It proved to be another listless night for our hero. Part of him considered Maddy had every right to make fun of him, if he was behaving less than sensibly. The dilemma was, part of him did not believe he had acted any thing other than sensibly.

It was one of those things when you could be right and wrong at the same time! Maddy could consider he was being silly, mock him and his sense of guilt and vulnerability would do the rest. However, earlier she had told him when he was dressed as a girl, as far as she was concerned he was female.

Looking at it from this perspective, he was exploring something. Harry thought he was attractive without his trying to be so. Therefore, what would happen if he tried to be an attractive girl? Hence the poses.

He tossed and turned cuddling bunny, to whom he confided his thoughts. They were a little confused to say the least. He felt very guilty and very vulnerable, which Maddy homed in on, in a microsecond. Part of him knew he should feel neither of these things, except perhaps for deceiving Harry and the others.

Part of him felt exhilarated. Boys were easily led by a pretty girl. As a boy, Drew was small and girlish looking. His high voice and delicate bone structure, narrow shoulders, small waist and broadening hips he was not imposing in a masculine way. Not until he got on a bike, when he proved he was fearless and tenacious, did he resemble any of the usually accepted, positive masculine attributes: then he was like a terrier.

He was well aware of his guts and sticking power, they had won him races and even a championship. He knew his mother had them too, so they weren't restricted to men or even boys, but women had them as well. He recognised the stereotyping was wrong, admirable qualities were admirable, period. It mattered not if they occurred in men or women.

He finally managed some sleep while thinking about this more positive philosophy, he had some admirable qualities whether he was being a boy or a girl. It gave him some crumbs of comfort. He didn't of course think about how cruel teenagers can be to each other, without there necessarily being any malice aforethought. Sadly, Maddy seemed to be in this mode, though she wasn't really aware of it.

She lay in bed thinking for a while about what she had seen as she passed Drew's room. “What's he up to with the sultry expressions? No that should be what's she up to? Gaby seems to be enjoying herself with Harry, practicing her come hither look. I know that deep inside there is a boy, or used to be one: the point is, is there one there now?

Maddy suddenly felt a pang of loss and a strange discomfort in her solar plexus area. “What happens if Drew doesn't come back? Oh God, what do I do? I mean, I like Gaby, she's a great girlfriend and we can do things together, even play a few pranks on each other. Well, I like, seem to play more on her, but I'll miss Drew, ‘cos I like, love him.”

She spent a disturbed night too. At one point she had a peculiar dream. Gaby had come to her…..”Hi Mad I need to ask you a favour.” Maddy looked at her best friend, she looked fit and healthy and with a figure to die for. No more breast forms, she was smaller in the bust than Maddy, as well as in the waist and hips. Maddy still cycled a bit, but Gaby was on the British women's team and didn't have much fat anywhere.

“What do you want me to do?” asked Maddy.

“Well it's not just me. It includes Harry as well.” Said Gaby, blushing slightly.

“Yeah okay, what do you both want me to do?”

“Harry's popped the question, and I want you to be my bridesmaid. Well, we both want you to. William's gonna be the best man.”

“Yeah, course I will.” Replied Maddy without much thought, congratulating her best friend on her engagement, and oohing and aahing over the ring Gaby had on her finger, and which had been hidden behind her back.

The scene shifted to a church, and Gaby and Harry were stood at the altar about to take their vows. She looked resplendent in a lacy wedding dress. Maddy was wearing a deep pink bridesmaid's dress. She felt happy for the couple stood before her.

However, there was something nagging inside her. A growing sense of pain, which seemed to spread from her heart to her whole body. Then as the woman priest got the part, “If any one knows of any just cause or pediment why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony, let them declare it now or forever hold their peace.” Maddy felt herself, scream…”No, he's a boy, he's my boyfriend…”

She woke up with Carol, holding her. “It's alright Maddy, it's just a bad dream. Hush now, it's alright.” Maddy felt tears running down her face.

“It was horrible mummy, it was horrible.” She said sobbing into her mothers breast.

“It's okay now, honey.” Cooed Carol as she gently rubbed her back.

“Is there a problem?” said a sleep voice from the doorway.

“No it's alright Gaby, you go back to bed. Maddy just had a bad dream. That's all.”

“ ‘kay. Night.” And footsteps receded followed by a door closing.

