Hostess With The Mostest
Part 6

"I've got a bone to pick with you!" I told Julia when she called thirty minutes later.

"What have I done?"

"Don't come the innocent with me, you spoke to Ingrid on Sunday before I got here"

"Oh that"

"Yes 'oh that'" I stated

"Sorry Chris, I just thought she ought to know"

"Well it was a bit of a surprise when she told me" my mind wandered back to my arrival,

'"Ingrid, it seems there has been a change of plan and Chris bottled out" what was Den up to?

"Such a shame Den, I was sure we'd have some fun"

I was obviously not paying attention on Sunday.

"Anyway what's up girlfriend?" Julia chirped

"How long have you got?"

"That much huh?"

"That much. Lets see now." I started to tell her all about the last couple of days.

"...and so I ended up buying them."

"I think you're enjoying this" Julia chuckled

"Well I admit it's not as bad as I thought, the skirts and stuff take some getting used to but it's not so bad."

"What about the punters? They are the reason for all this" she mentioned

"It's been a while since I've had a coach load that are this friendly, it looks like you might be right."

"Maybe" she allowed, "what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Tratzberg and the glass place"

"They'll enjoy that"

"Yeah it's a good trip, not much for me and Den to do either. What about you?"


"Romeo, Romeo where for art though, Romeo" I mocked down the phone

"You may mock, your time will come"

"I think it already has"

I hadn't been idle while we talked, I was just about dressed, the black skirt and a dark red top, I decided to wear the new shoes but they'd have to wait until we finished on the phone, there is no way to put on tights with one hand!

"I'll give you a call tomorrow then, you off gallivanting tonight?"

"Maybe, Ingrid did mention something but I wasn't really listening"

"Well take care Chris, g'night"

"Night Julia"

I finished dressing and did the makeup thing. It felt weird putting on the new lipstick that I'd bought, like a step too far somehow. Be-hosed and shod in my new shoes I made my way down to meet Den for dinner. I hadn't bargained on the change to my walk the higher heels would require, shorter steps and more deliberate toe-heel placement, oh and I could feel a distinct wiggle of my posterior too!

"There you are" Den stated

"Yes here I am" I agreed

"Ingrid said you two were off out tonight?"

"She was rattling about something earlier"

"I reckon you're enjoying all this"

"Julia just said the same thing"

"Well are we right then?"

"Not how you mean, oh I don't know. I suppose enjoy is the wrong word, it's more like, well I feel more relaxed today."

"Well you certainly seemed happy enough earlier in that dress shop"

"It's strange really Den," I checked to make sure no one could overhear us, "if I get dragged into a dress shop as Chris I get all uncomfortable, I feel like all the women are looking at me, sort of like I'm trespassing."

"I can go with that" Den agreed, "I felt like that today"

"I think it's because they're uncomfortable with you being there too. But they expect women and act accordingly, you know?"

"And looking like you do all they see is woman and that makes them relaxed which makes you relax!"

"That's about it! Not that I was that relaxed, especially in that changing cubicle"

"Well I have to admit you've got bottle" he stated

"I'll take that as a compliment. Are we eating? It's gnocchi tonight"

We checked on the passengers before going for our own food, that was a mistake, I couldn't get away for fifteen minutes and I was starving! The gnocchi was excellent in a gorgeous cheese sauce, just as well, dessert was a let down, berry jelly with single cream. We retired to the Stube but before we could get a drink ordered Ingrid came through.

"You ready then Nena?"


"The party? I told you earlier"

"Oh yeah"

"You don't mind me stealing her again do you Den?"

"Far be it for me to disrupt your social life! I'll keep the passengers company"

"Come on then, we'll take my car" she advised.

If she was driving, at least we won't be drinking too much, I hoped. After giving Den a resigned look I followed Ingrid out into the car park and over to her car.

"New car Ingrid?" I admired the little yellow and silver Smart.

"My mother said she would get me a new car for my birthday. 'What do you want?' she says" Ingrid slipped into her native tongue as she opened the door. "'Ich möchte eine klein Auto erst' I said to her, she wanted to buy me a Sharan. What would I do with one of those? So she turns up with this."

"It's a nice car Ingrid"

"Especially for free!" she chuckled as we belted up.

