Well, if this isn't the most awkward position I've ever found myself in, then I can't for the life of me tell you what was. Sitting here in the lobby of the Hotel Bristol, waiting for the love of my life, the mother of my children, who oh, by the way doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. Yes, this is bound to be a pleasant evening…NOT!

Am I ever going to find out what the heck is going on? Do I really want to know? Well of course I want to know, this is Jen we're talking about, after all. Maybe if I just come right out and ask if she'd consider coming back home, no questions asked? That would be the noble thing to do. I'm just not sure I'm that noble at the moment.

_________________________

Dave saw her first and stood to greet her, not the loving hug and kiss of old, but an awkward, somehow remote squeeze. Jen looked bright enough, why shouldn't she? But the old joy in her eyes was absent. Come to think of it, it wasn't there last time they had seen her either.

“Jen” Dave stepped back

“Hi kids”

“Hi Mum” Drew allowed

“Yeah” Jules added

“You got a hug for your Mum?”

They both went and took part in mostly one-way hugs.

“So, you guys ready to eat?” she asked brightly

“We eating here?” Dave asked

“They've got a party tonight” Mum replied

________________________

All these weeks I've been hoping for a chance to talk, to try and figure out a way to fix things, and now here we are, and I don't even know where to begin. And what's worse is even if I knew what I wanted to say; I'm getting the feeling that you're not interested in listening. So why exactly am I here then?

___________________________

“I've made reservations in a little place just down the road”

“Can we walk?” Dave asked

“Yes, it's not far.” She checked her watch. “Well, shall we go? The reservation's for seven.”

They walked to the restaurant, Jenny and Dave trying to keep a neutral conversation going, the kids trailing along behind.

“So how've you been?” Dave began.

“Oh, fine,” Jen replied.

“That's good. So how'd things go in Australia?”

“Good.”

“I suppose they have you jetting all over the place these days. Everyone wants a piece of the World Champion, eh?”

“Yes, it's getting a bit tedious actually. I never seem to have a moment's rest.”

“Well, maybe things will ease up a bit soon, eh?”

“Yes, they might.”

“How're Maria and the rest of the team getting on?”

“Oh, fine. Have you heard from mum?”

“Yes, she calls to check in from time to time. You really should give her a call yourself once in a while. She is your mother, after all.”

“I know, but things have been so busy with all the traveling and public appearances and such. I just never seem to have a moment free.”

“Well, please make a moment, will you?” Dave asked. As the conversation continued along these same lines, Dave found his mind beginning to roll through all the things he wanted to say but couldn't, all the things he was thinking, but knew this was neither the time nor place to address.

______________________

My, aren't we an abundance of information this evening? I can't remember ever feeling this awkward talking with her. It makes me very sad. Sad and angry at the same time. No, we shan't be going there this evening. This is a time for the kids to get a chance to see their mum. Not for me to fire my barrage of questions trying to figure out just exactly what's going on here.

Why so evasive? It's as if she's not wanting to share anything with me, like she's trying to cut me from her life completely. What on Earth has really brought all this on? There's more going on than we're being told, of that I'm certain. I just don't know what we're missing.

______________________

“So how are John and Carol getting on? I haven't had a chance to talk to either of them for ages,” Jen made another attempt at small talk.

“They're doing fine, all things considered. They're very concerned about what's going on with us. You really should make an attempt to keep in touch.”

“You're probably right there.”

“Of course I am. Carol is your family. She's also one of your oldest and closest friends. And yet…”

“Yet what?”

“No, this is neither the time nor place.”

“You're right about that.”

With that they both became very quiet, as if neither one wanted to further spoil the evening for the kids. So they walked on in a most uncomfortable silence, broken only by the usual noises encountered on the city streets.

____________________

Thank God, there's the restaurant. I used to be able to listen to this woman talk about anything in the world, and find it the most enjoyable thing I could possibly do. Now, I don't know. Everything is just so forced it's almost painful.

______________________

The four of them enter the restaurant, and are greeted by the waiter.

“We have a table booked, Peters” Jen mentioned when the waiter greeted them.

“Ah yes Mrs. Peters, table for four”

“Its Miz” she told him

He sort of half shrugged and led them to a table in the window. After distributing the menus he retired to the bar and Dave looked almost tearful.

“So you're using Peters then?” he mentioned, a hurt look on his face.

