I'm not sure I'm ready for this, sending my children away to America for six weeks? It sounded like it would be such a great learning experience for them, but that was before everything with their mum came to pass. I know the kids sense it as well, but there's something about this morning that can't help but feel like the last time Drew and Jules will ever see their mum alive. God, it hurts just thinking about it. Yes, it's early, and they're barely awake, but I can see it in their eyes. Even as we all tell ourselves that she's a fighter, and will never give up, there's a cloud hanging over all of us casting an ominous shadow over everything. That cloud keeps reminding us that the prognosis given to her by the specialist said to expect six weeks. Ironic how she's been given exactly the amount of time the kids will be away.

I must admit I was sorely tempted to let them drop out of the exchange trip when they asked me about it, but I knew there was no way in the world Jen would have allowed them to miss out on such an opportunity. And when I thought about it from her perspective, I can understand where she's coming from. Letting the kids go on this trip is a bit like her refusing to accept the possibility that she might not win this fight she's in, whereas keeping them home would have been like giving up. That's not something Jenny Bond has ever done, and I doubt she ever will. I did promise the kids that, should it happen that she doesn't have much time left, I would send for them. I just hope that need never arises.

I'm glad to see that Juliette's problems seem to have dissipated since Jen came home. I'm amazed at just how much difference hearing one word can have on someone's whole outlook. Obviously, I knew that a lot of Jules' problems were directly related to her anger at her mum for “leaving” us, but when the truth came out, the change in my little girl was instant, and overwhelming. It's been a joy to see. I just hope it lasts through this trip, and well beyond.

______________________

The Bond family joined all the other students and parents involved in the exchange trip as they gathered to wait for the kids' departure aboard the “Warsop College Express”, bound for the airport and the first leg of their journey.

“We have to go Mum.”

“I know Drew, take care you two” Jen pulled them both into a hug that she reluctantly released when Dave clasped her shoulders.

“I love you guys, make me proud.”

“We will,” Jules replied.

Dave gave them a quick hug and propelled them towards the waiting bus.

“I'll keep you informed okay,” he whispered once out of Jen's earshot.

“Thanks Dad.”

The kids clambered on board and Drew found Mad had reserved him a seat next to her. After a few moments, Mr. Wood departed from the bus, the door closed, and it pulled away, with all the occupants waving one last goodbye to their parents. Dave and Jen could both clearly see that Drew and Jules didn't seem to share their friends enthusiasm for the beginning of their journey, and felt a pang of sadness themselves at the thought that it was possible this would be the last time they would ever see their mum. When the bus had finally pulled out of sight, Dave looked into Jen's eyes and saw reflected there the same fear and sadness he had been trying so hard to hide. He reached out his hand and took hold of hers as they made their way back to their car for the journey home.

As they pulled out of the car park, Dave glanced over just in time to see the tears roll down Jen's cheek. He again took her hand and spoke, “You'll see them again. I promise.”

“I hope you're right, but what if the doctor's prognosis is correct?”

“If it comes to that, I'll make sure the kids make it back in time. But, and this is a huge but, that's not going to happen, because you're going to get better. I know it.”

“I wish I shared your certainty. Unfortunately, I can't shake the fear this morning. What about my babies?” The tears renewed their escape from her eyes as she continued thinking of the implications of not recovering.

“What's brought all this on? I've never seen you like this. Usually, you're so confident you wouldn't even consider for a moment the possibility of failure.”

“I don't know, really. I'm just so tired. I don't know if I'm up to this challenge.”

“Well, I know you are, so take my word for it, okay?” As he said this, Dave pulled the car into the driveway, jumped out and ran around to the passenger side, then opened the door and helped Jen out of the car. He held her arm as he escorted her into the house and led her to the sofa, where he said, “Why don't you lie down here for a bit and get some rest?” He then picked up a blanket and laid it over her. He leaned over her and gently kissed her on the forehead.

“Do you know I love you, David Bond?”

“And I love you. Just as well since you married me,” he joked, prompting a smile from his love. “There it is. I've been missing that smile. You get some rest, and call for me if you need anything.” He then headed into the kitchen where he started in on a little housework.

