All of the original situations in this story are mine, the rest is the intellectual property of Maddy. Cat is a fictional character, any similarities to anyone living or dead is purely my warped mind in action.

Catalyst

Part 14

As November moved on my opportunities to have a dry ride became fewer. The lower temperatures I could handle, long sleeves and extra layers saw to that, but I still didn't like getting wet. Yet I knew that if I was going to race next year then I would have to get used to it.

I'd been having a good 'thinking about things' ride until the heavens had opened. After that the only thing on my mind was getting home and drying off.

By the time I got to the house it was irrelevant, I would have been drier if I had gone swimming I think. Mum had been watching out for me and was ready with lots of towels when I made it inside. I got to the bathroom and stripped off, dumping everything into the bath then used yet more towels. My bathrobe was hanging closest to the radiator so it was nice and warm - just the job.

"Are you ok up there?" came the voice from downstairs.

"Yes Mum, I'm fine now, just got to dry my hair," I replied and went to my room to find the dryer and for the next few minutes even if the world had ended I wouldn't have heard it.

Now that I was totally dry again my thoughts returned to the same place they had been before the heavens opened. It was something that I had to discuss with Mum and Dad, the only question was how to broach the subject with them.

I was distracted all through dinner and in the end I just decided to come out with it.

"Mum, Dad, is there any chance of me changing schools again?"

"Has someone found out about you again? You know we said that we would just front it out this time," Dad said.

"And we have the total support of the head and the board of governors," Mum added.

"It's not about that," I replied. "I'm just not happy there any more."

"It can't be the teaching," Mum reasoned. "You are still getting good marks and most of your teachers are very positive about you."

"It's not the teaching, that's fine. It's the other stuff," I said.

"What other stuff?" my parents said.

"Well I didn't exactly have many friends before Anne left and now she's gone I don't really have any."

"What about Eve Sansom? She's a very nice girl and the two of you were getting along like a house on fire," Mum said.

"Were Mum, I don't know what's happened but it doesn't feel that way anymore. Most of the time now I feel like it's me versus the rest of the world."

"Oh honey, why didn't you say anything before?"

"Because I didn't want to worry you both and I didn't have any better ideas then."

"But you do now?"

"Well yes, sort of," I said.

"Go on," Mum said.

"Well there is one place where I do have friends, in school and out of it."

"Where's that then?" enquired Dad.

"Warsop."

"That would be a bit of a journey each morning and evening," said Dad.

Exasperated I said, "Well I wasn't planning on commuting there."

"So what was the master plan then," Dad asked although I was guessing that they both knew the answer already.

"We could move up there," I said.

Mum just smiled sympathetically at me and then patted the seat beside her, I joined her on the sofa and Dad then sat in the vacant seat next to me.

"Look love, I'm sorry that it's not working out for you at school but we're not going to uproot and relocate 120 miles north just for that."

"But house prices are lower and we'll be closer to Gran," I reasoned.

"But what about our jobs?" Mum said.

"You can both get new jobs, you've got knowledge and experience."

"I wish it was that easy, love," Dad replied. "There's a good chance that I'll get a promotion after Christmas. If I moved now I would have to start from scratch. And what about your other Gran, she lives round the corner."

I hadn't thought of that. I suppose a move was a silly idea, but it wasn't my last word on the subject.

"What about if I go live with Gran while you stay here?"

Mum put her arm around me, "If we die then you can go and live with a relative but while there is a drop of breath in our bodies you're staying with us."

"Or until you go to Uni," Dad added which made Mum giggle.

I admitted defeat gracefully, as much as I hated to admit it I knew that they were right. My half-baked idea wouldn't have worked - not really. We stayed together chatting and watching a little bit of telly until it was time for bed.

When I went back to school on Monday I was hoping it would be with the carefree attitude of someone soon changing schools. With that possibility ruled out I had chosen a different tactic, blending in as much as possible.

Each morning I made sure I was at school in good time but waited until the last minute before entering the classroom for registration. During lunch and at break times I sought sanctuary in one of the computer rooms or the library.

I also did my best to avoid Eve, it hurt too much to keep on bumping into her and getting nothing more than an acknowledgment from her.

One lunchtime I was in the library reading a German comic book as a fun way to improve my vocab (at least that's how I saw it).

"Hi Cat."