“It, er. . . well seemed appropriate”

“Seventeen years of marriage means that much to you!” he almost spat. “Were you going to tell me some time?”

____________________

Not messing about, are you Ms. Peters? And here I was thinking that maybe there was a chance that if we talked we might be able to patch things up. Well obviously, that's not exactly in the cards, is it?

Maybe I'm being out of line here, but I can't help but feel hurt by all this. I mean really, never so much as a hint anything was bothering her, then out of the blue she announces she's leaving me, then wham, next thing I know she's gone back to using her maiden name. And not the least bit remorseful either.

I'm afraid if I stay here much longer…maybe I'd best get out of here before we get too involved in the meal.

_____________________

“Sorry kids, I'm not staying.” Dave went on, “I'll say or do something I'll regret”

“We're coming too,” Jules stated, moving to get up

“Dave! Kids!” Jen pleaded

“No Jules, you two stay with your Mum, ring me when you're done and I'll come and get you.”

“Dave I didn't mean…” Jen's voice trailed off as he was already out of the door.

Dave, nearly in tears, started walking, not really paying all that much attention to where he was going. As he wandered the streets, his mind started drifting from one subject to another.

______________________

Wow! That was a bit of a surprise, eh? I suppose if I were able to see any of this objectively, the whole name thing might have made sense, but damn it, I can't! And more to the point, I won't! She can't expect me to just discard seventeen years of my life because it's inconvenient for her, can she? Okay, so maybe she doesn't see things that way, but I can't help it. I had assumed that “'til death do us part” was a fairly literal phrase. Maybe I was out of line for thinking such a thing, but that's me.

I hope Jules doesn't burn any bridges this evening. She's so angry and hurt by all of this, and has no idea how to deal with any of it. Drew's hurt, for certain, but he doesn't seem to be angry like his sister. I'm worried about both of them, to tell the truth. But Jules is definitely the more pressing issue at the moment. She's letting all this affect her schoolwork, which she was prone to letting slide more than she should anyway, and she's a bit of a loose cannon of late. The time at her Gran's seemed to help a little, but this tonight; she's as bad as ever, and doesn't seem to care. Liable to blow up at any time, over just about anything.

I don't know what I was expecting this evening. Maybe I thought spending a little time together would make her come to her senses or something; want to come back home. Obviously, I've been deluding myself if I've really been thinking that way. She's got this great life, running all over the world, celebrity parties in exciting cities, getting paid to ride a bike; why on Earth would she want to come back to living in Warsop with the kids and I? She's just taking advantage of a chance to see what life would have been like had she made different choices. Unfortunately for us, it's looking like she's going to choose the other life, rather than us.

I guess I can understand something of that. How different would my life have been, had we not got married and had kids? Well, I'd probably be digging up castles instead of working for Frank at the mill, for one thing. But unless you get a teaching post at university, it's kind of difficult to make the kind of living necessary to maintain a house and raise a couple of kids. That's a fine life for a single kid, not a family man. Even ignoring the money aspect, being dragged away to distant locations to work long hours out in the sun, being away from home for months at a time. I don't think I could do it. But that's exactly what Jen's done. So maybe I understand what she's thinking better than I thought?

Now that I think of it, Jen didn't look well. Tired, understandably so, but I can't shake the feeling it's more than that, like a touch of the flu or something. It was her eyes, mainly. They used to sparkle so, but tonight that shine was missing. Could that be the sadness of the situation? I don't know, but somehow in the back of my mind, I don't think so.

________________________

“I suppose I ought to grab a bite to eat,” Dave mumbled as he looked up and happened to catch a glimpse of a small diner. He walked in the door and went immediately to the counter, taking one of the stools at the ‘bar'.

“Get you anything?” The older lady working behind the counter asked before he even had a chance to look at the menu.

“Er . . . how about a cheeseburger? And coffee.”

“Coming right up,” came her entirely too cheery voice.

It was only then that Dave began to look around the diner, and caught sight of a young couple huddled in a corner booth, giggling as they ate.

“I remember…”

“Remember what?” the waitress' voice interrupted any further musings as she set the coffee cup in front of him.

“Nothing,” he tried to brush her off.

“Didn't sound like nothing. I'm not exactly a bartender, but I do know how to listen, and things are a bit quiet around here this evening. If you change your mind and want to chat, just let me know”

“That's very kind of you, but…”

“Say no more,” there was a bell sounded from behind her, and with that she headed over to the window that passed from the kitchen to the counter, picked up a plate, and brought it back over to Dave. “I'll be right over there if you need anything.”

