They left the bike shop, with Drew still full of his ride. “Have you actually signed anything with Specialized?” asked Carol.

“Not as far as I know. I mean, I can't can I, I'm not a girl?” said Drew shrugging his shoulders.

“If you win this race tomorrow, it could put you under a lot of pressure.”

“You trying to put me off?”

“Not at all, besides which it would be a waste of time. You always go to win. I'm just saying it would put you under pressure.”

“I know that, but I won't sign because I can't. It's nice to borrow such a lovely bike, which if I do well, will get both Specialized and Matt and Tim's shop some good publicity. Gaby will disappear when I get home.”

“Until the next time.” Quipped Carol.

“There won't be a next time.” Said Drew quite firmly.

“Sorry kiddo, but I have heard you say that before, and here you are again.”

“I really mean it this time.”

“Okay, but don't do anything too drastic with your Gaby stuff, just in case.”

“I'll see.”

“Have you spoken to your mother about her seeming to encourage the sponsorship deal?”

“I don't need to. She has suffered at the hands of various companies who promised sponsorship but didn't deliver. She was having a bit of fun with them.”

“Are you sure?”

“I think so.”

“So you won't mind if I check with her?”

“Feel free. Look Auntie Carol, I'm not a girl so I can't accept this contract. It would be nice to be offered one, but I can't sign it unless I have a sex change. I think I'd like to keep my dangly bits.”

“Okay, but I'm a bit uneasy about messing these people about, they can make things difficult if they find out.”

“What are they gonna do, expose me? That would make them appear even more stupid.”

“Would Drew like everyone to know how much time he spent in skirts? Would your friends at school find it funny or think you were gay or something?”

“Do you think a company the size of Specialized would be interested in settling a score with small fry like me?”

“Not as such, but if it got into the press, it would make local news. Life could get very difficult for Drew.”

“So you want me to lose tomorrow?”

“No, that isn't what I'm saying at all. I'm simply saying, that if you win, there might be consequences.”

“Yeah, yeah. I gotta win first, and that is unlikely. All I want to do is beat Cheesecake again. As long as he thinks he's been beaten twice by a girl, he'll lose face. Then he might stop bullying people. That's all it's about.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, positive.”

“Okay. Shall we hit the shops?”

“If you want to. I'm just a bit concerned about Maddy. It's not like her to take to her bed.”

“She does sometimes. Every now and again she gets a heavy period and goes to bed with painkillers and a hot water bottle.”

“Why would she put painkillers in a hot water bottle?” he gave her a strange look.

“Oh Gaby, either you are winding me up or sometimes you can be awfully thick.”

Drew pouted in response. “I thought it seemed like a sensible question.”

“She swallows the painkillers. She puts the hot water bottle on her tummy to help relax the muscles, and it encourages blood to the area which helps things too.”

“That's all I wanted to know.” He looked troubled, and for the first time Carol saw the flaws in his female impersonation, but it was still very good. If he continued with his cross dressing, despite his apparent denials, she would have to get Maddy to explain a few basics of biology to him.

They arrived at the shops and Drew brightened up, once Carol suggested he buy something for Maddy. She had bought him a silk top, he was determined to at least equal it.

He led her into Debenhams, because he knew exactly what he wanted but wasn't sure where he'd find it, or even if he'd find it. Carol followed him in astonishment as he headed straight into the lingerie department. She held back to see what would happen next.

Drew approached one of the staff and presumably asked something, because she took him off to a display, where he pointed at something and she picked it up. She held it against him, it was a nightdress. He nodded and she went with him to the till, where he paid for his purchase.

Carol who pretended to be looking at bras, pretended to be unaware he'd bought anything. “Oh, you've bought something?”

“Yes, a present for Maddy.”

“What is it?”

“Wait and see.”

“Huh, be like that young lady.” Said Carol, pretending to sulk, but inside she wanted to giggle.

They mooched around a few more shops, but their earlier conversation and Drew's concern for his cousin meant they really weren't in the mood for shops, so they headed back.

As soon as they arrived, Drew jumped out of the car and rushed up the stairs to Maddy's room. “I bought you a present….. Mad, where are you?”