I looked up and it was Sara, a girl in some of my classes. "Oh, hey Sara, what's up?"

"What star sign are you?"

Now horoscopes are not my thing but I wasn't going to snub her attempt at striking up a conversation. "Leo," I said.

"Hmm, Leo. Here it is..... . With mercury rising now is not a good time to seek commitment but you will gain contentment by baring your deepest secrets to strangers in your midst," she said.

My brow became furrowed and I tried to work out what any of that actually meant. Meanwhile Sara had got up and headed for the door. Within seconds I heard fits of giggles then saw more faces I recognised pass a window.

That put things in context for me and helped me to break the code. I wondered if that had ever been a genuine horoscope or if they had made it all up. Not seeking commitment probably meant don't get a boyfriend - no danger there, I didn't even have a list of likely candidates. If anyone were to write "C.B. 4 ??" on a desk it certainly wouldn't be me.

As for the other bit, I think that was an attempt to get me to say something that would be used against me for the rest of the term. Nice try girls.

The next time I saw Sara I had a horoscope of my own for her, one I didn't need to know her sign for. It went something like this, "now is not a good time to show trust in fair weather friends, you may discover that you are not part of the deception but one of the deceived. Be mindful that everything you do has consequences."

I know that all sounds very cryptic but I know she got the message, actually I think she was able to work out about the fair weather friends before I said anything.

So having actually won one round for a change I let my guard drop, that turned out to be a very costly mistake.

A few days later I was on my way into class just in front of the teacher like I do. I opened the door and something fell on my head, it was some kind of bucket and it wasn't empty.

I could hear the laughter for a split second before Miss Miles burst into the classroom bellowing, "what is the meaning of this? I will not tolerate this kind of behaviour , booby trapping doors for teachers."

Well she seemed to think that she was the target where I thought otherwise.

"Just be thankful you only managed to get one of your cohorts."

Cohorts! I had absolutely nothing to do with it and started to protest my innocence but I was cut short.

"I'm not interested in excuses, tell me who did it and then you can go clean yourself up," she said.

"But I don't know who it was," I protested.

"In that case the whole class will serve a lunchtime detention." That statement got me the evil eye from most of the class.

"Don't just stand there girl, go clean yourself up."

I went off to the toilets where the first thing I did was take a good look at myself. It looked like it was only flour in the bucket, probably the remnants of someone's cooking project from Food Tech. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that no one had added water to it - flour & water paste would have been a nightmare to get rid of.

I started to brush the flour off my clothes but soon realised that once I got to my hair I would have to brush them all over again. So for my second clean-up attempt I started at the top and worked down.

| didn't get it all out so when I returned to class I wasn't at all surprised to hear "Cat, you look like you've seen a ghost!"

The look I gave must have been like the one my Mum used at Alton Towers back in the summer. The reaction was certainly similar.

I finally got to take a seat and concentrated on what remained of the lesson. When the lunch bell sounded half the class got ready to leave but the rest of us remembered the detention and stayed put.

I don't recall what she made us do during that half hour but the time seemed to pass quickly enough and as soon as she released us I shot off to find a quiet spot.

When I arrived home that day I wasn't in the mood to do anything at all. I sat in front of the TV watching some kid's program that I usually turn over from. About 15 minutes into it I gave up completely.

I needed cheering up so I went for the phone, Karla wasn't home yet and Maddy was out so I called Drew. Normally he would have been higher on my list but with the situation with his mum I wasn't really expecting him to be a bundle of laughs.

"Hi Drew, it's me."

"Hi Cat."

"So how's life treating you?" I had thought about asking after his mum but thought better of it.

"School's ok, the cycling is fine."

"Only fine?" I asked. Anything involving a Bond on a bike is normally somewhere between great and outstanding.

"Well I have started winning cross races," he admitted.

"How's Maddy doing?" I asked.

"She's on her way over so you can ask her yourself in a few minutes," he replied.

"What about Rhod, how's he doing?"

"You know already," Drew remarked coldly

"If I did know I wouldn't ask," I said.

"You don't need to lie to me," he said.

"I'm not," I replied. "Drew I really don't have a clue what you're on about."

"You've helped him decide that he wants to be a girl," he said.

I remained silent, Drew took that to mean I was guilty where actually I was in shock.

