February the fourteenth, just over a week until my fifteenth birthday. So what am I doing? Oh yes, I've got a party to attend.

“Anna!” I moaned as she nearly poked my eye out with an eyeliner pencil.

“Well sit still then.”

“I'm trying but this jumper itches.”

“Stop moaning, you coulda worn the Korsett, I did offer to swap.” Anna pointed out as I tried my best to ignore the effect her jumper was having on my body.

I was well kippered today, any lingering doubts anyone might have had over my gender would be blown away for sure. After I left Connie earlier I went home to find the ordered clothing, I don't have a lot of girl stuff and a black skirt was not in my repertoire. Not that I would ever get away with that as an excuse so with cap in hand I interrupted Jules' German revision.

“Erm Jules?”

“What do you want to borrow, I haven't got any money.”

“I don't want money, I was er wondering if you had like a black skirt I could borrow? We're going to a Goth party tonight and I um don't have anything.”

She sniggered, “I guess you must be a girl, I'm sure my brother wouldn't be asking to borrow my clothes.”

“Jules!”

“Sorry I couldn't resist, what's it worth?”

“Ten Euros?”

“Ten and you help me with this German before Monday.”

Well it was cheaper than buying something I guess.

“Deal.”

So that's how I ended up wearing this ridiculously short net and satin creation complete with Jules' fence net stay ups which just failed to reach the ‘hem' of the skirt. I know she has more sensible stuff but she claimed this was all she could find – like I say kippered!

Goth Girl had offered a corset too, but my brief acquaintance at New Year and last year in Virginia did not encourage me to repeat the experience! So somehow I'd been talked into what can best be described as an amazing architectural achievement, one of Anna's Wonderbra's! That was effectively the problem with the jumper, it was Angora wool and the bra offered little in the way of protection from its soft but itchy fibres! Oh and did I mention it's neckline revealed way too much of my currently enhanced décolletage!

“Is this really necessary Anna?” I whined as she added more makeup to my already heavily laden face.

“Duh! If its worth doing…”

“…It's worth doing well, I know.” I sighed as she started on my lips.

“Ta da! What do you think?” Anna enquired of the assembled horde in her living room.

“Gabs? That you?” Steffi asked.

“I wish.” I mumbled.

I think my tormentor got just a bit carried away, apart from my revealing outfit, as if that wasn't bad enough, I now sported black nail polish, some multicoloured wool dreadlocks and a really scary looking face. Oh and her skull earrings a nose ring and a lip ring – no don't think I've flipped, they only clip on and my Goth guide was adamant they were required to finish things off.

The others of course had not been idle while Anna worked on me, I have to say no one had stinted on their efforts. Maybe between us there wasn't quite enough black hair but otherwise we'd fit into any group of Goths I've ever seen. Of course Anna had supplied a lot of stuff like the BIG boots Pia had on and the black wig that Steffi sported. We were gonna be a hit one way or another.

“Come on guys,“ Steff cajoled, “Dad'll be here with the bus in a minute.”

“Stop panicking, its too cold to wait outside, we'll hear when he arrives.” Brid pointed out.

Oh yeah, it would be too simple for Martin to live nearby, nope he lives about ten kilometres away as the crow flies in Staffel, by road its closer to twenty from Anna's place. A few kids back in Warsop used to travel a bit to get to school but some kids at Silverberg live over twenty kilometres away in Adenau! By comparison I'm a local living only about five kilometres away. Yep once we got to the party, there will be no escape until our ride home arrives about midnight.

BEEP! BEEP!

All seven of us were quickly in Herr Oldberg's Vito; it really was too cold to hang about, especially if you are wearing little more than your underwear!

“You all look nice this evening.” Steff's dad lied.

“Pappa!” Steffi groaned.

“I was only saying.” He backtracked.

To be honest I was starting to get a bit antsy by the time we started the climb up to Staffel. Now I'm sure you know by now that I like to get jiggy from time to time, and doing stuff in sometimes revealing outfits never usually deters me from having a good time. But tonight He will be there. Maximillian von bloody Strechau – talk about a pain in the bum. He must've asked me to go out with him at least twenty times since we moved here; honest I've done nothing to encourage him!

“What's up Gabs?” Pia enquired.

“Max.”

“He's harmless.” Nena suggested.

“That's alright for you to say, he doesn't follow you round like a lost puppy.”

“I think it's cute!” Connie put in.

“You would!” I huffed.

“Hmm Gabriella von Strechau, it has a certain ring to it.” Steffi called from the front seat.

Geez, and this lot are supposed to be my mates!

“We'll protect you from the nasty duke Gab.” Bridget offered.

“Duke? He's a Duke?”

“Ooh, she's interested now,” Nena giggled.

“Am not!”

“Well he's not the Duke yet but he's next in line to the title.” Pia informed me.

That's all I need, a lovesick aristo! Maybe the whole Goth thing'll put him off? What am I saying, I'm a boy for heavens sake, not of the female gender, I like girls!

We got to Martin's place, he lives on a farm and the party was already in action in one of the barns.

“Right girls, half eleven or your parents will skin me.”

“Yes Papa.”

“Yes Herr Oldberg.” We all chorused.