He rushed back down the stairs, Carol was bringing in the shopping and the cycling gear from the car. “What's the problem?”

“Maddy isn't here.”

“I'm sure she is somewhere.”

They searched high and low, but there was no sign of her. Eventually, they found the note, fixed to the fridge by a magnetic picture of Portland Bill lighthouse.

“ Gone out for a walk with William and Harry. Love Maddy. XXX”

“I thought she was supposed to be ill?” said an exasperated Drew.

“And I thought you were supposed to be concerned for her?”

“Yeah, well I am.”

“She must have felt a bit better and I presume they came around, so she went out.” Surmised Carol.

Drew said nothing, but he could hardly question what seemed very obvious, even to him. He felt a mixture of emotions, part of him wanted to show her the present he'd bought her. Part of him was still having palpitations because she seemed to have disappeared until they found the note.

“I think I'll change and go looking for them on the bike.”

“No Gaby, Matthew said you weren't to ride again until the race.”

“Well as you want me to lose, does it matter?”

“I don't want you to lose at all. I'd love for you to win, especially against the bully boy; but I am concerned that you don't get caught up in what could be seen as a fraud. It would damage your mother's reputation no end.”

“You worry too much, Auntie Carol.” He patted her on the shoulder, and she felt a conflict. Part of her wanted to slap him for being patronising, another part wanted to hug him, to protect him from his own folly. In the end she did neither, asking him to clear up his cycling stuff while she put the kettle on.

They sat and drank their tea in relative silence, but Drew's continual fidgeting showed he was anything but quiet inside.

“What's the matter?” asked Carol.

“Who, like said, anythin' was the matter?” he replied defensively.

“Gaby, I've known you long enough to know when something is bugging you.” She put her arm around the boy-girl's shoulder. “So, are you going tell me….or do I have to…..tickle it out of you?” She tickled his ribs as she said it.

The surprise of the attack caught Drew off guard, and he began to giggle, falling off his chair he lay on the floor helpless with laughter.

“So are you going to tell me, or do you want some more?” said Carol, chuckling mischievously.

“Alright…..alright…I surrender.” Said Drew, trying to get his breath back. He stood up slowly and said, “Oops, I need a wee!” and scampered off to the cloakroom.

When he returned, Maddy was back in the kitchen with Harry and William. “Glad you could come.” Quipped Drew.

“Gabs, we've been up the woods watching a couple of young buzzards. Harry brought his telescope and they are so yummy. I felt I could almost reach out and touch them.”

“Oh!” said Drew, not being quite sure what to say. He felt angry with her. He worried about her half the morning, and the whole time she was up the woods with two boys. One of whom is supposed to be his boyfriend! Then he stopped in midthought…..” No that can't be right. Oh bugger, I know what I mean.”

“You'd have enjoyed it too.” Said Maddy, smiling sweetly at him. “They looked so fluffy………………………...”

“Until the mother brought them a piece of fresh rabbit, then it was all blood and guts!” interrupted Harry, acting like a typical boy.

“Yuch!” said Maddy, cringing, “That bit was horrible. Don't say anymore, Gaby will get upset. We girls don't like the gruesome bits, do we Gabs?”

Drew seemed to pause a microsecond before answering. If he'd seen the animal being killed or cruelly treated, it would upset him. But seeing buzzards tearing up bits of bashed bunny wouldn't have worried him. In fact he might have enjoyed it as a spectacle. But it wasn't Drew who was being asked, it was his alter ego…and that was different.

“No.” he said diffidently. All he wanted to do was give Maddy the present he bought her. He couldn't do that with an audience.

The boys stuck around until Carol mentioned lunch. Normally, Drew would encourage them to sample Carol's culinary skills, today however, he felt in need of some space.

“See you later, then.” Called Maddy as the boys left. “That's alright innit mum?”

“What is, darling?”

“We can go around Harry's after lunch?”

“It's okay with me, but hadn't you better ask Gaby? She may have different plans.”

“Alright Gabs.”

Drew who was speechless, shrugged almost helplessly.

“See you later then. About an hour. Okay, bye.”

