Well, Maddy's certainly enthused about the prospect of hearing about Drew's evening at that awards show. I wish I could share her enthusiasm, but I am glad that he had a good time at least. He deserves to have some fun with his mum once in a while. It's better than him hating her all the time like his sister seems intent to do.

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“Wish I'd been there” Mad mentioned

“Well you can see it tomorrow, I'm sure Gran'll put it on, eh Dad?”

“Sure she will” Dave mentioned from up front as they skirted Uttoxeter on their way over to the kid's Gran's near Nantwich.

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Of course she'll want to watch it. It's her daughter after all, isn't it? Even if she is a bit peeved at her at the moment, she's going to want to see Jen get that award. I'll just have to brave my way through it. If it gets too tough, I'll just make my excuses and leave the room.

I wish I understood everything that's going on here. From what Drew said when we picked him up, it sounded a bit like Jen was starting to wonder if there was a chance for her to come home. Would that were true. I swear, as pathetic as it may seem, I'd welcome her back in a heartbeat. However, I'm not sure the kids would do the same. Oh, I know Drew would, but I'm not so sure about Juliette. She's still stinging pretty severely from this whole thing. What to do?

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“So did you meet anyone famous?” Mad was still at it, trying to pry more and more details from Drew.

“Well, actually I mostly met wives and girlfriends of stars. We were sat in a different section from the award nominees. I did meet Victoria Beckham.”

“What was she like?”

“It was a bit difficult to tell, really. I was a bit busy doing the goldfish thing at the time, and I think she found it a bit off putting, to be honest.”

With that Mad started giggling, which got Drew started, and for a few minutes the sounds of Jules singing along with her CD player were lost in the background of their infectious humour.

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Drew is definitely in high spirits this morning. Good, he's been down in the dumps far too much of late. He's still a kid. He deserves to enjoy his last bit of childhood.

Maddy was definitely feeling a bit apprehensive this morning about the tandem ride tomorrow. I suppose I can understand a bit of that. She feels like she's filling in for Jen, and is terrified she can't measure up. Hopefully she can get over that and enjoy the ride. It's a fairly good course for an inexperienced tandem rider, fairly flat.

Jules is being very quiet this morning…if you don't count the occasional song line sung out accidentally, that is. I'm afraid she's still harboring some fairly negative feelings toward her mum ; and I don't have the slightest idea what to do about it. I mean, I've reached a point where I am more or less past the anger, what's it going to take for her to get there as well?

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“So, is this course very hilly? Is it straight?” Maddy asked question after question about the race, not really expecting much, or any for that matter, answer from her traveling companions, all of whom seemed to be off in their own little worlds. “Are you sure I can do this? I'm worried. Twenty-five miles is a terribly long way. What happens if I hit a point where I can't go on?” She was reaching a point of tormenting herself with every negative thing she could imagine happening during the race the next day.

She carried on in a similar vein for most of the duration of the trip, only occasionally getting responses from Drew to her incessant questioning.

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Nearly there, and it's about time too. I could really use a little bit of relaxation after that drive. Once we get settled, I'm sure mum'll want to sit down with some tea to discuss how things have been of late. Then I'll be able to relax a bit. Am I ever looking forward to that. Ah, there's Nantwich just ahead.

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“Hi Gran!”

“Hi kids, Dave”

“Hi Mum”

“Come on in, I've got the kettle on.”

Gran's place was doing Christmas – big style! Fake snow on the windows, a big holly wreath on the front door and enough decorations inside to make Santa nauseous! To be truthful the Bond residence was looking a bit mean this year, a few cards and a few bits of tinsel. No tree, no fairy lights – well they weren't going to be there much were they? And it was usually something they did with Jen.

“So kids, are you wearing fancy dress in the morning?” Gran asked as Mad and Drew helped with the washing up.

“Never thought,” Drew allowed .

“It's a fancy dress event?” Mad asked .

“Didn't this lummox tell you?” Gran went on.

“No he didn't” Mad huffed .