_______________________

How on Earth am I going to maintain my confidence in her chance of recovery? I think that last visit with the doctor took a lot of the wind out of her sails. I must say, I can understand that. Being told that you're going to have to undergo some rather extensive surgery that may or may not save your life? That's a fairly heavy weight to have placed upon your shoulders, and she's been trying so hard to hide just how bad it is from the kids. Maybe their trip will actually be a help to her in her recovery. I hope she doesn't feel like she has to put on a brave face for me. After all, I was in there with her when the doctor gave her the news about the surgery.

The kids, there's another bit of worry. I think all it would have taken for them to cancel their trip, even this morning, would have been for their mum to show even a moment's weakness in front of them. I suppose it makes sense then that she was trying to hide just how bad it is from them. In America, having fun gathering new experiences? Definitely the best way to keep Jen from using all her energy putting on a brave front, maybe she'll actually be able to save her strength for getting better.

One thing I still don't understand is the reasoning behind the whole “boyfriend” ruse. I know she said she was trying to protect us from all the worry, but how in the world was that supposed to help? Instead of doing whatever we could to help with her recovery, we wound up wasting all that time being tormented by a situation that had nothing to do with the truth. In a way, it makes me more upset than if that story had actually been true. I don't want to upset her now by starting an inquisition, but once she's on the mend, I may have to try to get her to explain what her thinking was.

____________________

When Dave returned to the front room, he had a plate of lunch and a cup of tea in his hands for his wife, who was just waking from her nap. “I thought you might like a bite of lunch.”

“Have I really been out that long?”

“I'm afraid so.”

“I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to sleep so long.”

“That's all right, luv, I know you need your rest if you're going to get better. And you're going to need to keep your strength up, which brings me to…” and he presented her with the plate and cup.

“You're far too good to me.”

“Nonsense. You eat a bite, then just relax and watch a bit of telly. I realize you're not terribly experienced in the whole ‘relaxing' bit, but give it a shot, you may even enjoy it.” He made sure he was out of arm's reach as he said this last bit, knowing that if he were too close, she might take a swipe at his ear. He returned to the kitchen momentarily to retrieve his own cup, then came back into the front room and sat down in the chair to relax a bit himself.

“Have you already eaten?”

“Yes, I was just finished up with clearing away the dishes when I heard you stir in here and thought you might do with a little something.”

“Thank you, I didn't realize I was so hungry. In fact, if you hadn't just handed it to me, I might have told you I didn't want anything. How wrong can one person be?”

When she was done, Dave took the dishes back to the kitchen while Jen settled in to watch a bit of television. He finished washing up, then returned to sit with her so he would be there if she needed anything.

Eventually, he settled in to read a book while Jen drifted in and out of wakefulness while allowing the telly to provide a soundtrack of sorts for the afternoon. After dinner, Dave helped Jen upstairs to get ready for bed, and when she was asleep once more, he returned downstairs to tidy the place a bit.

______________________

It's a good thing she came home when she did. As weak as she is now, I can't imagine her having the energy to carry on with her cover story for long. We'll just have to hope that it wasn't too late, and they can still get her through this.

One thing, maybe Drew will be able to avoid having any “Gaby-sodes” while they're in America. Of course, that's probably wishful thinking, considering the fact that Brit was probably the second biggest cause of most of them when they were here. Between her and Maddy, I sometimes wonder if they don't wish they could get him to be her all the time. I know, without a doubt, that isn't something he'd like to do, but I can very easily envision my poor boy being manipulated into doing just that. I really hope it doesn't come to pass, but…

_______________________

The ringing of the phone interrupted Dave's wandering thoughts. “Hello, Bond residence.”

“Dad it's me!”

“Drew? Where are you?”

“We just got to Washington.”

“You okay son?”

“I guess. Is Mum there?”

“She's asleep right now, its been a long day for us here you know.”

“I never thought, it's only just after four here.”

“That's okay Drew. Look she's okay at the moment, a bit tired that's all. Try not to worry. This call must be costing you a fortune.”

“I'm on Miss Cowlishaw's mobile.”

“That's good of her, look I'll tell your Mum you called when she wakes up, now enjoy yourselves. Give Jules my love. I'll give you a call at the Walters tomorrow, about tea time where you are okay, now don't fret.”

“I'll try. Bye Dad.”

“Bye kiddo.”