Maddy eventually went back to sleep, and Carol went back to nurse her hangover. She would speak with Maddy after breakfast, to see what the dream was about. Maddy didn't seem to have too many of them, and her mother had noticed they tended to coincide with her period. Carol tried to think if Maddy was due, but in her post alcohol muddle she couldn't remember. She had a drink of water and a couple of paracetamol and hoped the pounding in her head would be gone by morning.

“What happened last night?” asked Drew at breakfast.

“I had a bad dream.” Said Maddy to her cornflakes, refusing eye contact with him.

“What sort?” probed a curious Drew.

“A monster was going to eat me, or something.”

“What d'you mean or something? Either he was going to eat you or not.”

“Does it really matter?” she replied glaring at him, at the same time feeling guilty about it.

“Sorry, I was just trying to help.” He placed his bowl in the kitchen sink and went to the toaster. “Do you want any toast, or would you rather bite my head off?”

“I'm sorry.” She said, “It's just I don't want to like, talk about it. It was too scary.” She felt a tear drip down her cheek.

“Fine.” He said, his back to her as he loaded the toaster. “One piece or two?” By the time he'd brought the fresh toast, she had calmed herself down and managed a smile at him.

“You bin crying?” he asked her.

“No, I just yawned.” She lied.

She looked at him as he ate his toast. He still tended to bolt his food more like a boy than a girl. Yesterday that would have annoyed her, today it felt good. But that apart, he looked, sounded and acted like a girl, a very pretty girl. She felt very confused.

“So what we doin' today then?” He asked her.

“Dunno, what d'you wanna do?”

“Dunno. I'm racin' tomorrow, so maybe I'd better call the guys at the shop check everythin' ‘sokay. Might do a short ride today, but otherwise….. don' care.”

“So we could go shopping?” she suggested, although her question was a test. If he was still really a boy, he would object if he was becoming more girl than boy, he'd agree. That was how she saw it. Unfortunately, she didn't take into account that he might agree because he was concerned for her. Which was what happened.

“Okay, as long as I have time for a short ride, and provided the boys don't need me to go there.”

“Fine. I'll tell mum, while you ring Matt.”

Drew went off to the phone, silently berating himself for not saying no. Then he thought, “We'll be on the way home in a couple of days, why worry? Then I can get something off my chest.” He chuckled to himself as he thought about his unconscious humour.

“Hi Matt, it's Gaby. Is there anything we need to discuss before tomorrow? It starts at the Pavilion. Okay, yeah I now where that is. Be there for nine, starts at ten. Okay, that's fine. Do we have the route yet? You'll have the map. Fine. Call by for a new strip, am I not using the previous one?” He paused as he heard the reply, “Wow, ‘Team Specialized', they're red and white aren't they? Yeah I thought so. Okay, I'll see you later, then.” He replaced the handset and punched the air.

He was going to be wearing his first sponsored, well, properly sponsored kit and they were skins. The American company had decided to sponsor his ride even before they'd signed a contract. It felt good. He rushed to tell Maddy.

“Mad, we've gotta call by the shop. Specialized are providing me with some of their team stuff. My first sponsored skins.” He raised his hands in triumph.

“I didn't think you'd signed a contract yet, unless Jenny's done it for you.” Said Carol.

“Don't forget they think they've signed a girl.” Said Maddy in a very circumspect manner.

“Don't be, like, happy for me.” Said the crestfallen youth.

“If it's what you want….” Said Maddy sniffing a little.

“You gotta cold or something?” he asked her.

“No, I'm okay. I'm really okay…….” She said then burst into tears, and rushed from the room.

Drew went to follow, when Carol stopped him. “Gaby, just let her go. She's on her period.”

“Oh!” he said, and not wanting to be involved in anything to do with such alien territory, he sat down and fidgeted.

“Why don't you go and dress?” Carol said to him, trying to give him something to do.

“Are we going shopping?” he asked, and she nodded a response. “So something tidy?” she smiled and nodded, “and makeup?” she nodded again. “Okay. We can still call by the bike shop, though?”

“Of course we can Gaby. We also have to return those other bikes to Dorchester.”

“Oh yeah. I'll go and dress.”

