“Here it is, yet another early Sunday morning, and again we're driving halfway across Britain for a bike race,” Dave muttered to himself as he piloted the trusty camper down the highway. He looked over at Drew, asleep beside him, and was nearly overcome with a maelstrom of emotions. Pride, first and foremost, not only for the boy's successes, but even more importantly for the honorable character and loving nature he so easily displays toward others. That pride, however, is tinged with a great deal of concern for the boy's future. Here he sits, thirteen years old, a dual National Champion, and yet to look at him, you'd be more likely to take him for a weakling, if you happened to think he was a boy at all.

That's the other thing; it would be hard enough if he just looked a little girlish, but on top of that, it seems he's constantly being “persuaded” to dress accordingly. Oh, he puts up a token protest to begin with, but soon gives in and so easily takes on the personality of a teen girl that it quickly becomes difficult to see a boy there at all. And it seems to get easier to talk him into it each and every time it happens. He doesn't seem all that inclined to start these episodes on his own, as far as I know, but it certainly doesn't take long for Maddy or one of his other friends to get him in a skirt. You would think that by now he would have learned to pack an extra change of clothes when he was going to be out for any extended period of time, wouldn't you? How many times has he been “forced” to borrow girls' clothes because he forgot to bring a change for after a race, or because of some accident when out away from home for a day?

I wonder what all that the doctor was saying really means? It's certainly unusual for a thirteen year old boy to not produce any testosterone, and frankly the doctor seemed fairly concerned, although his hesitancy with starting treatment seemed a bit odd, didn't it? Wait and see, then run a battery of tests. Why not run your tests now, so the situation can be cleared up sooner? It's all very frustrating.

Then there's the part about the iron deficiency. Yes, it's true that many others have similar problems, but it is still a predominantly female condition. The iron tablets do seem to be helping, at least he isn't fainting nearly as much. “…hormonal profile similar to a menstruating female…” the doctor said, or something like that, wasn't it?

Maybe the medical condition explains why he looks so much like a girl, even without really trying. You would swear that Gaby and Maddy were twins, to look at them. Of course, Jen's mum did point out that the women in her family always have all looked very similar. He does look a lot more like Jen than me, and she looks a lot like Maddy's mum Carol. And they all look a bit like Jen's mum, so maybe there's something to that. But that doesn't completely explain Drew, because the men in her family don't look anything like the women, and he looks so much like the women, rather than the men.

___________________________________

“I do so hope all this will get cleared up soon,” Dave said to no one in particular, but then caught himself as Drew began to stir from his nap.

Next thing Dave heard was Drew yawning, “Nearly there?”

“Sorry kiddo, it'll be a bit yet,” he replied. “Why don't you go back to sleep for a bit. It's going to be a long day, and you're going to need all the energy you can get.”

With that, Drew mumbled, “'kay,” and promptly drifted back to sleep.

“How does he do that?” Dave wondered aloud. “That child could sleep through anything.” After a moment or two of silence, he returned to his musings.

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When John suggested accepting the invitation to ride in Liverpool, he said it would be a good ride, plus a chance to give the locals a thrill by showing off the National Champion jersey. Just show up, ride the event, and don't worry about where you place. After all, it's not really a Juniors event even, so he'll be riding against competitors who are older, bigger, stronger, and in some cases at least, more experienced. Really, a good showing is all anyone could reasonably expect of the child. But that's yet another way in which he's just like his mum. “Why race if you don't race to win,” is how she puts it.

So he's been training even harder than normal the last couple of weeks to prepare for this afternoon's event on top of his cyclo-cross training, logging even more miles than usual, and pushing himself to his absolute limit. It's a wonder he doesn't make himself sick sometimes. And this morning, he tells me as he got into the camper, “I think I've got a good shot at it today. I feel good. I feel ready.”

________________________________

As his thoughts ran over all of this yet again, Dave couldn't help by feel those strong emotions one more time.

_______________________________

Drew dreams of one day winning the Tour, but will that really be possible? If it turns out this whole hormone thing isn't going to clear itself up, what do we do? Would they even let him race if he's taking hormone replacement therapy? And if they don't, what are the chances he'll actually be able to keep up with all those other boys whose bodies are already ballooning from their pubescent hormone surges? Without it, will he continue to be basically a prepubescent boy, or given his hormone profile, will he start taking on more of the appearance of a girl? He's already easily the smallest rider in his age classification. At some point, he might not be able to compensate for all those deficiencies with technique and tactics. Sometimes it's simply a matter of power, and without the extra muscle mass his competitors are developing, the day is fast approaching when he may not be able to keep up.

