All things denied…
A Gaby FanFic by PB
Chapter 1
Warsop, early January; 2004
“Drew!” Dave whispered upon seeing their door slowly open and a head peer into the darkened room.
“Dad? … Mum ok?” Drew quietly asked as his dad emerged from their bedroom and faced him in the hallway.
“Shhhh … she's sleeping comfortably … I couldn't sleep and heard you about.”
Dave quietly led his son downstairs before speaking again. “Going for a ride I see.”
“Got a few things I have to think about and the weather looked ok … Dad? … Why does Mum have to get cancer?” Drew asked, keeping his voice low lest he disturb his mum.
“I don't know,” Dave hesitated then slowly replied.
“She'll get better, won't she?”
( sigh ) “I don't know that either … we just have to let the doctors do their thing.” Again Dave hesitated before replying. Seeing a tear escape Drew's eye, Dave put his arms around his son and added, “I feel the same way ... but for now we need to try and keep things as normal as possible. Your ol' mum made that clear enough last night!”
Dave accompanied Drew out to the garage to get his bike ready and followed him outside. After ensuring that his son took one of the pills Dr. Sanwari prescribed, he watched Drew push off. As he started to pedal past their parked van, Dave called out, “You just keep alert and have a good ride!”
As Drew turned out of the close and onto the main road, he was glad he had dressed for the weather. Even though the roads were clear and little snow remained on the ground, the day was overcast and quite cool. He was wearing long-legged bib-tights with a light-weight vest as a second layer of protection against the elements. As a final layer, he wore the windproof Team Apollinaris jacket his mum sent him in happier times.
It was the first time that Drew wore anything that reminded him of his mum, since ‘that phone call' in which she initially tried to make the family believe she was leaving. That seemed long ago. Now she was home … back with the family … dying.
“ Why does it have to be Mum…WHY???”
Unlike the usual training rides that Drew undertook whenever he had to sort himself out, focusing on his cycling wasn't working out. After passing through Church Warsop, he approached a wooded area close to the road and with memories of his mum overpowering his young mind he decided he could go no further.
The Wunderkind quickly pulled off the road and came to a stop under the limbs of an overhanging tree. Standing astride the bike's cross-bar and tightly gripping the handle-bars, Drew closed his eyes and leaned forward until his head rested on the back of his gloved hands, then he promptly broke down with uncontrolled heavy sobs. His mum was steadfastly adamant that both Jules and he were to go to America in two weeks. She was determined they weren't going to miss the opportunity on account of her. He was just as sure that he wasn't going to see her again if he left.
Eventually, he sat up, emotionally drained and fully aware of the cool temperatures on his tear stained face. As he went to wipe his eyes with the back of a gloved hand, he realised that they too, were soaked with his tears. Once he was able to collect himself and re-focus enough to continue his ride, he set off, but at a much more sedate pace.
After continuing a few more kilometres up the road, Drew pulled into a small pub near a roundabout, to plan the direction that his ride would take. As he considered his options, his thoughts were once again dominated by his mum. Drew was brought out from his reverie by a girl's voice. Turning towards the source of the voice, he saw a girl who appeared a couple of years younger than himself, accompanied by her mother.
“… ‘Cuse me? ... You're Gaby Bond … aren't you?” asked the young girl.
“Yes,” replied Drew. “Who am I to argue? …”
“I told you, Mum!” the girl turned towards her distant mother and excitedly called out. As she turned back to face Drew, she blurted out, “I raced with you last year at Manchester!”
“Wow! …You remember that?” Drew asked as the girl's mother walked up to the two.
“Uh huh ... can I get your autograph?” the girl eagerly asked.
“You've been such an inspiration to my daughter. You sparked Loraine's interest in cycling ... you and your mum,” explained Loraine's mother as the daughter offered Drew a pen and a small notebook. He blushed a deep red upon hearing the mother's words.
Hearing her mother mention her daughter's name, he proceeded to write...
“To Loraine – a competitor I shall have to watch
Gaby Bond”
Drew handed the pen and notebook back to the girl, then accepted an appreciative hug and ‘thank you' before resuming his ride. As he watched Loraine and her mother depart, Drew made a decision that saw him uncharacteristically turn around and instead of completing his planned route he found himself feeling refreshed with a clear head and doubling back through Church Warsop, heading for home at a more satisfying 35kph.
“I'm back!” Drew announced as he entered the house.
“Shhhh… your mum's still sleeping! Good ride, Kiddo?” Dave asked in hushed tones.
“Not really… I couldn't stop thinking of Mum. At times I found it hard to keep riding,” Drew mournfully replied.
“Sorry. Why don't you go up stairs and shower while I wipe your bike down? You might feel better,” Dave suggested.