"Where are we going?" I asked

"I didn't think you were listening earlier. To my sisters house, just down in Scharnitz"

"Your sister?"

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Er nothing. Does, er did you?"

"Of course not, I just said I was bringing a girlfriend over"

We rumbled over the railway lines and the little car soon had us heading north towards the German border. It's only about ten kilometres so it wasn't long before Ingrid turned us into a side road and in a matter of metres into a driveway.

"I'm not sure about this" I mentioned

"Oh come on, Anja won't bite"

I climbed out of the car and waited for Ingrid to lock up.

"Come on" she directed, leading the way up the steps to the front door.

'Ding Dong!'

I could hear voices inside then the hall light came on.

"Ingrid!" a woman a bit older and heavier than my friend gave her a hug

"Hi anja, this is Nena. Nena meet my big sister Anja"

"Less of the big, squirt! Oh hello Nena, Ingrid said she was bringing someone."

"Er hi" I managed

"Come, come" Anja motioned us inside, "go through to the kitchen Ingrid"

I followed Ingrid who immediately went to put the kettle on. Anja didn't follow straight away; I heard her go into another room and the voices murmured for a moment before she came through to join us.

"Johann says hi, he's glued to the football"

"Who's playing?" Ingrid asked

"München and Köln I think, have a seat Nena"

The conversation was to me a bloke, bizarre! Anja served up coffee and strüdel, well you know I'm a sucker for cake! I don't know how the conversation got there, I didn't follow all of it but there it was! The two sisters were discussing boob size!

"You ever fancied a boob job Nena?" Anja asked

"Er, I can't say that I've really given it any thought"

"My Johann, he's a big tit man." She stated, "he kept saying 'anja I will buy you big breasts', I told him back, 'no you want to buy you big titties'" Ingrid burst into laughter, I couldn't help a smirk my self. Anja went on,

"So one day up in München I saw these enhancers in the Karstadt so I thought I would have some fun. When I got home, I put them in my BH and waited for Johann to get home. Hey I looked impressive!" she imitated holding two huge breasts in front of her, "well Johann, he was in heaven, he never mentioned it again but every once in a while I give him the treat eh!" she winked.

"Could we borrow them?" Ingrid asked her sister

"I suppose so, what are you cooking up sis?"

"Well, Nena is a little small? Sorry Nena but it's true, we could do the same thing with Den, her fahrer"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea" I mentioned

"Oh come on Nena, live a little" Ingrid cajoled

That's how I ended up in Anja's bathroom with Ingrid arranging my wares! I have to admit, when she'd done I looked a darn site more woman. I'm not sure what Ingrid did but my Kleenex boobs were replaced by Anja's breast forms and with a bit of tugging at my chest my bra was supporting a veritable 'chest of delights'!

"Oh Nena, you look brilliant" Anja stated

"I feel daft"

"Well you don't look daft" Ingrid told me

"You must do it Nena, Ingrid you tell me what happens eh?" Anja enthused

"I can't wait!" Ingrid enthused

It seemed daft to take them out to go back to the hotel so I wore my 'new' breasts the rest of the evening. It was a little after eleven when we bade goodbye to Anja, Johann managed a muffled 'teuss' from the living room and we set off back towards Seefeld. With the seat belt on my 'improved' chest really stood out, I was glad that there was no one to see me.

Den wasn't in the Stube when we got back so I went straight up to my room promising to find Ingrid before going into breakfast. What a strange day! It's a dead cert. that Chris's day would have been somewhat different, certainly no dress shopping and I can't see Ingrid taking Chris round to her sisters for a natter!

"In the office" Ingrid hissed when she spotted me.

"I don't know what you did last night but I can't get these things to look very good at all" I moaned, "can't we just forget it?"

"No way! Pop your top off and I'll sort it out"

Five minutes later chesty Nena emerged just in time to catch the Stubbings going into breakfast.

"Morning Nena" Mr Stubbings greeted me

"Morning" I replied

"New bra eh?" Mrs Stubbings whispered

"Er yes" god it's that obvious! How did I get talked into this? Looking at my reflection in the window glass I could see that Ingrid had somehow given me not just a bigger bust line but cleavage too.