“Drew and his Mum won the fancy dress last year . ”

“You never said” Mad looked accusingly at Drew.

  “I forgot okay”

Mad was now in sulk mode.

“I've still got last years costumes upstairs, you could wear them?” Gran suggested

“Graaan” Drew groaned

“Could we?” Mad perked up immediately, “Drew, please?”

“Go on Drew, you did win last year” Gran cajoled

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Drew may not be too keen on the idea of repeating his appearance from last year, but Maddy is absolutely bubbling at the prospect. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she's going to get her way. That boy will do nearly anything to make her happy. It's rather cute, really.

Well, there it is. It would appear Gaby is to make an appearance again this year. I suspect that at least part of Drew doesn't mind the fancy dress as much as he lets on, and in any case as he's never able to say no to Maddy ; any misgivings he might have harbored are, as always, quickly dispatched. It's cute, the way she can talk him into nearly anything. I hope he can manage to exercise a little self-control, should she decide to push their relationship further along, as it were. I really don't fancy being a grandparent just yet.

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“Three, two, one, go! Good luck girls!” And with that, Xena and Gaby set off on their timed tour of the Cheshire countryside.

“I hope they'll be alright on that thing. I always told Jen I thought it looked like a deathtrap.”

“I'm sure they'll be alright mum. Gaby's a good rider, and Mad's coming along as well. At least with the Xena wig we can tell them apart. Sometimes they look so much like twins it's scary.” And with that, Dave let out a nervous chuckle.

“Yes, they do both have the look of Peters women, don't they?”

As the tandem trundled out of sight, the conversation took a turn. “Mum?”

“Yes Dave?”

“I'm a bit worried about Jen. The last time I saw her, she wasn't looking all that well. I tried to explain it away as just being tired, or maybe a touch of the flu, but the more I think about it, the more worried I become.”

“I hope you're wrong. Oh, now you're going to have me worrying as well. We'll have to make sure to look closely when the awards show is on. See if she's looking under the weather.”

“I frankly hope it's my imagination. I'd hate to think she's sick and I can't do anything to take care of her.”

“I'm glad to hear that this mess hasn't driven you away. I almost expected you to be so angry with her that you wouldn't concern yourself with how she's doing. But then that's not really your way, is it? You're still hoping she'll decide to come back, aren't you?”

“That obvious, is it?”

“Only to those who have eyes.”

“Am I being stupid?”

“No, you love her. And it's not in your nature to give up on something you care about. The fact that you still care after what she's done makes me admire you even more. If she should decide she wants to come back, I'm glad you seem willing to at least discuss the idea. It may be more than she deserves at the moment. You're the best son-in-law a mum could ask for, David Bond.”

“I don't know about that.”

“I do. Now quit arguing with me,” she said with a laugh.

_________________________

Frankly, I'm glad I'm more or less past the anger toward Jen. I could stand here and say that's not my way, but what does that mean, really? I can't help but still be in love with her. She's the only woman I've ever truly, completely loved, and I don't want to try to imagine my life without her. I suspect that's where some of the anger came from…the prospect of not being with her anymore. From what Drew said yesterday, maybe she's coming around. Realizing that maybe she made a mistake. Maybe she's just not sure how to come home. Well, all she really needs to do is call, and I'll tell her. Get on a damned plane, that's how. Anything else, we can work out together. That's what marriage is, isn't it? Working out problems together?

It's just occurred to me…this is sort of a birthday for Gaby. It was a year ago she made her first appearance. Funny how in that time she's almost become like a third child. While there's part of me that wishes Drew had never dressed up as Gaby, there's another part that I think would actually miss my youngest daughter, if she were gone. Odd, isn't it?

I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but there's a part of me that's glad Juliette has had her head buried in her Discman the past couple of days. She's made no secret of her problems with her mother's behavior of late, and frankly the lack of her usually constant complaining has made for a pleasant respite. She would be the one real hurdle if Jen were to want to come back home. Of course, even the thought that she might want to is pure speculation…nay, wishful thinking…on my part.