"Drew it's been ages since I spoke to him and we never even mentioned that," I said.

"So you say, but it seems too much of a coincidence."

I stood there for a few seconds, my jaw moving but no words coming out. Eventually I said, "well if that's the way you feel there's nothing more to say."

"I couldn't agree more, I've got nothing to say to you either."

With that I slammed the phone down so hard that it's a miracle it stayed in one piece. Was there anyone left on this planet who wanted me around?

At least there was one thing I couldn't mess up, I grabbed my helmet, got my bike out and rode. I didn't know where I was riding to, I just pointed the bike in one direction and went.

'Was it something about me?' I thought as I rode through Tring. Maybe I was no good at judging character, or maybe if I had stayed a boy...

I was still on the old A41 now going down the big hill into Aston Clinton. I pedalled as fast as I could and then made myself as streamlined as possible. At this speed if anything pulled out of a side road I would have no chance. I'd be a dent in someone's car and a stain on the road.

My momentum carried me through two mini-roundabouts and out of the other side of the village. My thoughts turned to Rhod, had I influenced his decision? I hope not, I'm no role model, I'd say me doing something is a good reason not to do it.

Saying "I want to be a girl" isn't hard, living with the consequences of those six little words is a different story. There are relatives that we don't see anymore because they didn't approve of what my parents let me do.

I had both of them supporting me while other people told them, "It's just a phase he's going through, next week he'll want to play with cars and toy guns."

Mum and Dad told me that the look on my face the day they gave me my first doll convinced them that they had done the right thing.

Rhod only has Sylv to support him, she's strong enough to bring him up, I hope she's strong enough to help him through this too.

As for his dad, he sounds like the sort of person who enjoys man things like rugby. How will he handle finding out that Mfanwy is his son who had been pretending to be his daughter and now wants to be that for real.

I was entering Aylesbury now and some of the possibilities that I was thinking of for Rhod are too depressing to mention.

By now the light was fading and with the state I was in when I started riding, lights had been the last thing on my mind. I probably could have bought some if I had any money on me.

I dismounted and considered my options, if it had stayed light I would probably have ridden until I fell off with exhaustion but walking was an entirely different prospect. I turned around and started to trudge home.

Bikes make journeys so much shorter. Even though I was cheating and riding carefully where the pavement was wide enough I still wasn't making much headway and without the exercise I was getting cold too.

I sighed and looked for the nearest phone box.

"Hello operator, I'd like to make a reverse charges call please," I said glumly then waited for the call to be connected.

"Daddy it's me."

"Where are you, we've been worried sick," he said.

"I'm sorry, I needed to go for a ride and it got dark, I'm on the A41 the other side of Aston Clinton."

"What the.... no wait we can talk about that later. I'm on my way so stay put."

About 15 minutes later I was warming up in the car with my bike safely stowed in the back explaining what had gone on. He was not impressed.

While I filled in the blanks with Mum he phoned Mr Bond. Naturally I only got to hear one side of the conversation.

"Hello Dave, it's Dan Birch. I think you and Drew need to have words."

"He got Cat in such a state that she went of on an unplanned ride and ended up walking halfway home."

"Rhod, Drew accused her of having something to do with his decision."

"No it doesn't sound like him."

"Yes I suppose the situation with your wife could have affected him like that."

"No, not really."

"This time maybe but I won't let it happen again."

"Of course."

"Goodnight Dave."

It's quite frustrating hearing half a conversation, some bits I could work out but others were a mystery to me. Speaking to Drew would have been the best way to find out but I had no plans to no that anytime soon.

It seemed like it was me against the world, well if that's how it's going to be I just had to get on with it.

I wasn't sure how long it was going to last but I took my newly found attitude to school with me. I didn't wait outside the classroom before registration, I went straight in. If anything was directed my way I acted like I didn't care and discovered that most of the time I really didn't.

After registration my class tutor pulled me to one side.

"Miss Miles told me about the incident with the flour," she said. I just wondered if I was in more trouble.

"And I think I've got a good idea what was actually going on. If anything else happens or you just want to talk about it please come and find me."

I responded in the only way I could. "Thank you," I said and quickly left the classroom.

Now that I wasn't letting things get to me I was getting less distracted in class so felt that I was learning more. I hoped that would show on my report card.

