain with us. There aren't really any benefits she would derive from moving at this point.”

“Except for possibly getting to spend a little more time with her parents?”

“Precisely. Second, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way…”

“Why is it whenever someone says that, they're going to say something there's really only one way to take?”

“Ha ha ha. As I was saying, I can't put my finger on a specific reason for this, but I don't trust George. He's always struck me as a bit slimy, really. No offence, I know you like the guy.”

“Honestly, I understand what you're saying completely. He sometimes seems a little like an estate agent. But most of the time, he's on the up and up.”

“I hear you, but that doesn't prevent me from being afraid of moving all of us to Germany just so we can wrap up our family's financial security entirely in pro cycling. Doesn't sound like the safest approach, does it?”

“You're a big worry wart, but I suppose I can see where you're coming from. However, no one said we would have to move permanently. There's no reason we couldn't keep the house here, and come back during the off-season, is there? I know we just paid off the mortgage, so there's no real reason we would have to sell. We could get a place there for during the season, and once cycling is done with me...”

“When it's done with you is another point I'm concerned about. When you're not racing anymore, would I be out of a job as well? And if so, then what do we do? With neither of us bringing in anything, how would we get by until we could find work?”

“Okay, we've established that you can come up with multiple arguments opposed to taking this job. Is there anything about it that sounds appealing to you? I assume there must be, or you wouldn't' be having this much trouble making up your mind.”

“Of course. First and foremost, and while I've known this all along it was actually Frank who verbalized it at lunch today, is the simple fact that we would be able to be closer to you. He was fairly quick to point out that I was absolutely miserable from the moment you went to Germany until you came home after Christmas. I missed you more than I can put into words.”

“Then I take it that's a fairly big plus in your book?”

“You could say that.”

“Anything else you can think of?”

“Yes, as I said before, I know it would be good for Drew's development as an athlete to get the benefits of improved training and competition.”

They sat there in silence for a few minutes while they finished their meal, then Dave got up to clear away the dishes.

Jenny noticed what Dave was doing, and asked, “What are you doing?”

“Taking care of cleaning up after dinner.”

“You don't need to do that. I cooked, I'll clean up, all right? I've felt helpless for long enough, and I kind of like the idea of not being that way anymore.”

Dave set the dishes he had picked up back on the table, then said, “I suppose I can understand that. Let me know if you need any assistance, all right?”

“I will,” she replied.

Dave exited the room and decided to see what might be on the telly, while Jenny set about the task of post meal cleanup. Once completed, she joined him on the sofa to peruse the evening's offerings. Once they settled on a program, both of them found their minds wandering, and wound up paying no attention whatsoever to the program.

_______________________

I must admit, I'm a bit surprised actually. Dave is one of the most trusting people I've ever known, and here he is telling me he doesn't trust George. Not that I don't understand that somewhat. After all, George is a salesman, first and foremost, and we all know what they're like. He'll tell anyone anything in order to get what he wants. But still, if you go into any dealings with him understanding that he's sometimes full of it, then he's not that bad to put up with, really. Maybe Dave will find himself backing off that stance once he gets to know him a bit better? Well, if he allows himself to get to know George better, at least.

________________________

I get the feeling Jen is confused by my stance with George. Well, so be it. I can't help how I feel, can I? And when the overwhelming feeling I get when talking to someone is that I can't trust them, then I'm going to be inclined to go along with that feeling, plain and simple. So I have trouble taking what he says at face value. Is that such a bad thing?

All in all, I have to admit that when it comes down to it, I've been looking for reasons to not take the job, and I don't know that I should be that way. It would be more money, It would be more interesting than doing paperwork at the mill every day, and it would make it so we're all together all the time. I can't overemphasize that enough. Having hundreds, or even thousands of miles separating us is no way to live. There's no way in the world any excuse I can come up with for not taking the job can outweigh that point. Wow, I guess I just made up my mind…

________________________

It didn't take the elder Bonds long to come to the conclusion that bed would probably be a better place than sitting on the sofa being bored by reruns of television programs that weren't that good to begin with, so they together decided to turn off the telly and head upstairs for bed. Once there, Jenny turned to Dave and asked, “Anything else you'd like to discuss concerning the job?”

“Actually, yes. I've almost made up my mind to take it, but I don't feel right making a decision that so completely impacts the kids without asking them what they think first.”

Jenny smiled and said, “You're such a good mother.” Then she started giggling, and before too long Dave had added his own laughter to hers. They eventually turned out the lights and quickly found themselves enjoying the best night's sleep either of them had experienced in a long time.

Jillian 31.08.06 © 2006
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