He quickly ate his sandwich and drank his coffee in silence, then left a generous tip for the lady's kindness, and once again headed out into the cold. “This wind is getting a bit chilly. Maybe I'll just go wait in the car for the kids' call,” and with that he strolled head down toward the hotel, where he had parked.

______________________

It's probably not healthy, me going over and over these same things constantly like this. Not if I want to have any hope of ever…oh, who am I trying to kid here? I don't want to get over her. I still love her. And I'd still love to be able to work things out and return to something vaguely approximating normal. Not that there's much hope of that.

_______________________

After sitting there in silence for a few minutes, Dave took out his cell phone, and pulling up the number from it's phone book, pressed ‘talk'. On the second ring, there was an answer.

“Hello?”

“Caroline, it's Dave. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“Not at all. What's wrong? Nothing with the kids I hope.”

“No, they're fine, all things considered. They're having dinner with Jen at the moment.”

“And you didn't think you could take sitting there with them?”

“That's about the size of it.”

“So what's got you upset? Aside from just seeing her?”

“She's gone back to Peters.”

“Changed her name, eh?”

“Yeah”

“I don't suppose that's too big a surprise, although the timing does seem a bit sudden. Is that what's bugging you?”

“Yes, at least partially. I had built up in my mind that there was a chance we could make some progress toward reconciliation, but once I found out about the whole name business, I said I couldn't stay and left.”

“I think I can understand that. And if she's thinking clearly, I'd bet she can as well.”

“That's the thing, I'm not sure what she's thinking. And the other thing that's bothering me, is she isn't looking well.”

“Now that could be your imagination. Your subconscious looking for something that isn't there. And even if what you're saying is true, maybe it's just the flu or something. As much as she's been traveling, it's bound to have worn down her resistance quite a bit.”

“True”

“Listen Dave, you hang in there. If anyone can make their way through this, it's you. Just give it time. Everything will work out.”

“I hope you're right. I just wish I knew what ‘everything will work out' means.”

“All will be revealed, Grasshopper.” They both giggled a bit at that.

“You're something else, you know that? A good friend. Thanks for listening.”

“Any time Dave, you know that. Now you take care of those kids, and let me know if you need anything, alright?”

“I will. Thanks again. Bye.”

“Bye Dave.”

And with that he broke the connection, leaned his head back against the seat, and let out a loud sigh.

_____________________

Maybe Caroline's right, and it's just my imagination grasping at straws. Or even if what I think I saw is real, maybe it's not that she's ill or anything, just the whole fame thing getting to her. She wouldn't be the first to achieve celebrity only to find it wasn't what they expected at all. I imagine things get a bit out of hand at times, dealing with reporters and whatnot. That might be enough to snuff the life right out of you, I imagine.

Strange the things you notice, like it struck me how similar Drew is to Jen tonight; almost like he's a reflection of her youth. The same nose, same eyes…it's uncanny. I'm sure if I mentioned this to Drew, he'd take it all wrong. He's been particularly touchy about things like that of late…really, ever since that night he became so upset after the phone call. While there's a large part of that child that is truly feminine, there's another part that's all boy. Sometimes it seems the two parts are warring for control, and it's a close battle.

Juliette, on the other hand, has the look of my mum about her. Where Drew takes after Jen's family, Jules is all Bond. You can look all day long, and not see a bit of Peters in the girl.

_____________________

The ringing of his phone interrupted any further thoughts, as Jules was calling for Dave to come pick them up from the restaurant. Just a couple of minutes later, he was pulling up outside said establishment, Jules trying to get the door open and climbing in before the car had even come to a complete stop.

“You two okay?”

“Yeah, “ Drew told him as he joined Jules in the backseat, “where've you been?”

“Just walking son, thinking” he put the car in gear and drove past the restaurant; the silhouette of his estranged love in the window just polarized things. Jules managed to resume a sort of half hug round her brother, still sniffing back tears.

“You were walking all this time, that's like two hours”

“Well I did get a burger” he allowed

“It's the name thing isn't it?”

“We haven't even talked to lawyers yet,” he replied over his shoulder, “it's like she wants rid of me, us as quick as possible.”

Jillian 05.07.06 © 2006
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