Martin and his mates really had gone to town on decorating and stuff, the whole anti Valentines / Goth theme came through rather well. We joined the crowd of other kids, it was fun trying to work out who some of them were, for some reason everyone recognised me straight away.

Perhaps it was something to do with all the ‘no kissing' signs or maybe he doesn't like Goths but Max behaved himself all night. In fact the party was a blast, I soon forgot how I was dressed, after all I wasn't the only one a little under dressed and not even the only boy in a skirt! So okay the one Rolf (one of the Strechs, Max's hanger-on's) had on was floor length and teamed with a ripped t-shirt – not exactly comparable to my brief ensemble!

It did, like a lot of teen parties, end up with the boys watching the girls, I of course had the advantage there that I was actually with the girls. On the downside, I was included in the girls being watched, which is a bit weird and creepy. Especially with how much flesh I had on display. Compared to the party at Hel's on Tuesday this really was on a different level. That's not to say Helen's offering was bad or anything but Martin had got the services of a proper Goth style band, and of course the old stone barn and real brands for lighting gave it something my old sitting room would never have!

I don't know how it happened, I don't remember anyone asking me, but I got voted ‘Goth Queen' to the hosts Goth King title (I'm sure it was because it was his party!). How do I keep getting in these situations? So of course we had to dance together, at least I've had some practice as Wein Königin. Mind you it was more folk style than waltz, back home everyone could just about manage a ‘jig on the spot' or ‘slow dance', here even my peers can manage a passable formal dance.

By the time Herr Oldberg arrived with his taxi to take us home my feet were aching and I was starting to fade.

“See you tomorrow Gabs.” Connie told me as she shut the door behind me outside Schloss Bond. Yeah, work at the bakery after my training ride.

I let myself in the house, someone was still up and I could hear the telly in the lounge.

“I'm home.”

“Hi kiddo,” Dad greeted me from his chair before looking from the telly. “What on earth are you dressed as?”

“A um Goth?”

“Not you as well, what is it with you kids?”

“No it was for the party, everyone went as Goths.” I tried to explain.

“It's a good job your mother can't see you young lady!”

“Dad?”

“Oh sorry Drew, well the same thing, were all your friends wearing so little tonight?”

“Pretty much.”

Dad sighed, “Go on, and make sure you take that make up off!”

“Yes Dad.”

I headed towards my eyrie only to be stopped on the way by Jules.

“Wow! Hot chica!”

“Give over Jules.”

“I bet the boys were all over you tonight.”

“Not really.”

“What's that on your head?”

I felt my head and found my ‘crown'.

“I got voted Königin.”

“I should be jealous.”

I set off on my regular Sunday morning loop; a couple of hours ride up into the hills and back. The sky was full of bruised clouds and the temperature in the valley was on the cool side of comfortable with a slight headwind.

One thing never changes and that's the chance to think about stuff while I'm riding, it might be what we're having for tea, reliving a race or like this morning, going over the previous day.

I've had the discussion with myself many times over the last couple of years, am I Drew or this other Gaby person? A wobble from my chest reminded me that it wasn't necessarily as clear cut as that, maybe my trip to the clinic in a couple of weeks will help with that?

On one hand I wanted to be rid of Gaby from my life, if I'm to follow my desired route in the world of cycling, maybe even reach the heights Dick was proposing I have to be all man don't I? There again I guess its not so bad being Gaby, I wouldn't have chosen the way things are but events and my body seem to have a way of pushing me ever onward. I don't want to be a girl; honestly I don't but its like good fun sometimes.

Take last night, so okay my outfit was a bit extreme and my main concern wasn't how I looked but rather how to avoid Max. I really enjoyed myself, geez I even joined in when Bridg started waggling her bits, we all ended up in a right state! Does that mean I'm really a girl, one of those trans thingies that Mum was on about?

I made the right turn onto the Effelsburg road and clicked my lights on, as it was a bit foggy up here.

Hmm where was I? Oh yeah Gaby. Well I guess I'm sorta stuck with her for now at least, its not like I usually dress up in girls stuff, well apart from my undies but like that's a practicality. WHOA! What the hell.

I got the bike back under control after its little dance on what I guess was some black ice. Hmm, if I can get to the top I can get onto some better roads or get Dad to fetch me. I selected low gear and sat as still on the bike as possible, there were a couple more wheel spin moments before I got to the top but it must be my imagination but it seemed to be a trifle warmer higher up.

I shoulda known there would be more fun coming, as I reached the Scheuren turn the first flakes of snow started to blow my way – just what I need! At least I was on the homeward leg. Whilst it didn't start to blizzard it was soon starting to settle on the tarmac, the little motorised traffic about did little to clear it.

Riding in the snow can be quite fun as long as you keep your attention focused. All thoughts of keeping to my training schedule went out the window, hey shouldn't it be Mum riding in snow? Maybe she is. The snow blew about a little but by Todenfeld, I decided to cut my ride a bit short, there was about four centimetres on the road and half that on me and my bike! For some reason I started singing Christmas carols to myself and found myself repeating Jingle Bells several times!

As I rode down through Esch I checked the time on the church clock, shitza! I'm late for work. Well going faster wasn't an option so the alternative was to go straight to the Bäckerei.

Maddy Bell 30.11.08 © 2008

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