On top of everything else, I think Jules is actually jealous of Gaby sometimes. I don't quite understand why that might be, but I can't shake the feeling that's the case. It's almost as if she thinks Gaby is Drew's way of encroaching on “her” territory or something. If Gaby is going to continue making appearances, and I have little doubt of that point at the moment, I guess I'm going to have to figure out a way to ensure Juliette doesn't feel left out, or less important. I do still have dreams of raising two well-adjusted kids, after all. Though I wonder if that's in the cards.

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“Alright everyone, here they come finishing their first lap. Let's give them a big cheer, see if we can give them a boost, eh?” Dave said to everyone, but in particular to his eldest daughter, who up to this point hadn't shown any signs she had the slightest clue where she was, she was so engrossed in her CD player.

They all moved up to the edge of the road, and as soon as the duo was in sight, they began shouting encouragement at the top of their lungs. “Go Gabs…Push Mad…Go, go, go…Keep going kids…Come on Drew…” and the like until they were past and nearly out of sight once again. Then Jules returned to her CD player, Gran took a seat in the camper, and Dave just sort of stood there, staring off into space.

________________________

I must admit, they're doing better than I expected. After their trial run the other day, I was a bit concerned about Maddy's ability to keep up a competitive pace. Obviously, Drew's not going full bore, but she's keeping up with him. Of course, the real test comes in about twelve miles, when they're coming around toward the finish.

I know Drew told his mum about Maddy riding the tandem with him today. I wonder if she felt any pangs at the thought? I'd like to think she did. I would suspect that the thought of someone taking her place in the race would make her rather sad. In this past year, the tandem had kind of become a special thing for her and Drew to share, and someone taking her place would probably leave a fairly empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. At least that's what I think.

You know, I would have thought we would have heard something from the doctor about that second round of tests he decided to run on Drew. I suppose if the results came out the same as before, there wouldn't really be any need for a detailed report, would there? And then there's the battery of tests they did at the training center the other day. I wonder if any of those results might shed some light on things for the other doctor? Is there any way to get them to share those results? I'll have to remember to check into that. Maybe they could help Dr. Sanwari figure out what's going on.

So what am I going to do with myself while the kids are in America? They're going to be gone for over six weeks. I can't remember when I was last on my own for that length of time; maybe never, really. Certainly not since I met Jen. It's going to be odd, that's for sure. No early Saturday morning trips to bike races, no emergency repairs, no badminton matches, no teen angst disrupting the silence. Wow, it's going to be a terribly boring month plus. I may have to see if I can find some reading material or something, because I'm simply not sure what to do with myself if there aren't more tasks that need to be done than time in the day.

Let's face it, I'm too old to go about carousing in pubs and still be able to function at work the next day, and I can't imagine being glued to the telly every night. Oh, there's always extra work that needs done at the mill, and this might be a great opportunity to get some of that done, but even that can't fill up all that much of the time. I suppose I could check with the university, see if there are any weekend digs where I could get my hands a little dirty. That would be great fun. We'll just have to see.

I haven't been on a serious archeological dig since before I got married. Has it really been that long? I used to dream of finding pharaoh's tombs and the like. Of course, that was before I had a family and all the obligations that come along with one. Would I still love to do that sort of thing if given the chance? Absolutely, but the fact is, I love taking care of my family more. That doesn't mean I wouldn't be interested in seeing how the other half lives while the kids are away, though. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea.

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As the “twins” neared the end of their second lap, Jules actually surfaced from her self imposed trance long enough to cheer them on to the line. Then the duo freewheeled along the lane for a short way before Drew changed down and guided them slowly back to the village hall. Gran and co were waiting for them

.

“Well done you two” Gran mentioned as Dave grabbed the machine so they could dismount.

“You look knackered Mad” Jules stated .

“Not many! I've felt better!”

“That was great,” Drew started untangling himself .

“Yeah, but I'm still done in” Mad agreed .

“Come on then, I've got some cocoa in the camper” Gran told them.