He went up to his room, and brushed his still damp hair into a simple style. He was getting better at it, but he had very little confidence in that department. He'd applied mousse, and he blow dried it with Maddy's dryer. He pulled on the denim skirt and the pink silk top. It felt comfortable, and it felt good too. He recalled it was a present from Mad, she'd enjoy seeing him wear it.

He sat in front of the mirror on the dressing table and applied some eye shadow above and below his eyes; the latter a thin line under the lower eye lid. Then mascara applied with unconscious skill, some blusher and finally, some lip gloss. A spritz of smellies, the watch, bracelet and earrings and he was ready. He stood up and checked himself in the mirror, turning around to check his back. He looked okay, well he looked like Maddy, but as Maddy was okay, he looked okay.

“Maddy!” he said to himself, “better see how she is.” He walked to her room and was about to bang on the door, when Carol came out of it.

“Maddy has gone back to bed. She doesn't feel too good.”

“Oh!” he said, “Can I see her?”

“Best just let her sleep, Gaby.”

“Oh alright. She is okay, though?”

“Yes, it's her period. She's very emotional and has a pain in her tummy. She was dropping off to sleep just now.”

“So are we still going shopping?” said Drew, hoping they weren't.

“Of course, there's nothing wrong with us is there?”

“What about Maddy?”

“She'll sleep for a couple of hours, we'll be back lunch time. Hopefully she'll feel better by then.”

“I hope so.” He replied.

They managed to get the hired bikes in the back of the car after putting the back seat down. Drew was careful not to get oil on his outfit or to break one of his painted nails. Sometimes, these little touches of girldom worried him. Today however, it didn't. It just meant he wouldn't have to go and change before they went out.

At the Dorchester shop, the young technician unloaded the bikes, and the owner, of whom both Carol and Drew were suspicious, thanked them and bewailed the fact that he hadn't realised she had such potential, otherwise a contract with Trek or Giant might have been possible.

“Well we made no secret of the fact her mother was world champion, and that she was her mother's daughter. In fact you made quite a lot of it, if I remember correctly. More than I thought we'd agreed.”

Then they went on to Matt's shop. “Hello Gaby, looking gorgeous as ever.” Offered Matt.

“Thank you,” said Drew, batting his eyelids, and looking at the floor. “You look pretty good yourself, this morning.” He gave back to the older man. For some reason, Drew enjoyed flirting with Matt, so he'd wanted to look good as Gaby. Naively, he seemed to think that because he was under age, he was safe with the older man. In this case he was, but it was something that Carol noticed and put on her list of things to discuss with Gaby or Jenny, or both.

“Here's the kit. Including cycle shoes, so you've got the lot. I've got Tim to change the pedals for clips, you okay with them?”

“Yeah, I usually ride with them on my race bike.”

“Race bikes!” Corrected Carol, “they have a garage full of bikes.”

“We also changed the wheels and tyres, have you ridden with slicks before?”

“Yeah, lotsa times.”

“There isn't much she doesn't know about bikes.” Said Carol, feeling some pride for the youngster before her.

“I suppose not if your mum's world champ.” Agreed Matt. While they chatted Drew tried on the shoes, Specialized made these as well, he wandered out to the back of the shop where Tim was servicing a bike.

“Hi Tim, can I just check these shoes with the pedal clips?”

“Hello Gabs, can't say they go much with the rest of your outfit.” Then looked at Drew and at the bike. “Are you going to be able to sit on the bike in a skirt?”

“Course.” Said Drew laughing, and hitched it up, showing his knickers in the process.

Tim held the bike while Drew mounted the saddle. He clipped the shoes on the pedals and off again. Satisfied they were similar to his Shimano ones at home, he dismounted. “Thanks for putting tribars on.”

“You've done some time trialling then?”

“Most of the racing I've done is time trials, they don't usually let juniors race in bunches.”

“So how are you doing it now.”

“I'm racing as a senior.”

“I suppose you must be, and beating men. Jeez Gaby, if you carry on like this you could be challenging your mother in a year or two.”

“I don't know about that.” Replied Drew, thinking about it's double meaning, “She is something else. I've trained with her and the squad, and I can't stay with them when they really put on the pressure.”

“Where did you train with them?”

“In Germany. I went over to see mum, and they loaned me a bike. It was brill.”

“I'll bet.” Commented Tim, thinking, “For a young ‘un, she's done more than most adult cyclists ever manage. Maybe Matt is right, keep with her, she's going places!”