"Here he comes" Ingrid hissed at me

"Morning you two" Den mentioned, "have a nice evening?"

"Yes we went to my sister's in Scharnitz" Ingrid told him.

Den had obviously spotted my enhanced assets; his eyes kept finding my boobs.

"Do you like them?" I asked

"Eh?" Den brought his attention upwards

"Do you like my breasts?"

"I, er, what are you two up to?"

"We thought you'd like them" Ingrid stated

"What have you done?" he enquired

"We've just helped nature a bit" she answered

"Come on let's get breakfast, then I'll lose these before we go out"

"Er okay" Den agreed

Things of course never go as planned; there was some confusion over our departure time so I didn't have time to do anything with my chest.

"Good morning everyone" I started as we pulled onto the road, a chorus of happy 'mornings' returned.

"Sorry about the mix up this morning. Today we are going first to the glass town of Rattenburg then this afternoon we will visit the Castle Tratzberg."

I waited until we were past the steepest bit of the descent before I started my walk up the bus, although the women treated me much the same as they had done previously. It was the men who treated me differently, well lets put it another way, they were paying attention. Bum I'm stuck like this for the day, I realised.

We picked up the autobahn and once again passed Innsbruck. Today our passengers were due some added 'extras' and the first one came up just ten minutes after leaving the Tirol's capital behind. Den pulled off the motorway into the rest area at Volders.

"We're running a bit early (intentionally!) So we thought you might enjoy a stop here. Just through the trees is the Karlskirche, which we think you will enjoy. Please be careful as you cross the roadway. We have here thirty minutes." Everyone piled off and I took the opportunity to sit for a minute.

"Looks like another hot one" Den mentioned

"Yeah, I'm glad I put on a shorter skirt today, that long one was okay yesterday but in the heat." I left the comment unfinished. "Cuppa?"


I made our drinks, determined to get it hot this morning!

"So what's the story with you know?" Den comically did the handful of breast's mime.

"It's a long story, Anja, Ingrid's sister, told us about buying these enhancer things and Ingrid thought it would be fun to see your reaction."

"And was it?" he asked

"Embarrassing really and all the male passengers have been looking at my chest rather than my face this morning."

"I guess we do it subconsciously" Den agreed

"Yeah well" I mumbled

I suppose I'd better tell you why we had stopped at a random roadside church. Well apart from being easily accessible it is exquisitely decorated with frescoes and statuary. It is actually the church of the nearby monastery and even if you are not a churchy person like me, you can't help but be impressed by the ceilings and other decorations. The interior maybe a bit gaudy maybe, but the exterior is much simpler.

"Very nice" Mr Stubbings mentioned looking at my chest which earnt him a slap from his missus.

"Not my taste but very pretty" Mrs Stubbings added

The rest of the passengers made their way back via the lav's; there was nowhere to lose anyone so after a quick head count we rejoined the autobahn. We left the motorway at Wattens and used the old road along through Schwaz, another timing exercise! I used this leg to do a drinks round and had barely finished when we arrived in Rattenberg a bit after eleven.

"We are here until one thirty, I suggest you get some lunch while we are here, there are plenty of, restaurant? yes restaurant und café. The Glasswerke Museum is at the end of the parkplatz and there is a Gallery at the other end of the town"

Once the punters were away I started organising myself.

Den shook his head.

"Come back Chris, all is forgiven!"

"What're you on about?"

"It's taking you as long as the girls do to get ready"

I pouted back.

Having a bit more choice of footwear, I'd elected to wear my slingbacks this morning, they're comfortable, won't leave strappy tan lines and I, er sort of quite like them. We took a slow stroll down through the pedestrianised main street down to our preferred bar cum restaurant. The Tagesmenü is usually a good bet here, two courses for just eight and a half Euro's. Today it was gulash soup followed by roast beef, mash and red cabbage, maybe not Michelin three star but good enough for us! We took our time eating, then sipping cold drinks, sat out in the street watching the world go by.