As he hung up the phone, Dave realized just how tired he was and decided it was time for him to get a little rest himself. So he turned out the lights, climbed the stairs and got himself ready for bed. He was nearly asleep before his head hit the pillow.

____________________

“You fool! What would ever make you think she was ever yours to begin with?” said the faceless stranger as his silhouette became visible thanks to the moonlight streaming in through the window.

“She loves me, and our children. That's what! Why else would she have come home to us?” Dave shouted at the stranger.

“Not any more!” he bellowed back. “I only returned her to you so you could nurse her back to health…or bury her!” The sound of his evil chuckle sent chills down Dave's spine. “If she survives, I might decide I want her back, and if I do there's nothing you or anyone else can do to stop me from taking what's mine!” The chuckle became a full-blown belly laugh…

_______________________

“Huh?” Dave uttered as his eyes popped open. In the back of his mind he could still hear that evil laugh. He'd been having these dreams for some time now, but since Jen's return home, they've taken an even darker turn, and this one was just another example. He looked at the sleeping form of his wife lying there next to him, and knew it was only a dream, but…

He laid his head back down, but sleep would not return, so he just looked at Jen, watching her breathing. He did eventually drift off some time before dawn. When he next woke, he quietly as possible got out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen, where he prepared breakfast for the two of them. A few moments later, he was back in the bedroom, tray in hand. “Rise and shine,” he said to Jen as she slowly opened her eyes and smiled.

“Breakfast in bed? How did I rate?”

“Well, you were very tired yesterday, and I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“You've done far more than I could ever possibly deserve already, but thank you,” she said as she took the proffered tray and started in on her breakfast. “Got any plans for today?” she asked between bites.

“Well, I'm afraid I may need to go in to the office for a while later. Wouldn't want Frank realizing he can function without me. What about you? Another day of lounging in front of the telly?” He asked this in jest, knowing that one of her least favorite things to do in the world was to lie about doing nothing.

“Actually, I thought if I were feeling up to it later, I'd go for a little ride.”

“Are you sure that's wise?” he asked as he got up from the side of the bed and started getting ready to go to work.

“When has a gentle bike ride ever done anyone harm?” she asked, knowing she had him cornered.

He was silent for a moment while he finished dressing, and then said, “Well all right, but be careful, and take it easy.” And with that he was standing right beside her. While finishing the knot in his tie, he bent down and gave her a kiss, waved goodbye, and headed downstairs and out the door. As he drove to the mill, he found his thoughts once again drifting…

_____________________

Those two are definitely alike, that's for certain. Jen's as bad as Drew, I swear. Can't keep either of them off their bikes without bed restraints. I feel I should be there with her, but if I don't go and get a little work done, I don't know how much longer I'll have a job, and that would not be a good thing at all.

I had hoped that when Jen came home, those stupid dreams would go away, but instead they've just become darker, stranger. My rational side is telling me that these dreams are just the product of some underlying insecurities I may still be harboring about whether or not she's come home for good, but that doesn't make them any less upsetting in the middle of the night. My only real hope is that as time passes and she gets better, those doubts will eventually go away.

___________________

Dave spent the afternoon filing paperwork, making work calls, and generally just trying to catch up on all the work that had piled up on his desk since he hadn't really been in as much as he should have been recently. The positive side effect of being so busy was that he didn't have time to think about anything not work-related for several hours.

When he returned home, he found Jen sprawled on the sofa, exhausted. The first thing he did was run to the fridge, get an energy drink, and bring it to her. “Here you go.”

“Oh, thank you, luv.”

“So much for a gentle, relaxing bike ride, eh?”

“Hey! It was very relaxing, thank you very much. I just got a bit carried away is all.”

“I can't imagine you getting carried away on a bike.”

“Careful, mister!” she playfully warned.

Dave walked back to the kitchen to find that not only had she been out for a ride, she had also started dinner cooking. “Well no wonder you're so tired,” he called out loud enough for her to clearly hear him. “So what are we having?”

“Oh, just a little chicken pasta Parmesan.”

“Sounds good.”

“Don't sound so surprised.”

“I'm not, I just didn't expect you to feel up to cooking is all.”

“Well, since you're here to keep an eye on the food, I'm going to pop into the shower. Be back in a moment.” And with that, Jen headed upstairs to get cleaned up.