Drew wandered into the kitchen. He didn't know what he felt, a sort of mixed up set of feelings. He'd worried about her all morning. Then finds out she has been out with two boys, one of whom is supposed to be his boyfriend. This was where it got a bit confusing. Should he feel jealous because she's been out with his boyfriend, or because Maddy is his girlfriend, and had been out with two boys! Either way, he felt jealous which was a new emotion for him.

Well it wasn't entirely new. He recalled being jealous of the special relationship Jules had with their dad, especially when she was younger. He then thought about the special relationship Jules now had with their mother, both being, like, female. He always seemed to miss out. His mother loved him, but did she love him as much as she did Jules? Did his mother love him more as Gaby, or as Drew? If his mother did love Gaby more, would he be inclined to become Gaby more often? Perhaps altogether.

Wow! This was dangerous territory, but it would solve the problem with Specialized. Drew had no contracts in the offing and he was a national champion, yet Gaby did after winning one race. It didn't make sense.

It wasn't because she was better than everybody else, but because the manufacturer wanted a female rider to market their stuff, and a young one. She was in the right place at the right time, yet because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, he got coffee all over him and then mistaken as a girl.

It was all so silly, all happening as a consequence of one cup of coffee. Drew tried to recall a lesson they'd had in psychology, about some young bloke who'd invented complexes, and synchromesh or something like that.

He shook his head, no. It wasn't a young bloke, his name was Young or something like that…… Jung! That was it, like Jungfrau. He suggested, that was Jung did, that nothing was a coincidence, or was it that everything was a coincidence, or was it meaningful coincidence?

That sounded better, everything was a meaningful coincidence, which he called synchromesh or was it syncopate, anyway it was sinful or something. This would mean that he was meant to be a girl for this period, and perhaps sign up with Specialized, that the coffee wasn't an accident but something that was meant to be, and he was here to meet Harry and teach Cheeseman a lesson, but as a girl, and……. His head was about to explode!

Carol, noticed him deep in thought. She carried on making the lunch a tuna pasta, one of her quick meals. She knew that he was a far deeper thinker than he made out. He would puzzle things and shake them like a terrier. He pretended he was a bit of a lad, but he was sensitive and considerate – more so than Maddy. He sat down at the table, he hadn't spoken for two or three minutes. She let him be. Then as she was collecting the cutlery to lay the table, he suddenly said,” Auntie Carol, do you believe there's a god?”

“My goodness Gaby, don't ask me a difficult question will you?” She paused and he frowned, waiting for her answer. “I don't know, the arguments both for and against seem equally valid. So it's up to us to make up our own mind.”

“Oh.” He said, and frowned some more.

“Jung, said there was.”

“Did he? Well he's entitled to his opinion.”

“You don't think there is ?”

“I don't know Gaby. Why do you ask?” She placed a hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing it.

“Oh it's nothing, just tryin' to understand something.”

“Sometimes it helps to talk to someone, why don't you talk it over with Maddy?”

“No.”

“Oh alright. What about Harry or William? They seem level headed young men.”

“No.”

“Well there's always me, I suppose, but I don't want to influence the outcome. It's for you decide for yourself. But I could listen, if you need me to.”

“Nah, it's okay. It was silly anyway.”

“If you're sure?” Carol felt she had let him down, but also felt she had acted responsibly.

“Yeah, what's for lunch, I'm famished?”

Maddy joined them for lunch after Drew laid the table. He had forgotten about his present. “Did you get your racing skins?” she asked him.

“Yeah, they're cool, red and white.”

“Let's see then!” demanded Maddy.

“After lunch.” Countered Carol. At which point conversation practically ceased to be replaced by sounds of eating.

As soon as they were finished, Maddy again demanded to see the racing kit. Drew sighed, but he was quite happy to wear them again.

“Oh yes,” she said when he emerged from his room, “very striking, but we might have to change your nail polish and lipstick to match.”

Drew's heart sank. He'd just got used to the regime Maddy had created for him, he didn't want to change it. Then he thought, “distract her.” He disappeared back into his room and came out with the Debenham's bag. “I got this for you, because I thought you were ill.”