It was a few days into my new regime before I saw Eve. I hadn't been avoiding her before and I wasn't going to start now. As our paths crossed in the corridor I said, "hi," and got the same reply from her. I just carried on to my next lesson.

A couple of days after that I was working in one of the computer rooms when Eve came in, I acknowledged her, there was no point in calling her over as there were no free desks near me. When my time was up I grabbed my bag, Eve was looking over my way so I gave her a 'seeya' wave and left the room.

The weekend came and my well deserved lie-in (well I thought it was) got interrupted by Mum.

"C'mon sleepyhead, so many shops, so little time," she said.

I didn't remember her saying we were going shopping, I suppose my mind might have been on other things. Then again this might be her way of making sure that I didn't do anything stupid - not that I was planning to.

We hit the shops in Watford and I actually found some things that I wanted to wear that not only fit but were affordable too. I bought a new pair of jeans, a couple of skirts and some tops. I could have bought more but Mum reminded me that I needed to leave some things for Christmas.

"There's always plenty of bike stuff people can get for me," I said.

"Not everyone wants to buy you bike stuff," she stated. "Some people want to buy you girl stuff."

"There's always the next season of Buffy on DVD," I countered.

"But like I said some people want to buy you girl stuff," she replied smiling.

"Mothers," I mumbled.

"Pesky kids," she replied.

After that we decided that we were done shopping and headed for home. Lunch was provided courtesy of a chippy en route although we waited until we were at home so we could all eat together.

As I was clearing things away Dad drew my attention to a box in the corner.

"That came while you were out," he said.

"I wonder who it's from," I said.

"You know the best way to find out," Dad replied.

I checked the postmark, wherever it was it ended in 'field', so that narrowed it down to a few places most of them up north.

"Just open it," Dad said, so I did.

On the top there was a note, it said one word - Sorry, and had then been signed by Drew. I dug a little deeper, it was full of cycle goodies, tubes, tape, allsorts.

"Thank you Drew," I said.

I could have phoned and said it to his face but after my recent upset I wasn't ready for that, but I think he was back on my Christmas card list.

I spent most of the afternoon matching my new clothes up, deciding what went with what. It had been raining since we left Watford so no ride for me today, nor a walk.

Sunday started off wet too but brightened up as the morning went on and as soon as there was a dry line on the road I was riding along it.

Today is traditionally a day of rest and in the afternoon that was exactly what I did. I read some more Lord of the Rings, it was my intention to read the rest of them before watching the movies.

At some point I found myself thinking more about Rhod than my book, and Ally too. They were always pretty close so would she be upset at losing her boyfriend or happy to get a new girlfriend? If I'd had any idea what to say I would have called her and asked. Instead I carried on reading.

My next week at school was a weird one, not bad weird just strange. First off I was getting less grief than normal from my classmates. Maybe it was down to my new attitude or had they just got bored with me? I doubted that I won any respect after the flour incident.

Next I got good marks on a history essay which is unheard of for me, I love history but my essay writing sucks.

The weirdest thing of all happened one lunchtime. Eve found me in the computer room and said that she had missed me. My first thought was, 'Funny, I hadn't realised that either of us had been anywhere." Then I remembered there was a point where I had been avoiding her to spare my own feelings and felt a little guilty.

"When I was off again I thought you might have picked up my homework," she said.

My guilt increased, I hadn't even realised she had missed school. As I was about to apologise I remembered certain comments she had made.

"After the bonfire party I wasn't sure where we stood anymore," I said.

"I'm sorry," she replied. "I didn't really say things in the right way."

The bell rang for the end of lunch before we said any more but we did say we would talk later as we went our separate ways.

We passed each other a few more times that week and things were almost back to how they first were between us. On the last occasion she said she was off to her Nan's for the weekend, so she wouldn't be around until next week. It reminded me that I hadn't seen my Gran in Warsop since the summer.

When I got home I gave Gran a call and told her how much I missed her. She reminded me that we would be up for Christmas so I wouldn't have to wait too long.

As there wasn't long left until Christmas we spent the Saturday doing some shopping. I had a couple of gifts already and by the time we were done I hardly had anything left to get. I was glad of that because it was bad enough fighting the crowds this weekend and I knew it would only get worse until the big day.

Sunday was much quieter; I did a little homework then we went round to Gran's for tea.