____________________

Okay, so what the heck was she thinking? Wearing herself out on that bike, then cooking dinner when I know there's no way she really feels like doing it? I think we may have to have a talk about this.

___________________

Jen returned to the kitchen both looking and smelling better than when last he had seen her, as he began serving dinner. They sat at the dining room table, which they hadn't really been using since the kids left the day before, because Dave wanted Jen to get used to feeling “normal” again.

After dinner, Jen went and sat in the front room to relax while Dave cleaned up the mess in the kitchen…after all, she was still worn out from her earlier exertions. When he was done, he joined her on the couch, and they sat holding each other gently for hours, enjoying the closeness and the silence. When Jen became too tired to stay up any longer, Dave helped her upstairs and got her settled in bed, then went downstairs to make his check in call to the kids at the Walters in Grottoes.

“Hi there, Walters residence.”

“Brit, is that you? It's Mr. Bond.”

“Oh hi Mr. Bond, its Deb””

“Sorry, you sounded a bit like your sister for a moment. Do my kids have a moment to spare for their dear old dad?”

“Yeah sure, they're right here.”

“Thanks Deb. I'm sure I'll talk to you later.”

“And you to Mr. B, here's Gaby.”

Dave waited as Drew took the handset from Deb.

“Drew?”

“Hi Dad, how's Mum?”

“Why was Debbie calling you Gaby?”

“It's a long story”

“And I don't want to know right?”

“Er yes. So how's Mum?”

“She's okay son, she went for a short ride earlier but it took a lot out of her”

“She's okay though?” he started to panic.

“Calm down, yes she's alright, the doctors have said to expect it. Look son, I wasn't supposed to say anything, your mother made me promise, but well . . . .”

“Daad! What aren't you supposed to tell?”

“Your mother is going in to hospital tomorrow to be assessed for surgery.”

“You knew before we left?” he accused.

“Yes, we knew, it was your mothers decision not to say anything, she knows how you'd react”

“But…”

“Its your mother's call son. I promise to get you here if things take a turn for the worse. Put your sister on son, I'll try to get your Mum on the phone tomorrow okay?”

“Yeah. Bye Dad, give Mum my love, here's Jules”

Dave waited once more as Drew passed the phone to his eagerly waiting sibling.

“Dad?”

“Hello, Juliette. How was your trip over?”

“Long. And at times boring.”

“Yes, I'm afraid that is one of the realities of transatlantic travel. So are you enjoying yourself so far?”

“Oh, yes, Mrs. W took Deb and I to Waynesboro to do some shopping and stuff.” How's Mum?”

“Tired, but doing all right. I've something I'd like to ask you. Why is it that when you left Warsop, Drew was with you, but now it seems Gaby is in America?”

She moved a bit to ensure Mr. And Mrs. W didn't hear, and then responded, “Well, it seems Brit and Deb's olds think Drew is a girl, and her nickname is Gaby.”

“So how exactly did they get that impression?”

“I'm not sure, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that most of the pictures the girls took in England featured Drew in a skirt.”

“Point taken. So is Gaby there fulltime, then?”

“It would appear so. She sort of has to go to school like that because of the cheer contest. Something about it being easier to just stay as a girl, rather than having to switch back and forth all the time.”

“You watch out for her, all right? She's your younger ‘sister' and it's your place to help her when she needs it, understood?”

“Yes Dad.”

“Okay. Take care of yourself as well, Juliette.”

“I will.”

“I had probably best get off of here, and the same goes for you as well. Good night, sweetheart, and be good.”

“Okay dad. Love you.”

“Love you too.” And with that, Dave hung up the phone.

________________________

How does that child ever get into the fixes he seems to fall into all of the time? Every time I turn around, Gaby's back. It's almost as if he does it to himself. I don't know how he's ever going to cope with spending six full weeks as Gaby. She's never been around for more than a couple of days, and after those times, he couldn't get back to being Drew quickly enough, but this? What kind of effect is this going to have on the poor child? After such an extended time as a girl, is there any chance my son will ever return? I suppose I'd best stop thinking about this, before it drives me round the bend. I'm going to have six weeks to torment myself with all of this, there's no sense in wearing out the subject right off the bat.

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Jillian 12.07.06 © 2006
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