If Drew's hormones are more like a girl's, does that mean he might start looking even more like a girl than he does already? I mean, those hormones are what cause girls to develop breasts, and he's already got a bit of that shape, in his hips, bum, shoulders…almost everywhere really. He doesn't even have to try for people to think of him as Gaby. They stop him all the time, referring to him as such, even when he's just standing there in a t-shirt and jeans. It's only those who know him as Drew who see him as such. When he's made up as Gaby, she positively stops traffic. Absolutely gorgeous is probably the best way to put it, to tell the truth. From what I understand, there are boys who fancy Gaby, and frankly who can blame them? But wait, that's my son we're talking about!

_______________________________

“Okay kiddo, we're nearly there. You'd probably best start waking up,” I said out loud, breaking the silence that's been facilitating these musings. “Did you remember to take your iron tablets this morning?”

“Yeah, shouldn't have any problems today.”

“Good, it wouldn't do for our champion to pass out during the race, now would it? Now, where's that check-in?” As he looks around for their destination, Dave looks over at the stretching figure that is his son, and all those emotions that have been warring within him this morning well up and manifest themselves as a single tear begins to well up in his eye. “Here we are, kiddo. I'll get the bike ready, you get changed, alright?”

With that Dave climbs out of the camper, while Drew slips into the back to get into his skins. In moments, he's checking brake cables, tire pressures, and slipping a dab of oil on the chain, just to be sure. When Drew makes his appearance from the back of the camper, he asks, “Everything okay?”

“Seems to be, son.”

“Okay, I'll just take it out for a little warm up spin, then.” And with that, Drew pedals off, leaving Dave to once again marinate in his thoughts. It doesn't take him long to find himself right back where he left off.

“Unflappable,” the single word escapes his mouth before he even realizes he's speaking. He then watches as Drew sets off for a bit of a leg stretch.

_______________________________

How can he do that? Go from being asleep to this lionhearted competitor in mere seconds? It's not really that surprising though, when you really think about, is it? Just one more way in which he's just like his mum.

Now there's a sore subject. What the heck is really going on with her? Before the contract to ride professionally, we were happy, weren't we? I certainly thought so. I still believed that as recently as a few weeks ago even. And yet, she drops this bomb on us about leaving us for some guy she's met in Germany? I just don't get it. How can she throw away all those years we were happy together? Is it possible I didn't know her as well as I thought I did all this time?

__________________________________

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you view things, Dave's emotional wanderings are again interrupted by Drew's return. “Dad, can you take a look at the linkage for the front shifter? It's really sluggish when I try to get it to change to the big ring.”

“Sure, let's have a look,” and with that, Dave slips back into bike mechanic mode. After a brief examination and a quick adjustment to the cable, he pronounces everything tip top once again as the wunderkind goes through his pre-race stretching routine.

____________________________________

He even copies her warm-up routines, stretch for stretch. I don't suppose that should be any surprise though, should it? Everything the child knows about his sport, he learned from her, so why wouldn't he use the same routine? If it's good enough for her, well…okay, I need to stop this right now. Can't be going about getting all maudlin standing here waiting for the race to start, can I? I mean, what good would that do anyone? None whatsoever, that's what.

____________________________________

“Participants report to the start please,” comes blaring from the public address system's speakers, and Drew retrieves his bike from his father and heads for the start.

“Good luck, son.”

“Thanks Dad.”

____________________________________

I wish I could figure out a way to communicate with that child more. It seems as if whenever we're together, he's either sleeping or preparing for some bike thing, and talking with the old man isn't exactly anywhere near the top of the to-do list. I guess that's teenagers for you, eh? He's such a contradiction. Confident, yet shy at the same time, not unlike the physical contradictions the child presents. Drew is all boy, and yet at the same time he seems more like Gaby a lot of the time than he does Drew. It's not intentional or anything like that, which is probably why appearing as Gaby comes so naturally to him. It doesn't seem to take any effort at all for others to see Gaby, but Drew requires so much effort on his part just to be noticed as a boy. And even then, it's hit and miss at best, as if Drew is the put on act that he doesn't do very well.

___________________________________

“Best head over to the start,” he muttered, and with that Dave was walking toward the start line for the race. “It's a bigger field than I expected. Hope he'll be alright.”

___________________________________

There's really nothing to worry about though, is there. Some people just have a gift for certain things, and Drew's is cycling. Any other sport he's tried, he's average at best, but put the child on two wheels, and he becomes a real force to be reckoned with. He'll do well today, he always does. What other racers have to think about just comes as instinct to this one. There they go, let's see it's five laps, isn't it? It'll be interesting to see where he is when they complete the first lap.