We finally started back to the bus, picking up ice cream on the way. In all the time I've been working as a host I've never had a group of passengers where they are all punctual. There's always one or two who are always late, you learn to compensate in your timings but it's damn annoying. I'm not saying it was because I'm 'a girl' this week but this lot have not been late once! I'm not complaining, if tardiness annoys me, it annoys the other passengers too, which has a knock on effect. On that note everyone was back at the coach before one thirty.

Its not far back along to the castle so in little more than thirty minutes we were parking at the foot of the mountainside on which Tratzberg sits.

"Your attention please" I started, waiting for some quiet before continuing, "we are booked in for our visit so please keep together. If you make your way up the slope and through the gates, the train will fetch us? Take us up to the castle."

They all left the bus and started up the roadway, Den and I followed shortly after and joined them just as the little diesel tourist train, the Tratzberg Express, pulled around to pick us up. After a quick check that everyone was still with us I got on board myself for the ten minute drive up through the woods to the seat of the Enzenberg family. Anyone expecting a 'traditional' castle with moats and towers would be disappointed here, Tratzberg is more of a fortified stately home.

Being in charge of our party, I went straight into the shop cum ticket office.

"Güten abend, I have the Global party, we have a booking"

The assistant checked her diary to confirm the booking.

"Ah yes, you have how many persons?"

"Twenty five plus myself and the chauffeur"

I paid for the visit and was about to return to my charges when the other woman in the shop came over to me.

"Excuse me fraulein could I have a word, you speak German?"

"Er yes of course"

Swapping into German she called to her colleague, "Maria, can you sort them out with the commentary"


"I'm Katrin Enzenberg"

"The Gräfin?" I asked

"Yes but we don't stand on ceremony here, just call me Katrin. Well anyway er?"

"Nena Ziegler" I offered

"Welcome Nena, well I was wondering if you could help us out?"

"If I can" I offered

The Gräfin went on, "you have been here before?" I nodded, then she continued, "you know we have staff explaining some of the rooms?"


"Well Susannah has been taken ill this morning, do you think you could stand in for us, just for your groups tour?"

"I er, I don't know the information"

"Don't worry about that we use a little earpiece and tape to remind us, no one remembers everything!" Katrin explained

Then it occurred to me.

"You want me to wear a costume?" oh boy, this is turning into a nightmare!

"If you will do it, you will fit in Susannah's dress with a little bit of luck."

I was sort of backed into a corner, what excuse could I use?

"You know you want to Nena" the countess cajoled

That couldn't be further from the truth but not seeing a way out I nodded my agreement.

"Wunderbar, lets go get you changed"

"I just need to tell the driver I'll not be joining them"


I went back out to where the passengers and Den were waiting; now equipped with the audio systems.

"Hello everyone" I called, "your tour will begin in about five minutes, something has come up so I won't be joining you, I'll see you afterwards." There was a bit of mumbling and Den came over.

"What's up?"

"Nothing really, I've been asked to help with something that's all, you'll find out later"

"Okay then"

"I've been around before Den" I mentioned

"Well I guess we'll see you later then"

"Yeah" sooner than you think!

Katrin was waiting for me and she was soon leading me up to the next level where the offices and stuff reside.

"Thank you so much for this, Nena, I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself, ah here we are" she led the way into a small room that was obviously used as a changing room.

"Here we are" she took a hanger down from a rail and relocated it on a more convenient hook. "Can you manage the dress, it has a long zip" she confided

"I er think so" I answered looking at the voluminous velvet and silk garment.

"Okay then, I'll be back in a few minutes to do your hair. Thanks again Nena" with that she left me alone.

Oh boy, what a mess! I did a quick survey of the costume; it came complete with all the necessary underpinnings so with heavy heart I stripped down to my underwear. Thankfully the corset thing laced at the front and it seems that the absent Susannah is a little 'thicker' in the waist than I am as it closed easily. However there was no way the dress would close without it, for once I was thankful that I'm pretty slim! The stockings were thick white cotton and used a sort of drawcord around the top so that was easy, now it was time for the dress! I was still struggling with the zip when Katrin returned.

"Here let me" she quickly pulled the zip up then closed the buttons over it, I thought they were just decoration. She fussed with the heavy frock for a bit then satisfied bade me sit. Ten minutes later I was ready for my first and only performance as Anna Ilsung of Tratzberg, wife of Jakob Fugger, late sixteenth century incumbents of the castle.