“I already did the bike, but thanks for offering,” Drew replied as he removed his shoes and started for the stairs.
After he finished his shower, Drew started to get dressed. Instinctively he pulled out a pair of panties and camisole, preferring the soft fabric against his sensitive skin. He was about to put on the camisole, when he caught sight of himself in the full length mirror on the back of his bedroom door. Taking a good look at himself, Drew had to be honest and acknowledge the pretty young teenage girl looking back at him.
Once dressed, Drew sat silently on the side of his bed, staring into space – his thoughts now turned to his Mum and his pending trip to America.
Some time later as Drew entered the kitchen, he silently acknowledged Jules, then grabbed a cup of tea and sat down at the table, beside her.
“You ok Drew? … I thought I heard you crying when I passed your room,” Jules whispered.
“I was … I can't stop thinking of Mum … I don't want to leave her … not now,” Drew quietly admitted as Jules put her arm behind his back and pulled him close.
“I know … (sniff) … I feel the same … but as long as Dad agrees … what can we do? “ Jules comforted and then abruptly added, “Now look what you did … you got me going! … Pass me a tissue.”
“There … that should do it… thank you very much,” Dave stated as he closed the front door and re-entered the kitchen. As he sat down and resumed drinking his tea, he briefly contemplated the envelope in his hand and then handed it to Drew.
“I just signed for it … but I think you should do the honours … it's from Dr. Sanwari,” Dave quietly stated.
Drew hesitated then took the offered letter. After looking at the envelope, he took a deep breath and slowly handed it back to Dave. “You open it? … I can't.” Before Dave could reach for it, Jules grabbed it out of Drew's outstretched hand.
“Well I'm not going to wait all day for you two to decide who'll open it ... so I will!” She had it opened and in her hands before either Dave or Drew could make an effort to get it back. After a few tense minutes, Jules looked up from reading the contents and with a blank look, simply handed it back to Drew.
“Here, Sis … you better read it,” Jules quietly mentioned as she returned the letter.
Along with her Dad's questioning glance and her own disbelief, she added, “Unless I‘ve missed something … I've always had a sister!“
“Ummm ... blah, blah, blah ... yeah ... we know ... blah, blah, blah.” As he got near the last of the letter, Drew raised his head and nervously looked at his dad and sister. Finally reading aloud, he stated, “It's just like she said …”
Casting his eyes back down to the letter, Drew read, “ From our testing, we have concluded that Drew was born biologically more female than male . As she is now entering puberty, it is expected she will continue to physically develop as a normal female…“ Drew's voice faded as he handed the letter to his dad.
After reading it over carefully – a few times, Dave put the letter down then told both kids that their interpretation of the letter was correct. “By the names on this letter … Dr. Sanwari's well connected in the NHS. It appears he sent your blood work to some very prominent people in their fields, and by signing this letter … they all agreed with his initial findings.”
Following an uneasy silence, Dave picked up the letter and re-read the section where the doctor stated tests also showed Drew was completely androgen insensitive thereby ruling out any possibility of life as a man.
With a heavy sigh, he handed the letter back to Drew and then added, “You've got some heavy thinking to do … it's your life … but if you want to talk about it … I'm here.”
“Thanks, Dad…but … I don't really have a choice … do I?” Drew's voice was almost inaudible as he took the proffered letter and rose from the table.
As they listened to Drew's footsteps slowly go upstairs and heard the closing of his bedroom door, Jules silently got up and walked over to where her dad was still sitting and gave him a hug. “Think she'll mind if I join her ... talk things over?”
“I think we best give Drew some time to think things out before we sit down with him ... her,” Dave softly replied as he felt his eyes getting moist. He gave Jules a final hug as he got up and started to go up the stairs, mumbling an excuse so Jules wouldn't see his tears. “Gotta go check on your mum.”
“Dad?” Drew called out as he heard the familiar and unmistakable sounds of his father's footstep's passing his door.
Dave opened the door and poked his head in, saying that he'd be back after he checked on Jenny. Moments later, Dave opened Drew's door wider and entered his son's room. Drew was sitting on the edge of his bed with the letter beside him.
“How's Mum?” Drew whispered.
“Still resting, but she seems ok … but you had something else on your mind … didn't you?”
Nodding his head, Drew whispered, “You knew…”
Following a heavy sigh, Dave shook his head side to side while quietly responding, “The results? … No ... but I'm not blind either … despite what you may have thought all this time … I saw my youngest daughter long before Dr. Sanwari did … his results only explained what we've all seen over the last year.” After a short silence between the two, he softly added, “I love you ... sweetheart.”
Drew leapt up off the bed, into Dave's opened arms. As he felt his dad's strong arms close around him, Drew whispered a tearful “Thank you” into his dad's ear. “I want to tell everyone at the same time … can I call a family meeting ... Daddy?”