“ Go on Drew, I've got the ‘Beast' under control, go get warmed up” Dave urged. As the kids climbed in, he set about mounting the tandem to the carrier on the back of the camper.

___________________

Good ride today, all things considered. I'm becoming more impressed with Maddy's skills all the time. Maybe there is something in the genes. Still, I know deep down Drew is a bit disappointed. After all, he's become a bit accustomed to winning, so finishing back of the leaders is hard for him to take. I just hope he doesn't make the mistake of blaming anyone for their finish. He knew coming into this thing that Mad is a very inexperienced rider, not to mention a complete novice on tandem. I hope he remembers to tell her how well she did. I'm sure he will. He's a very caring person, after all. And very good at helping others, so I'm sure he'll play up her performance if she tries to tear it down.

What's going on over there? Ah, yes, I remember now, the group photo for all costumed participants. That poor boy can't wait to get out of his Gaby costume, and he's stuck sitting around waiting for the paper to take his picture. I can just imagine what's spinning through his head while he waits. Things like “I wonder how many times they'll misidentify me this time?” or “The name's Drew, D_R_E_W” or some such thing. Of course, he might not be so keen to correct them when they identify him as Gaby again. After all, if they get it right this time, someone might start to wonder about all the previous “Gaby” sightings in print. Sooner or later, someone would be bound to figure things out, and that might prove a bit embarrassing for Drew, mightn't it?

You know, I think Jen might've really enjoyed seeing Drew pilot the beast today. He did a fine job of it, and it's incredibly difficult to do when you've not much experience with it. I know I was quite proud of the effort he put forth today ; but then again I am a bit biased, I suppose. Still, I know his mum is very proud of his accomplishments this year…in some ways more than her own…and even though she's never really had the opportunity to see him in competition, because of schedules and such, she's always been extremely excited to hear how his races went. I do wish she could figure out a way to see him ride in person. She might be surprised just how good he is. They aren't kidding when they start throwing about statements like “wunderkind” and the like. He doesn't have the physical strength yet, but his spirit, technique, and particularly his tactics are extremely advanced…sometimes he outthinks far more experienced riders. It's quite fun to watch, actually.

____________________

After the photo session for the paper, the Bond clan piled into the camper and set forth on their return journey to Gran's house. Once there, Drew and Maddy immediately headed for the shower, Juliette was “volunteered” to help her Gran prepare dinner, and Dave took the opportunity to veg in front of the telly for a bit. He found some skiing on, and quickly drifted out of range of normal consciousness.

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I really must get a handle on things. I haven't been able to focus on anything in weeks. I know that some of that is due to emotional issues related to Jen, but really, I thought I was better able to deal with adversity than this. I had always envisioned myself as a strong, stable person who could be relied upon in any circumstance to be the rock that everyone else leans on. So why do I feel myself crumbling? A lot of my confidence, my strength, has been built on my family and the love we share. With Jen gone, I feel weak for the first time since…well, since before I met her. I don't like the way this feels. Not one bit, to tell the truth.

Jen's mum has been great to us…to me even. I never really expected that. After all, she's Jen's mum, isn't she? And yet at the moment it's almost as if she's siding with me and the kids, rather than her own daughter. I hope that doesn't create a permanent rift between them. I don't think I'd be comfortable being in the middle of that, were it to come about. Maybe if we can work things out between us, it'll prevent that from happening.

I'm actually a bit torn over what would be the right thing to do. Do I sit and wait until she decides what she wants to do, or do I take a more proactive stance, maybe go to Germany and confront her and this, Dieter? Oh, it would be so tempting to head straight over there and let them have what for, but first, that's simply not the way I do things, and it's not the kind of example I intend to set for my children. On the other hand, this waiting, not knowing anything is nigh on intolerable. Maybe there's still a future for us, and maybe there isn't. I suspect Jen's just thinking about the here and now, and isn't really thinking through things as clearly as she usually does. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I'm a patient man, but this is stretching mine well past it's limits, and something is going to have to happen to resolve things soon. I don't think my heart can take dragging this thing out much more.