Even when you're in secondary school the last week before Christmas is more a time for fun and games than education. There were only a few subjects where they needed to finish things before the end of term so the atmosphere was a lot more relaxed.

There was still the occasional joke at my expense and even they appeared to have lost their sting.

At lunchtime I got to the computer room and Eve was already there. She beckoned me over and started talking.

"Do you want to do another Con?"

"You bet," I replied.

"Can you come to my house tonight so we can discuss it?" she asked.

I didn't have anything else planned so I replied, "that's fine by me. What time should I be there?"

"7ish?"

"Works for me," I said. "Do we need to look at more costume ideas?"

"Well it never hurts to look," she replied.

So we spent the rest of our time looking at costume websites and picking up tips.

The rest of the school day passed quickly and before I knew it I was walking home. Looking up at the skies I decided it might stay dry long enough for a short ride and hurried the rest of the way.

It took me less than five minutes to change and get my bike out. There was a definite chill in the air but the way I was pushing myself and a couple of close encounters with homicidal car drivers meant that it wasn't long before I warmed up. Of course there was no way that Mum was finding out.

I got back in one piece and having no homework to do I messed about in my room until Mum got home. I helped her with dinner and served up when Dad got in. By serving it meant I wouldn't need to clear up afterwards and I could get over to Eve's

I arrived at her door at 7pm on the dot and followed her upstairs to her bedroom.

"So about this 'con'," I said.

"Yes, it's in February over in Uxbridge, I'm hoping to do both days."

"You would be staying there?" I asked.

"Yes, Mum's offered to chaperone us," she replied.

"So twice as many days means twice as many costume changes," I said.

"At least twice as many," she said.

"Kewl," was my only reply.

"I think we should still do Sakura and Tomoyo, that was a big hit," Eve said.

"Yes, and I want to be a girl ninja like you too," I replied

"Right, that's two costumes sorted out, here's some of the other ideas I came up with," she said and grabbed a notepad.

"Ouch."

"What's up?" I said.

"I just caught my finger on a staple," she replied.

"Is it bleeding? I'll sort it out for you," I responded.

"No, keep away."

"It's ok, I've got my first aid badge," I stated.

But before I could get to her she had fled the room and left me bewildered. I couldn't really believe she had to run to mummy just for a little cut.

When Eve returned with her mum in tow I wondered if she really could be tied to her apron strings.

"Ok Cat there's something I need to tell you about me. Once you've heard it you might not want to be friends with me, that's ok, you just have to promise not to tell anyone else."

That was usually the kind of thing I said before I told my little secret, surely Eve wasn't like me.

"Do you promise?" she repeated.

"Of course I do," I said thinking that even if she wasn't like me whatever she had to say couldn't be any more dangerous than the things I could tell her.

She took a deep breath before she spoke, "we were on holiday in eastern europe when I was five and I cut myself really badly on some broken glass. I was rushed to hospital where they did their best."

She couldn't be, I wondered.

"I'd lost a lot of blood so they gave me a transfusion and that's when it happened," she said while trying not to look at me.

All of a sudden I knew what she was talking about, I wanted to say it for her because I could see she was struggling with the words but, I was hoping I was wrong.

"Is it a virus?"

Eve's mother jumped in, "Yes Catrina, it's a virus. My daughter is HIV+."

I sat there in silence. I could have told her about me but it didn't seem appropriate. Instead I asked, "Is it under control?"

"Yes," her mum replied. "Her levels are fine."

"Then let's plan our con visit," I said.

Eve looked at me with her mouth wide open. "You're ok with this," she said.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I replied. "If I was a vampire I would be disappointed but I'm just a girl and so are you."

Eve walked over and gave me a hug. "Thanks Cat, I really didn't expect you to be so cool about this," she said.

"That's what friends are for," was my clichéd but genuine response.

By the time Eve's mother called us we had a pretty good idea what costumes we wanted. She gave me a ride home and Eve came along too. As Mrs Sansom walked me to the door there were things on her mind.

"You won't say anything, will you?"

"About Eve? Not even to my parents," I replied.

"There are other things you need to know about her condition but that's for another time," she said.

I could tell from her face it was nothing to be too concerned about. I let myself in the house and waved to Eve and her mum before closing the door. Once I had let my folks know I was safe I went to my bedroom to think.