“I think that can be arranged.” Dave quietly replied.
“Can the Peters be there?” Drew inquired.
“I can ask them … when do you want to do this?”
“Before we go back to school tomorrow … now? … While I still have the nerve,” Drew hopefully suggested.
“Let me call… ok? …. By the way … if your mother's still resting … I'll tell her later … agreed?” Dave pointed out.
“Ok,” Drew reluctantly agreed then gave his father another hug, playfully adding, “Daddy!”
Dave made the required phone call when he went back downstairs.
Moments later there was a knock on Drew's door and when he looked up, he saw Jules poke her head around the semi-closed door.
“Ummm … Drew? … Sis? … Can I come in and talk?” Jules timidly asked.
Drew nodded and Jules approached and sat on the edge of the bed beside her brother. The two talked in sombre hushed tones.
“I'm not making fun of you or anything ... so don't take this wrong … but … you are … Gaby … for real … now … aren't you? Jules quietly asked.
“Yeah ... I guess I am,” Gaby whispered.
“I'm sorry,” sniffed a wet-eyed Jules.
“Why? ... I'm not! … I can't explain it … but … I'm not … sorry,” Gaby quietly admitted.
“I … just … all those times I encouraged my brother to be a girl … going along with Maddy … even getting Charlie and Anna to go along with it ... I just ... feel bad, Sis … it feels like I've helped cause all this …forgive me?” Jules softly allowed.
“Jules! … Don't be daft! … You didn't cause this to happen!” an astonished Gaby exclaimed.
“I know … ( sniff ) but I can't help how I feel … ( sniff ) forgive me?”
“If it'll help … I forgive you! ... But I don't know why I have to,” Gaby cooed.
As Jules looked at Gaby, she suddenly threw her arms around her and hugged her tightly. Gaby was quickly reminded of the crew-neck sweat-shirt she was wearing when she felt her sister's tears on her bare neck. They sat there, silently remaining in the hug until they heard Dave coming back up the stairs.
“John said they could be here in about a half hour … will you be ready? … Ummm … Pet?” Dave related as he appeared in the doorway to Drew's bedroom. Gaby quickly nodded her approval with the timing. Seeing Jules had been crying, Dave thought it better if he just left the two girls alone after delivering his message.
“C'mon Sis … I think you need some repair work,” Gaby suggested.
“What about you?”
“Drew has to be there for this meeting,” Gaby softly admitted. “There'll be plenty of other times … I promise.”
Later, Carol and John arrived at the Bond's for the requested meeting.
“C'mon in … glad you could come!” Dave warmly greeted his guests.
“How's Jen?” Carol asked as she entered the house.
“She's fine for the moment … right now, she's upstairs resting … she has nowhere near the energy she once had,” Dave solemnly explained.
“Do you expect her down for this gathering?” John asked.
“No … I'll fill her in later,” Dave replied. “Go on through to the lounge … Drew's already in there … Jules and I'll bring in the tea.”
After everyone was settled in with a cuppa, Dave nodded to Drew to start the proceedings. As he stood up he asked Carol, “Where's Maddy? ... I was kinda hoping she'd be here.”
“I'm sorry Drew … when your dad asked us to come over, he didn't say you called the meeting … and we thought it would probably be okay … well … I let her go shopping with Bernie and her mum … to find some new clothes for your trip,” Carol apologized.
“S'ok Auntie Carol ... I'll tell her later,” Drew replied with a hint of disappointment in his voice. He turned to let Dave pass him Dr. Sanwari's letter before he continued.
“I dunno if Maddy ever mentioned it … but last September…” Drew went on to explain the times he passed out after cycling and the eventual visit to Dr. Sanwari. During his explanation of past events, Drew made sure he didn't forget to mention the great quantities of blood taken for the now infamous battery of tests.
He ended his background explanation with Dr. Sanwari's initial guess as to the problem and showed his Aunt and Uncle the large brown iron supplement pills that he was directed to take daily. When he finished, he looked at the faces of his Aunt and Uncle. He didn't see any sign of the shock or concern he expected but rather, only their blank expressions.
“This is the letter I got today from Dr. Sanwari. It says exactly what he told us earlier … but it also is signed by a bunch of other doctors that Dr. Sanwari sent my blood to … so they could do their own tests.” With a shrug of his shoulder, Drew continued as he handed the letter to his Uncle.
“Dad says those other doctors are pretty important in their fields, so I guess I had the best look me over.”
After John and Carol read the letter, they raised their heads to look at their nephew. Now that it had sunk in, Drew saw the looks he initially expected.