_________________________

Gran stuck her head through the kitchen door and called, “Come on everyone, dinner's ready!” And with that, Drew and Maddy came thundering down the stairs while Dave roused himself from his mental stupor. As they all joined Gran and Juliette at the table, Gran spoke up once again, “You should be well pleased with the outcome. Juliette did a masterful job assisting in the preparation of this fine repast. Not all that much unlike the job Drew and Maddy did this morning in the race. I was very proud of how well you both did. Now, let's all enjoy ourselves, shall we?”

For a short while at least, the Bond family relaxed and they even sort of enjoyed themselves. They ignored Mum's presence, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say lack thereof for as long as they could but they had barely finished the washing up before ‘The BBC Sports Personality of the Year' started on the telly. It wasn't quite the same already knowing the result but they all settled down around Gran's ancient box to watch.

“There you are Drew” Mad pointed as they showed people arriving at TV Centre.

“Where?”

“You missed it, you were behind David Beckham” Jules told Drew.

“Oh”

“Everyone at school will be sooo jealous Drew” Mad stated, “I know I am”

“Yeah well” he allowed as the show started properly.

As they watched, Dave couldn't help but be entertained by the unconscious commentary Drew gave throughout the program. One of the more interesting things he commented on was the fact that some bits were actually shown out of the sequence they did it on Friday, which he said he found a bit off putting, but after over an hour it was time for Jen's big moment.

‘And this years winner of the BBC Sports Personality of the Year is…Jenny Bond!'

They showed close ups of her and then a wide shot of the audience before surprising Drew with a shot of him leaping about.

“…And it seems to have gone done pretty well with the rest of the family too” David Vine mentioned as the shot returned to Jen who was now joining Gary Lineker on the stage.

The video, which Drew thought only lasted thirty seconds on Friday was actually a couple of minutes long and this time he actually got to watch it. There was all the stuff they all remembered but Drew said he didn't see the footage of the Ranby ten on Friday night! There he was, tucked in behind his Mum coming under the Blythe Bridge. The rest was much as he remembered, the speech full of meaningless platitudes, the shots of the audience and then unlike Friday it was over.

“She looked a bit peaky don't you think?” Gran mentioned as the credits started .

“Serves her right” Jules put in.

“You're right Mum” Dave agreed, “She looked a bit thinner too”

“I thought telly made you look fat?” Mad mentioned.

Dave and Gran exchanged a look.

“She seem okay to you Drew?” Dave asked.

“Yeah fine” he replied but he then cast his mind back, was she really?

“Maybe she realizes what she's done” Jules just about spat.

“Anyone for supper?” Gran queried.

Gran's suggestion broke the growing tension so then they turned their attention to their stomachs.

_______________________

Maybe I was on the right track after all. Jen really didn't look well at all on the telly tonight, and it wasn't just me noticing either. Her mum was definitely thinking the same thing I was after we watched the award show. If she's sick enough to have that kind of affect on her appearance, I can't help but wonder just what's wrong? It definitely looks like it's worse than just a case of the flu, or stress doing it.

I've known that woman far too long not to know that she's hiding something ; and the longer this drags out, the more I begin to doubt that it has anything to do with her having an affair. I'm starting to think she's really sick, and trying to hide it to protect…us? What could be so bad that she'd think we'd rather believe she had left us than know the truth? I'm not sure I want to know the answer to that one ; but by the same token I can't stop thinking about it because I need to know the answer. I hope she comes around and tells us what's really going on soon. I think the truth is the only thing that has a chance to bring Juliette out of her anger, and that's something that needs to happen, and soon.

Drew wasn't happy at all about this morning's Gaby appearance. The odd thing is, once she's gone on doing whatever is on the agenda, the reluctance seems to just go away, as if Drew disappears and Gaby's the only one there. Even when given the chance to change back after the race, Gaby stayed with us until we got back to the house. Maybe Drew is more comfortable as Gaby, but is afraid of the fact? Who knows?

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Jillian 05.07.06 © 2006
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