I shouldn't have left Juliet at home today. Of course, dragging her to today's race would have presented it's own set of problems, wouldn't it? She was really getting rolling with this whole teen rebellion thing even before their mum dropped her little bombshell on us. Since then, well, she's really been something. I wish I knew what to do to help her deal with all this, but I really have no idea where to even begin. I know Carol's been trying to help, but she's always been so much closer with Drew than Juliet. I guess that's understandable, isn't it? As if it weren't enough that Drew and Maddy are thick as thieves and practically identical twins, their little romance has if anything made them even closer, so Carol naturally is going to be closer to Drew. But she has been a big help so far with Jules. Not that that young lady is doing much to cooperate with us of late.

Here they come. We I'll be, he's hanging in there with the older riders without even looking like he's working that hard.

_______________________________

“Come on Drew, keep going!”

________________________________

I guess the real test will be further into the race, if he can keep up with the stronger riders.

It seems like both of the kids have been trying to hold in a lot of anger since Jen's phone call, and I have to admit I don't blame them. It hit us all as a shock. I still don't understand what's going on with her. Obviously if she was really that unhappy before, you would have thought I'd have noticed, wouldn't you? I kind of had an inkling something wasn't right when she was home for those charity events, but that was the first clue that anything was wrong, and the truth is this was the furthest thing from my mind. I just thought she was feeling a little under the weather, tired from all the travel and work or something. Guess I have to assume that I don't know her half as well as I thought, but I even now can't shake the feeling she's not telling us everything. There's more going on than her having a new man in her life, I'm sure of it. I don't know why I'm so sure, but I am.

I just hope all this doesn't hurt the kids too much. Jules is so angry, she may not ever be able to forgive her mother for this. And Drew, my goodness, the sun rises and sets by what his mother does and says. How is this going to affect him? To top it all off, with all his racing commitments, I'm not really sure how I'm going to be able to give them both the time and attention they deserve. I don't want to short either of them, but Drew, because of all the travel on weekends, just requires much more of my time. I hope I don't wind up alienating Juliet in the process.

All that anger. I truly believe that, if it had been an available option to her, Juliet might have seriously tried to hurt her mother physically when Jen called to tell us about her new friend. Drew was hurt, but Jules was just plain mad. I hope she can manage to open up to me soon, if not me then someone…Carol, her Gran, someone. If she doesn't, I'm afraid of what she might do.

Two laps in, and that child is still right there with the big boys. Though I must say, he's starting to look as if it's taking a bit of effort. He won't quit, that for sure. You know, now I think about it, I don't think his mum has ever seen him race. Strange, huh? He's practically worshipped her his entire life, strived to be just like her, and she's never watched one of his races. I realize that there were a lot of reasons for that. She would often ride on the same day, and would take the time during Drew's races to spend some time with Juliet, but it never dawned on me that she was missing this. I wonder if that thought's ever occurred to him? Is that part of the motivation? If he does well enough, maybe she'll come watch him one day? I never thought about it like that before. With all that's happening now, will he lose interest in racing? I do hope not, because he has such a talent for it. An absolute natural.

If I can't get this worked out with Juliet, maybe her Gran would like to take a crack at it. They have their half term break coming up; she could maybe go up for a visit, just the two of them, try and work out a little of that anger. Maybe I should make a call to see if that's a possibility.

Of course, I must admit that I understand where that anger is coming from. I've even felt overcome by it a time or two myself the last few days. Oh Jen, why? Have I not been supportive enough? Or am I just not exciting? I've loved you with every fiber of my being for longer than I can remember, and I thought it was a two way street, but now I just don't know anymore. I mean, even after all this I still love you. Will you ever come back? Will we ever be a family again?

What on Earth does that boy think he's doing? Past the halfway point, and he's actually leading the race? Amazing! He is looking a bit worse for wear at this point, though. I hope he doesn't make himself pass out again. That child just doesn't understand that a bike race isn't worth nearly killing yourself over. He doesn't seem able to hold anything back, like he needs to go full steam every second. That determination is what's going to carry him through his life's endeavors, as long as he doesn't let our family problems take too much out of him.

Even here, the whole Drew/Gaby thing is rising up. Half the crowd keeps referring to “that young girl riding with the men up the front”. In racing skins, pedaling away for all he's worth, they still see Gaby. Why is that? He doesn't have breasts or anything, he's not wearing makeup or have his hair done up in a feminine style, so what is it they see that makes them think that? Is it just that his hips and bum look a bit girlish, or is there something more? Something I'm missing? Maybe I should take a more objective look sometime.

If their Gran agrees to have Juliet visit over break, I'll have to talk to Frank about taking an afternoon off to run her up there. Things have been quite busy at the mill, and it may be difficult to arrange, although at least for the most part there isn't nearly as much travel involved with the cyclo-cross schedule, and days like today aren't going to be commonplace for a while, at least. So hopefully, we'll be able to work something out. I'm not sure how we'd make it if it weren't for Frank. He's been great to me, allowing me to juggle schedules when necessary to take care of family things. I just hate to ask too often, or he may become less willing to help. I'd hate to do anything to that friendship.