Maddy blushed. “Well I was, but girl stuff, you know; time of the month.” Drew nodded that he understood. Although the amount he understood was limited.

Maddy opened the bag, and pulled out the contents, carefully wrapped in tissue paper. “Oh wow, Gabs! Thank you so much.” She planted a huge kiss on his cheek. Then held the nightdress against herself. She beamed like a light house, kissed him again then rushed downstairs to show her mother.

A couple of minutes later she was back, and Drew asked her to try it on. Now it was her turn to disappear, then two ticks later she was back. She hugged him again and kissed him once more. “It's beautiful, thank you.” Then kissed him some more.

“I take it you like it?” He said tongue in cheek.

“No it's horrible.” She said.

“Good.” He said and they hugged once more.

They were still hugging when she began to weep, silently at first, then the sobbing began.

“You okay?” asked Drew holding her firmly, soothing her back.

Maddy seemed unable to reply, shaking her head.

“Should I call your mum?”

Once more Maddy shook her head. They hugged some more. Eventually when she composed herself, they sat down on her bed. “I feel very guilty accepting this gift.”

“Why?” Drew looked very confused.

“I don't think I deserve it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I've been horrible to you at times.”

“No you haven't…. well okay, once or twice, but it was mostly done in fun. Or I thought it was.”

“You are such a nice person Gaby, always seeing the best in everyone. Don't change, will you?”

“Yes I will.” He replied. She looked startled, “But only out of these togs, before you shrink them.” He smiled at her, and she chuckled back.

“You are the best girlfriend I could ever have…..” Drew felt crestfallen as she said this, “….and Drew is the nicest boy I have ever met.” He went off to change feeling better.

“Are you going to change, or are you going to Harry's like that?”

“Like this, I couldn't decide whether I should wear slippers or wellies.”

“Wellies, yes, wellies definitely.” Then they both burst into giggles and fell about the bed, tears running from their faces as they giggled uncontrollably.

“Gabs?” said Maddy, when they had calmed down a little.

“Yeah.”

“Sometimes I'm jealous of you.”

“Me? What for?”

“ ‘Cos sometimes you're prettier than me.”

“What?” said Drew sitting up. “How can I be prettier than you?”

“I think you are, so does Harry.”

“What does he know about such things?” Drew shook his head, “He knows so much about girls, he fancies a boy!” There was a pause before Maddy sniggered in response. The snigger grew into a chortle, which became a giggle and two ticks later, they were both helpless again.

Eventually, when they were exhausted and tear glands empty, Maddy said,”It proves the point, doesn't it?”

Drew, who was nursing stomach muscles which ached from laughing, asked, “ What point is that?”

“That you are pretty.”

“Why ‘cos one blind, oversexed teenage boy thinks so. I don't think so! Boys are pretty dim in the first place.”

“My Drewbie isn't.” pouted Maddy.

“Well okay, he might be the exception, but otherwise… just look at Clive. He can't seem to spot me in a skirt, is still me. He thinks I'm Gaby.”

“You are Gaby.” Sniggered Maddy.

“You know what I mean. I mean, I'm not wearing make up or anything, just girl's clothes, and he thinks I am one.”

“Do you like being Gaby?”

“Sometimes.”

“Like today?”

“ ‘s'alright, I s'pose.”

“Would you like to be Gaby, all the time?”

“No.”

“Even if it meant you could get a contract to ride as a semi-pro.”

“But I couldn't could I? I'm not a girl.”

“They can sort that, can't they? You see stories in the paper all the time about girls who used to be boys; and the other way around.”

“Would you like to be a boy then?” Asked Drew turning the tables on Maddy.

“Course not.”

“ ‘Cos if I became a girl, you'd have to become a boy if we were to stay together.”

“If I said I would become a boy, would you go for being Gaby all the time?”

“Dunno.” This was a perspective he hadn't considered, and it perturbed him.

“Crikey, look at the time!” Exclaimed Maddy. “I've got to get changed, we're gonna be late.” With that Drew went back to his own room and took his difficult thoughts with him.

(to be continued)

Angharad ap Gwilym 4.12.05 © 2005
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