Sheesh this lot's heavy, it's a good job the castle remains pretty cool, in this heat and costume, well I didn't want to go there. As I followed the Gräfin around to the public rooms, the new sensations of the heavy garments, restrictive underwear and just as strange, the heavy pendant earrings that Katrin had clipped to each lobe. I could hear the tour approaching a couple of rooms away. Was I nervous!

"Thanks again Nena, you look brilliant" she patted my arm as I tried to remember what I was supposed to do. I had two rooms to explain, the Ladies Parlour and the Queens Room following on from the famous painted walls of the Hapsburg Hall.

Photo of Ladies Parlour © Tratzberg Castle

The door opened and the tour party filed into the bedchamber.

"Welcome, welcome. My name is Anna Ilsung von Tratzberg"

I'm sure one or two had recognised me already but my opening statement alerted the less observant.

"It's Nena off the coach"

"So that's where she went"

Well you get the gist. I spotted Den who's jaw was on the floor, I gave him a quick look of resignation before going on with my presentation. I quickly had their attention and I think I got most of it in. through into the second room and part two went pretty well too although I was thankful for the earpiece and even more thankful when ten minutes later it was over.

"You're a natural, Nena. I was listening from next door." Katrin advised a moment later, "if you ever want a job let me know."

"I think I'll stick to what I'm doing thanks"

"Well if you change your mind" she offered, "lets get you changed"

To avoid the tour party we had to take the long way round, boy was I finding out that wearing this stuff is not easy. Here I am, Chris Hornby, tour host, tripping through a Tirolean castle holding my skirts up so I don't trip following a countess! At least it'll be something to tell the grand children! We had to go through the shop, a French party were totally gobsmacked as we passed through, you could hear their comments and the Gräfin obviously did too.

"Er Nena" she started once we were out of the public area, "I don't suppose you'd do me a huge favour. I know you are working but if I can square it would you do the rest of the afternoon tours? I'll pay you."

"I'm not sure, er the driver, Dennis, he has the final say" I hedged praying that he would get me out of this fix.

"Get yourself a coffee, I'll go find your driver" Katrin suggested.

She was gone about ten minutes; it's not like I could start undressing with all those buttons over the zip.

"He has agreed, you can stay the afternoon, I will get someone to drive you back to Seefeld later, you have a Heimat evening, yes"

"Yes, nine o'clock after dinner" I agreed, feeling let down by Den and probably more frightened of discovery than at anytime since this whole charade started.

"Well we'll have you back well before then. Thank you so much Nena" she mentioned, giving me a quick hug.

Come six o'clock when the last visitors had departed I joined the rest of the staff for a, by now, well earnt coffee. Despite what I was wearing, my improved bosom and the heat of the day by the time the last group went through I was sort of enjoying myself.

"Lets get you changed, then we can join the others for dinner before getting you back to your passengers eh!" Katrin suggested

"Thank you, I've enjoyed it today"

"Well that offer's still there!"

Maria came with me to the changing room and helped me out of the dress.

"Are you okay with the rest?" she asked

"Yes thanks Maria, er where are my clothes?"

"I'll go ask Katrin where she put them" Maria offered


A couple of minutes later Katrin came in

"Oh sorry Nena, you put them with your bag?" I nodded, "in that instance your driver took them. Don't worry, I'll find something for you to wear"

I sat and cursed Dennis while I waited.

"Here we go," Katrin mentioned a few minutes later.

Well it wasn't what I would have picked given the choice; there again I would have picked jeans and a t-shirt. Ever felt overdressed? As I joined the castle staff for dinner I was wearing the twenty first-century variant of Tirolean costume. A full, ankle length skirt in russet silk wasn't too bad, the plunging square necked blouse that accentuated my bust, was almost too much but somehow all you could see was me.

After a fairly simple meal, Maria was volunteered to drive me back to Seefeld.

"Thanks Nena, here's your pay"

"Thanks Katrin"

"And don't worry about what you're wearing, hang onto them, you've been a star today, Susannah had best watch out!"

Maria tooted the Mercedes' horn, so I left the Gräfin and joined Maria in the car.



Maddy Bell 08.02.04 © 2004

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