“Ever since I began seeing Dr. Sanwari and he first suggested what he says in his letter, I've been thinking about what he said was happening to me. At first it was kinda hard to get my head around everything ... but now that I really thought about things ... I feel like a weight's been lifted from me ... an' now that we have the results of all that testing they did on me … in writing ... I felt it was time to let everyone know…” Drew said matter-of-fact-ly.
“In a strange way, it's not all that surprising ... but what about school … your trip?” Carol said with some concern as she rose from her seat to give her niece a hug.
“I figure that for the next couple of weeks it'll have to be Gaby pretending to be Drew at school. At least Mr. Woods, Miss Cowlishaw, Mr. Pilling an' Mrs. Johnston should be told before I go, I guess. As far as the trip is concerned … I guess it depends a lot on the Walters girls,” she calmly explained after Carol sat back down.
Before Drew could finish Dave interjected, “When Britney and her sister were here, it took a lot of convincing to get them to believe I had a son … I bet the American authorities involved in the exchange program were under the impression I had two daughters as well. Do they still feel that way? … We'll have to wait and see.” Then looking at Drew, Dave added, “As for events after the trip, well … we've got eight weeks to decide on what to do and how best to do it.”
“You want us to call you Gaby from now on?” Carol asked.
“At least when it's just family,” Dave put in.
“Or until everyone knows I'm Gaby,” she added.
“How do you feel about this?” John asked.
“John! … What kind of question is that to ask your niece?” hissed Carol as she slapped John's arm. “Didn't you read the letter? ... It's not as if she had a choice ... she was born a girl!”
“No, Auntie Carol … it's ok. Uncle John? ... I can't really describe how I feel other than ‘free'! ... I've always said I just wanted to be me ... an' now ... I feel I am,” Gaby softly replied.
“I really can't explain it … nature has made the physical decision for me … an' people have always taken me for a girl … no matter if I was trying to be Gaby or not! … But the single most important thing is … all the times Gaby appeared … I have to admit that it always did ... feel right!!” Gaby tried to explain.
“Uh … Gaby … what do you think this will do to your relation with Maddy?” Carol had just asked the ultimate question.
“I really hope she meant what she'd said many times and that she still will feel the same about me no matter if I'm Drew or Gaby. In fact … she's even said she loved Gaby, a few times. Now I ask you, how do you and Uncle John feel about Maddy having a relationship with another girl?” Gaby threw the question of their relationship right back at her Aunt and Uncle.
“We've seen Gaby and Maddy together for some time … so I think I can say … for both of us … we're quite comfortable with it.” John answered as Carol smiled at Gaby and nodded in agreement.
“We've already come to the conclusion that there's something going on between you two … And if that's how the two of you feel, we'll not stand in your way,” Carol added. Gaby ran over and gave both of them a hug and a kiss on the cheek, followed by a wet-eyed, “Thank you!”
“How do you feel, Jules … you ok with a sister?” Carol playfully asked a quiet Jules.
Jules looked up at Gaby from her seat and tried very hard to suppress a huge grin. In a calm, disinterested voice, she proclaimed, “I guess so.”
Gaby walked over and bent down to give her a tight hug and whispered in her ear, “An' I love you, too … Sis!”
“I do love you, Sis,” Jules whispered her reply, her eyes quickly becoming moist as she again held her sister.
“Well, Gaby … I think if you come over to our place with me now … there's a few things in Maddy's room that you will be needing,” Carol hinted as she visually answered Gaby's inquisitive look by discreetly looking down at her own breasts. Gaby nodded her head and the pair left together while John remained to talk to Dave. A short while later, they returned with Gaby carrying the bag of all her purged clothes, including Gaby's school uniform, as well as her breast forms and gaff.
“Sweetheart? … Carol just reminded me about school … Frank's given me a few days off to help your mum … at least until Gran can get here … do you want me to call Mr. Woods and try to set up a meeting with him tomorrow to explain about you … and your mum?” Dave asked.
“I thought no one was to know about mum other than us?” Gaby replied.
“Mr. Woods and the escorts for your trip have to know … in case…” Dave cut himself off. Both Gaby and Carol put their arms around him until he was able to recover his composure.
“Dave … it might not be the right time … but then again … what is the right time?” Realizing she was starting to ramble, Carol quickly got back on track. “What I wanted to say … or ask … was that if you have to call Jules and Gaby back … please bring Maddy with them?”
“Of course, Carol … that goes without saying. I'll mention it to Mr. Woods if I see him tomorrow,” Dave quietly replied.
“Daddy? … Remember … as far as school's concerned … it's now Gaby pretending to be a boy named Drew … at least until I get back from the States.
“I know, Sweetheart … hopefully by that time things will have settled to a point where we can think clearly about the future … for both you and your mum,” Dave lamented.
(to be continued)
PB 18.02.08 (revised 22.04.08) © 2008
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