“Is the bike to madam's satisfaction?” said Matt jokingly.

“It'll do I suppose.” Said Drew, keeping up the joke.

“How could we improve it for madam?” asked Matt, his eyes glinting.

“Put go-faster stripes on it. A CD player, air-conditioning, sun-roof.”

“I think you've made your point.” Said Matt bringing the nonsense to an end.

“I like the new wheels, Campags, they must have cost a bit.”

“You will never know how much, young lady. Please note the matching gear set.”

“What?” said Drew and rushed back into the workshop. “Geez, it is Campag. Wonderful, absolutely brilliant.” He grabbed Tim and kissed him on the cheek.

“Steady on girl, I'm happily married.” Said Tim smiling.

Drew rushed back into the shop, “Thanks Matt.”

“Don't I get a kiss too?”

Drew, without thinking, pecked Matt on the cheek. “Did Specialized change their spec for the race?”

“No. We…….uh… did that ourselves. They come off as soon as the race is over.”

“Thanks Matt. I won't let you down.”

“I know Gaby. I know you'll do your best. England expects…., and all that.”

They returned to the car, loaded with the kit and shoes. “I take it you are pleased with the bike?” asked Carol as they sat in the car.

“Pleased, I'm over the moon, Auntie Carol. That wheelset and gears cost more than an average bike, they're Campag Chorus. They must have spent hours changing them.”

“Isn't it just a question of changing the wheels over?” asked Carol.

“No it isn't. They have to change the gear levers and cables as well, which as we're talking combined brakes and gear levers, is quite fiddly. I should really have taken it for a test ride, it's gonna handle differently now.”

“Why don't you ask Matt? I can give you three quarters of an hour, is that long enough?”

“If I can change into my skins it would be.” Drew rushed back to the shop and pleaded with Matt to test the bike. He wondered why she hadn't asked before, and played hard to get.

Then suddenly he said, “If you promise not to go too far, then you can have half an hour.”

Drew changed in the cramped toilet at the back of the shop, handing his Gaby clothes to Carol, he shot out of the shop and jumped on the bike. A few seconds later, he was out of sight.

He had set off towards Chickerell village, and using the tribars, he was moving at quite a fast pace. Thankfully, the two sets of traffic lights were at green and he flew through them. The adrenalin was surging, and he was in cycling heaven. A good bike, not too much wind and light traffic.

He glanced at the computer, he was cruising at thirty miles an hour on the flat. He knew it wouldn't last, but the bike was going like a rocket. As he approached the hill at Chickerell, so his speed dropped down to twenty, but he was still flying. He had been going for ten minutes. He hammered on for another five, then turned around and charged back towards the shop.

Coming down the hill, he notched up over forty. Had he been in a car he could have been liable for a speeding ticket. Arriving at the shop, breathless, it was a good minute before he could report back to Matt and Tim.

“So any good?”

“It's……puff, absolutely………puff, brilliant.” Drew continued smiling and breathing hard.

Tim who was looking at the computer, looked at Matt and said, “Either this thing is faulty, or Gaby has just done fourteen miles in thirty minutes. Top speed fifty one miles an hour, average speed twenty eight plus.”

“And you can't keep up with your mother! What's she ride a BMW?” said an astonished Matt. “Look kiddo, I know it was only half a regular run, but if you are capable of that sort of performance, and I don't think the computer's dicky, you should be riding in the nationals, with a view to training for the GB squad. A couple more years, if that and you could be riding pro. How do you feel about that?”

Still breathing heavily, Drew said, “I need to win some races first, Matt. This might just be a one off.”

“Well said, young'un. You show ‘em it's not and Specialized will be very pleased to have signed you up. You won't be the first they've had, whose managed to get into the GB ladies team.”

As Drew went off to change in the toilet, Matt said to Carol, “Make sure she doesn't over do the training and racing. She has a rare talent, it needs to be nurtured not spoiled.”

“I know.” Said Carol in response, “the problem is, she loves being out on a bike, and she only knows one way to ride – flat out. In fact we only came down here because she'd had a virus which wouldn't clear up. We all think it was over training, plus the stress of having her mother away most of the year.”

“It would be a shame if she does damage herself through over training. I'll speak to her tomorrow after the race.”

(to be continued)

Angharad ap Gwilym 13.11.05 © 2005
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