It's odd, most of the people I count as friends now, except for Frank, I'm only acquainted with really through Jen. Does that mean with things changing, they'll be forced to choose sides? And who's side would they choose? I don't know what to expect from anyone at the moment. I don't think Carol or John would abandon us, at least, because they're so close to Drew, but other than them, I really don't know what's going to happen with anyone.

Wow, they're coming around again already. I'm really having trouble with losing track of time today. I don't see him…no wait, there is the wunderkind, right on the leader's wheel. I don't know if he's going to have the energy for the final push at the end of this final lap, but I have no doubt that he'll try. Oh my, he's looking a bit ragged.

__________________________

“Keep going, son!”

__________________________

I do wonder what Juliet's got up to? Let's see, it's nearly 11, for all I know, she may still be lolling about in bed. I wouldn't put it past her, and given everything that's gone on, I don't know that I'd blame her too much either. Lord knows, the last thing I felt like doing this morning was driving to Liverpool for a bike race. If it hadn't been for this trip this morning, I might have taken John up on his offer last night of drowning my sorrows down at the pub. Not exactly grown up behavior, I know, but sorely tempting nonetheless.

Caroline was, well, Caroline the other day. Seems she thinks I need some mothering after all that's happened. Not that I mind, really. She's always been brilliant to us, and I've no doubt that we're going to need all the friends we can get in order to get through this. I should try to remember to call her again some time this week.

Oh my, that's almost funny. Those people standing over there talking about Drew; “I thought this was a men's race. What's that young girl doing riding with them? I must admit, she's quite good.” Even knowing this is a men's race, they still seem to think of Drew as a girl! I hope that doctor figures out what the problem is soon, so he can fix it and my boy can get on with his life.

They should be coming round toward the finish soon. Yes, there they are, just coming into sight. Best get over to the line, if things go like usual of late, Drew may need someone to catch him when he falls off. No one will ever accuse that child of not giving his all, that's for certain. I don't think even the wunderkind is going to be able to pull this one off, but it's definitely looking to be a good finish. And the champion jersey made it's appearance, so the organizers got what they wanted.

_________________________________

“Come on, Drew!” Dave was yelling for all he was worth as he watched his son make one last push in an attempt to take the win. It was a close finish, with the winner being declared by a tire width, and young Bond finishing a wheel behind in third. As he crossed the line, Dave caught him and his steed as the wunderkind collapsed from exhaustion, totally spent from the effort.

_______________________________

Did I really expect anything less? The child only know one way to do things, that's all out. It was an outstanding ride, but I'd be willing to bet a week's salary he'll be upset with himself for not winning.

______________________________

Drew begins to open his eyes to find himself once again being cradled by his father. “Hey, kiddo. We've got to stop meeting like this.”

“Yeah, it's getting a bit embarrassing not being able to remember the end of races.”

“Feeling a bit better? Why don't we get you back over to the camper. Once you get to feeling a bit better, you can get cleaned up and changed. I'll get the bike squared away.”

“Thanks dad.”

_______________________________

Good, I think he'll be alright. At least I don't think it wasn't the iron deficiency thing that cause him to pass this time. I think he just simply wore himself out trying to take the flag. Just like his mum.

Now, let's not go there again. I have to keep it together for the kids. If they see me falling apart, that'll make things even worse for them, and I won't have that. Their lives must maintain as much normalcy as possible, under the circumstances. Otherwise…I don't want to think about otherwise.

I wonder if Carol has checked on Juliet yet? No, I won't call to find out, I trust Carol, she's family, and I trust my daughter that she knows how to behave. Calling to check up on her like that would be like telling her I don't trust her, and she needs to know that I do trust her right now. Drew can give her a call on the way back to let her know how things went. That way we check up on her without checking up on her. Sneaky, but effective.

Okay, the bike is secured, now let's see if our young champion is feeling recovered.

__________________________

Dave knocks on the camper door, “Drew, you changed yet? They want you for the presentation.”

“Be out in a moment.”

A minute later, Dave hears a pained, “NO!” coming from inside the camper. He knocks again, and this time, the door creaks open to reveal not Drew, but Gaby exiting the back. Dave takes one look and says, “Let me guess.”

“Mad was helping me get my things together for today last night, and I guess this is what she packed for after the race.”

“Why am I not surprised? Well come on then, Gaby. Your presence is requested on the podium.”

“Do I have to?”

“Well, it's not like it's the first time you've done an awards presentation in a skirt, is it?”

“No, I suppose you're right about that one.”

“Okay, let's get a move on then. They're waiting.”

Jillian 21.06.06 © 2006
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